Hello again, dance fans. Ready for Christmas yet? Come on, it's fewer than four weeks away now - stop lollygagging. I've had the sprouts on since March! We usually go for a curry for Christmas Day dinner, but have decided to stay in this year. Sainsbury's food order is booked and SOTH can show off his Food Tech skills by lending a hand while I make a dent in the Baileys. Added bonus that we don't have to get dressed. I mean, dressed up. We don't sit around the house in the nuddy! Not with all that gravy and custard sloshing round. I do have some standards.
I keep meaning to do a 70s style Christmas dinner to show SOTH what I endured enjoyed growing up. Glass of orange juice with some sliced up melon & glace cherry for starter, then turkey that's been in the oven 'on a low light' since Christmas Eve and is now so dry it's its own fire hazard, veg boiled so long it's all one unidentifiable mush and roasties that are still hard in the middle. Trifle for afters and a bottle of Blue Nun or Mateus Rose to wash it all down. Seven hours in the kitchen, food demolished in ten minutes. Watch the speech, fall asleep, turkey butties for supper and a blazing row before ten o'clock. Sorted. I'm still bitter I never got an Adventure Kit because they were 'for boys'.
This year I had the brilliant idea of ordering the gifts from me to HOTH in my name, so that when they arrived we'd know whose was whose and not spoil surprises by opening the wrong parcel. Which would have been fabulous if not for the fact that HOTH forgot to swap the name back on the delivery details and so everything has arrived addressed to me. We've had to get SOTH to open everything and sort it into different boxes. Next year everyone's getting a satsuma and a bag of nuts in a stocking.
So, back to Strictly. While seven couples remain, only six were dancing on Saturday. Kym has fallen to the dreaded 'vid and gets a bye. Wishing her a speedy recovery. She's probably tucked up in bed with a bowl of chicken soup and a hot toddy, having her fevered brow mopped by a devoted Graz lucky mare.
Will & Nancy started the proceedings with a Charleston to Hush by Kula Shaker which, spookily, was on the radio while I was typing this first bit up. Not really a Charleston song, really. I mean, it doesn't exactly scream 'screwball comedy dance', does it? That's because this wasn't THAT kind of Charley-stone. Nancy & the choreographers took this dance in a different direction and dimension. If this is the future of Charleston I'm not complaining. It was slick, sharp, polished and precise. Absolutely in sync with one another, Will & Nancy hit every single beat and step in a routine that was fast, technical, tight and controlled. All the usual steps were there, just as expected, but with a different feel. The Charleston meet The Matrix. Will had fab swivel and he was great in and out of hold this time. A cracking start to the post-Blackpool show, which does have a tendency to bring a slump in performances. A very good 38 out of 40 scored.
Dance off denizens Molly & Carlos followed with a Tango to Bad Guy by Nibbly Eyelash, sorry Billie Eilish. You have to admire Molly's resistance and her ability to keep on keeping on performing. This was a decent enough routine. Molly came out with tons of attack, passion and drama - a world apart from her previous 'Sandra Dee sweet girl' looks and style. It was a fast dance with some very technical content. There were some really tidy spins & turns, changes of direction and crisp staccato moves. Molly's feet were good and, in general, so were her top line and frame. There wasn't a huge amount of V shaping in hold but there were some nice Spanish lines and finishes. Unfortunately, and not that she'll care, I found it all a bit...boring. Good job I don't judge for a living because the panel loved it and awarded 35 out of 40. The couple's heart-shaped 'vote for us' pose is proper getting on me wick, though.
Ellie & Johannes gave us a Thelma & Louise themed Jive to Brown Eyed Girl by Van Morrison Fun fact, a colleague and I once got booed off karaoke singing this. We were in an advanced state of refreshment, though. We probably sounded worse than Liam Gallagher who, frankly, sounds like a live sheep being fed through a shredder. It looked like Ellie struggled with this dance. which didn't really have a lot of jive content. It was more like one of those 'shops with the middle aisle of tat' versions of a Jive. Probably called a Jave or a Juvo to avoid copyright infringement. To be fair, it was a fast, fun and frivolous routine, but Ellie's weight was in the wrong place, meaning her kick and flicks were dodgy and she lacked proper retraction. She went wrong several times and towards the end got a bit heavy and flat-footed. It was energetic and the pair looked like they were having fun, but this routine took a Thelma & Louise dive over a cliff, I'm afraid. Just 25 out of 40 from the judges.
Fleur & Vito followed with a Rumba to Too Lost In You by Sugababes, who have had so many different members they should be called Trigger's Broom Babes. I can't keep up. So, apparently, Fleur was dancing. I could only see Vito, myself. I jest (a bit). For my least favourite dance this did actually entertain me. It was a smooth routine, oozing sensuality and sultry moves. It was so hot, passionate & steamy it should have had a guidance warning before it started. I came over all unnecessary, which is never a good look. The routine was tricky and technical with lots of lovely light and shade. There were cucarachas, rumba walks and a nice Rumba Triangle, which is apparently a leg-shapey thing and not a sort of musical instrument Dave Arch And His Wunnerful Orchestra play. It wasn't perfect - Rumba Rules to be stuck to and all that. Fleur got a bit tight and tense in places and looked like she didn't breathe through the whole thing. Her timing and balance were good and her legs and feet quite lovely. There was a lack of fluidity, though, and the routine scored 35 out of 40. With Vito getting a bonus headbutt from an excited Fleur.
