Finally, It Has Happened To Me

 

It's Final Time

There's no need to be afraid

At Final Time

We hope the dances have light and shade

And in our world of Strictly

We can spread a smile of joy

Throw your arms around the glitterball

This Strictly time

Squeeeee! It's HERE! It's only the flippin' Strictly Final! Thirteen weeks of tangos, waltzes, rumba, cha chas, Charlestons and quicksteps have brought us to this moment. The couples have slowly been whittled away - thankfully, this year, pretty sensibly if you ask me. This has been a cracking year, one of the best series ever. Almost all of the couples have been extraordinarily talented - a few less so than others, but no Ann Widdecombe, John Sergeant or Dave 'Hairy Biker' Myers. The less said of which, the better.

Claudia Winkleman's Radio 2 show this morning was a Strictly Special, talking to ousted celebrities, the finalists and the judges. During which we were subjected treated to It's Christmas, Merry Christmas by our very own Craig Revel Horwood and Rietta Austin. You know I usually tell you to check things out? Yeah, well, listen to this at your own peril. You have been warned.

First order of business, though. This week we heard the devastating news that AJ & KAI ARE OUT OF THE FINAL!! It's so, so sad. Poor AJ tore a ligament in her right ankle, after several weeks of sustained impact. She hoped against hope that it would heal in time but, sadly, she was still on crutches and a boot on Saturday. It's such a shame as she really was in with a chance to win the final. I feel so sorry for her and Kai. She might not have won the glitterball this year, but she has won many, many fans and the hearts of the Strictly viewers. She is going on the tour, though, so if you fancy selling a bodily organ and re-mortgaging your house to get a ticket, you can still see her there.

What a kick in the crutch - poor AJ falls at the final hurdle

This promises to be a cracking night. Each couple has to dance not one, not two but THREE separate dances to earn the viewer's votes - the judges' scores for guidance only. Although, by final time, they have a tendency to fling out 10s like Smarties. It's not guaranteed though. They still have to impress Craig, after all. Both couples will need to execute:

• Judges' Choice - usually one they had enjoyed from earlier in the series but had had some wobbles or improvement critique the first time round
• Couple's Favourite - the one they loved performing the most
• Show Dance - an anything goes, pull out all the stops, over-the-top, jaw-dropping spectacular to (hopefully) totally wow the judges and the audience alike

Only after all three had performed would we know who the winner was. So, join me on the couch - there's plenty of room. I've got us all some Pure Heavenly chocolate in (vegan friendly, gluten free, soy & palm oil free, less than 1% sugar and TOTALLY AMAZING TASTING)*. Pour yourself a drink from the cocktail globe, grab a cheese-and-pineapple-on-a-stick snack and let me take you on a journey...a journey into dance.

With no plans to replace AJ - say, bring back Rhys (which would be a tad unfair - sorry, Rhys) the final two couples dancing for glory were John & Johannes and Rose & Giovanni. Both very, very strong couples. Both very, very popular with the viewers - John has only been in the dance off once, last week, Rose has never been in the red spotlight. Whatever happens, whoever lifts the trophy, they will be absolutely worthy winners. Here is my early prediction...

Someone with four letters in their first name will lift the trophy!

Mystic Meg eat your heart out - there's a new medium on the scene! What do you mean 'more like an extra large'? Cheek of it!

Anyway. The night kicked off with an upbeat party style pro dance to Waiting For A Star To Fall. The professionals gave it large, Neil gurning to the camera as usual (mate, give it a rest - you're starting to look like a holiday camp wannabe). It was all very sparkly with first Johannes & Gio, then John & Rose freestyling it on giant star podiums. Everybody took to the floor, dancing en masse and getting us all in the mood for the show ahead. Of course, it ended with a giant streamer canon, much to the chagrin of the floor crew.

Well - Tess must have read my blog last week, as she came out with sleeves on her frock! I never knew I had such famous readers (yes, I am delusional. I blame it on the marathon 'write a million Christmas cards, wrap a billion presents and run round every household in HOTH's family'. I mean, it's huge. There were only 10 on my side at our wedding - and one of them was me!).

The judges came out, poor Shirl nearly going crumpet over croissant, tripping on her shimmy entrance - stop it! Motsi looking fabulous in a gorgeous red print dress, Craig suave and Anton in a brocade number. And it was time to go. The final kicked of with:

JUDGES' CHOICE

Rose & Giovanni, who have topped the leader board three times and scored the most 10s, reprised their Quickstep to Love Is An Open Door from Frozen, The Musical. This routine had scored 37 last time, so there was a teeny bit of room for improvement. Would they iron out the errors from then?

I short - did they ever!  Rose & Gio came out as they meant to go on and at least they didn't give Gio the naff centre parting he had last time. From the cute, signed opening to the end, this was cleaner, sharper, faster and more fluid. There was tons of content, changes of pace and direction, pauses for dialogue, the works. Rose's frame and posture were gorgeous, her head position perfect and her footwork was excellent. The pair flew across the floor at breakneck speed, light and airy. The hops and leaps were cleanly executed and the side-by-sections were perfectly in sync. The couple told a beautiful story while maintaining a great rhythm and looked like they enjoyed every second. So did the judges, awarding 39 out of 40 (of course Craig didn't whip out his big 10).

Gio, are you sure The Robot is a Quickstep move?

John & Johannes were up with another outing of their Rumba to Shape Of My Heart by Sting. This routine had scored 35 last time round, with the judges asking John to let himself go more, and to show some resistance in his moves. So..let go and  resist? This is why I'd never make it as a dancer - the confusing critique. That and the fact that I look like a sackful of spaniels on a bouncy castle when I dance.

This was a much better performance from John & Johannes. It was smoother, slicker, more polished. John had wonderful hip & leg movements, flowing from step to step, finishing every line and move. His eyes locked with Johannes throughout, John really let himself relax into the music. The routine was sensual and sizzling, of course, but it was also emotional, touching and romantic. There was great shaping, John's leg straight and his posture poised. The synchronicity was excellent and the timing, musicality and rhythm were spot on. The judges were suitably impressed, with Anton calling it one of the best rumbas he had ever seen - and Queen of the Rumba Shirley stating she would dance with John any time. Another 39 out of 40.

Ee, it's a Rumba do, alreet

Up next was the couples' FAVOURITE DANCE

Rose & Giovanni  had decided to repeat their Couple's Choice to Symphony by Clean Bandit featuring Zara Larsson. And I'm so glad they did. Scoring 39 last time out, this was one of the best dances of the series - especially when the music dropped and we experienced how Rose perceives the world of dance. 

This time round Rose seemed to enjoy the dance more - it seemed a little looser & freer and she had more fun. The changes of pace from the slow start to the mid-song crescendo were flawless and she showed amazing control of the music, timing and rhythm. The pair used more of the floor than last time, seeming to cover every inch and the connection between them was electric. Rose's lines were cleaner and better finished, especially when the music stopped and the pair danced in silence, totally in sync, totally connected to each other. I had goosebumps on my goosebumps and Anton was a blubbering wreck. A very well deserved full house 40 out of 40.

If you hold on I think I can just reach that last packet of Hobnobs

John & Johannes brought back their amazing Paso Doble to He's A Pirate from Pirates Of The Caribbean. Scoring 39 last time, this was already an incredible dance and probably the one which made people sit up and take notice of the unassuming nice-bloke-off-of-out-of-Bake-Off-from-Wigan. 

Shiver me timbers this was a corker. From the outset it was powerful and masterful. Packed with bags of content, from flamenco steps to jete leaps and mid air spins, John & Johannes tore up the floor. They had massively upped the ante - dancing with more passion, intent, energy, drive and attack. John's shaping and posture were great and he danced with purpose, giving it everything. He really performed as his character this time round, which lent the routine an edge of drama and danger. The pair were totally synchronised, jumps the same height, landed at the same time, arms the same shape. It really was great to watch. Anton could only make noises and Motsi & Shirley were beside themselves. Craig announced that John's little finger was bothering them - a very obvious joke as he broke into a beaming grin. Another 40 out of 40.