Hamza & Jowita were up next with an Argentine Tango to Libertango by Bond. Which sounded a bit like the feem toon to Charlie's Angels, if you ask me. This was a smooth, controlled and fluid dance. led exceptionally well by Hamza - something Shirl was quick to point out at the end, saying he is the reason Jowita looks so good (so, you know, not like the eleventy billions of hours of training she's done since she was a nipper). There was, as always, a great connection between the pair and this transferred through the routine. Hamza was strong, powerful, brooding but also sensual and light on his feet. His ganchos were pretty good, but in some parts his legs were so high up around Jowita's waist it looked like he was auditioning to join The Ministry of Silly Walks.
Helen & Gorka closed the show with a Samba to Eso Beso by Emma Bunton. This was a cheeky, fun and frivolous routine, Helen having a kind of ditsy, Legally Blonde character at the start. It wasn't long before Gorka ripped his shirt open - just when I'd got myself together after Vito - and joined the party. Helen had some decent shimmies and hips, but she should have gone SO much bigger, especially in the solo slots. It was all a bit...polite. There were some tricky steps and moves, light and shade, changes of pace and all that. But Helen was too stiff and stilted in parts, her weight was too far back and her legs needed to be straighter. A huge difference to last week and the judges scored accordingly. A measly - and just a bit nasty - five from Craig meant the pair only scored 29 out of 40.
With no Kym the night was over before we knew it. The remaining pairs are all desperate to stay in for Musicals Week next Saturday (we'll take bets on what tired tropes they'll trot out later) and there was still an elimination to come even though Kym had had a bye. So who will be in the Quarter Finals? Read on, mon petit pals.
'Twas Sunday again. HOTH & I had a lazy morning before taking my fabulous mum in law out for a spot of lunch. See, I can do civilised every now and again. SOTH had gone ice-skating with college chums and it wasn't raining for once. Meanwhile, back at Strictyland, one celebrity had already packed their dance shoes and were probably nursing a giant commiseratory hangover. Who was it though?
The Sunturday Show started with a pro dance that started mostly monochrome then popped into colour as they stripped off coats, jumpers and the like. There were a LOT of clashing colours, though. Like they'd got dressed in a dark cupboard with sunglasses on. All grins and leaping about, it wasn't a bad start to the Results.
The Giant Redwood trees I had planted at the beginning were fully mature by the time Tess finally told us that the first person in the dance off was....
FLEUR AND VITO. This surely had to be one of those 'others will vote for her so' situations because she hadn't danced badly at all. Mind you, most people are as much of a fan as Rumba as I am, which isn't much. She looked absolutely crushed but said she wasn't surprised. It came as a surprise to Shirley who has performed a complete about face with Fleur/But, looking on the bright side, we would get to see Vito's Shirl-admired tushy again. Win, win.
Up in the Clauditorium Will was visibly thrilled and grateful to be in and Hamza confessed to not knowing any musicals. What will he end up doing? Hmmm.
Our musical interlude this week was provided by Tom Grennan and Joel Corry - who, I am told, is a Disc Jockey (now you can see why it's abbreviated to DJ, doesn't sound quite as cool in full, does it? Much more Noel Edmonds than Calvin Harris).
A thousand galaxies were born, existed and died - the star systems, not the chocolate bars - before Vernon Kaye's missus announced that the second pair in danger were...
ELLIE & JOHANNES. Ah, it had to come, didn't it? The week after Blackpool is always the one where we start to lose the 'popular' celebrities from the ones who stand a chance of being in the final. Ellie looked like a stunned kipper last week when she got through, so being in the dance off sooner or later must have been in the back of her mind.
It was a bit cruel to leave Molly and Carlos right to the end, though. She must have thought she was in the dance off yet again! Usually, they announce last week's dancer off-er-er first thing. She was thrilled to be safe. Helen's lads are apparently getting better at maths adding up her scores. No reveals of next week's tunes, though. They must be trying to keep them as a surprise.
The Judges' bit was cancelled this week to keep the time down so the next World Cup match could be shown. Of which I could give no cares. We don't like / watch football in our house, not even Big Games. I know we're the exception rather than the rule and the vast majority love it. Me? I'd rather peel my skin off and paddle in the Dead Sea.
I don't think you really need me to tell you the outcome of the dance off, do I? As much as I love Ellie and JoJo, they were outmatched, outdanced and outclassed by Fleur and Vito. The judges voted unanimously to save them and it was a very emotional goodbye to, Team Jellie.
Six couples remain to take part in the Musicals Week Quarter Finals (presuming Kym makes a recovery in time for next week). We're heading towards the sharp end of the competition and it's still anyone's Glitterball. Join me for the first Strictly of December which, for the very first time - because of the fubble - will be on FRIDAY, with the results on Saturday. Put that on your diaries, folks. Until then...
KEEP DANCING!
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