This isn't quite what I had in mind when you said let's get into pirate videos

Without AJ & Kai's routines, the show had more filler than a cast member of TOWIE's face. I don't think I've ever seen so many interviews. 'Gio, what have you got to say to Rose?', 'John, would you like to say to Johannes?', 'Mrs Miggins from the pie shop, do you have any words for Craig?'. There's only so many time you can say 'thank you, you're amazing, I love you, you work hard, you're my best friend'.  They should have had a couple of rounds of bingo and Open The Box to pass the time, instead. Probably have been more entertaining anyway.

And so to the last dances of the night - and of the series...

SHOW DANCE

Rose & Giovanni had chosen to dance to The Rose by Bette Midler. Gio wasn't kidding when he said we'd see the biggest prop ever used on Strictly! Their routine was inspired by Romeo & Juliet and the set builders must have worked overtime to bring us a giant balcony scene that must have been about 15-20ft tall.

This was a beautiful romantic, moving and emotional routine. It flowed so well, showcasing the incredibly strong partnership that the two have forged throughout the series. Lyrical, smooth, graceful and gliding Rose and Giovanni moved across the floor in complete harmony, seemingly lost in each other. It was lovely to watch, gentle and serene, touching and compelling. There were some great lifts, including a neck spin. But the piece de resistance was a huge overhead, arms free lift (Baby, eat your heart out), Rose dropping safely and securely into Gio's arms. Lucky girl. At the end, Gio was overcome with emotion, sobbing his heart out on Rose's shoulder. He wasn't the only one - Anton couldn't look at the couple without breaking down, Shirley was in tears and Motsi was near speechless saying Rose had made her feel like an improved person. Even Claudia was choking up in the final interview. I'm not crying, you are! Who's chopping onions at this time of night? What else could be scored than 40 out of 40?

I can see your house from up here!

John & Johannes ended their campaign dancing to You've Got The Love by Florence + The Machine. Performing under what looked like Ghosts of Dancers Past, this was a...well...a showcase of all of the styles they'd performed before, only better. There were shades of samba, touches of tango, wisps of waltzes, a soupcon of salsa and even Charleston moves. It could have been a hot mess of clashing moves - but it wasn't. Each step flowed into the next, the transitions smooth as silk, effortless and stunning. John coping with the changes of style and pace without batting a guy-linered eyelid.

There was a feel-good fun factor to the dance, which had an underlying disco / pop theme, full of content, tricky moves and tons of energy. John had great shaping and posture in each of the styles we whizzed through, his performance was through the roof and he was clearly living his best life, giving everything he had in his last Strictly dance. There was hardly a dry eye in the house when the couple had finished and it was a fantastic end to the dance section of the night. And, yes, another 40 out of 40 earned.

This is not the time to play Twister, Johannes

And that, as they say, was that. The Judges' scores had been added together for what must surely be the most useless leader board of the show and stood at:

Rose & Giovanni - 119

John & Johannes - 119

Or, if you like

John & Johannes - 119

Rose & Giovanni - 119

As if we weren't already completely overwrought, there was an interview with a heartbroken AJ & Kai. They were beyond devastated at having to pull out - and it was such a cruel way to have to leave the competition, days away from the final. They really were contenders to win and I can't even begin to imagine how they were feeling, especially as we wouldn't get to see their show dance which I'm sure would have been spectacular.

Mathematically obsessed musical maestro Ed Sheeran popped up singing Bad Habits. Apparently. We fast-forwarded through him, I'm afraid. Nothing against the bloke, we just wanted to get to the verdict.

Strictly Final wouldn't be a Strictly Final without a group dance from the rest of this year's cast. And it was no different this year. A cavalcade of celebrities - sans Tilly (Covid) and Robert (no idea) they spun, lolloped, shimmied, trotted and twerked past the camera. Was Rhys more OTT than an OTT thing on steroids? What do you think? And why the devil not?!

And so we came to the Moment Of Truth. Both couples took nervously to the floor to await the verdict. The viewers' votes had been tallied, checked and verified. This was it. The final announcement of Strictly Come Dancing 2021,

The winner of the Strictly Glitterball was.......

ROSE!!!

Well deserved winners, Gio's seventh attempt. Way to go #TEAMROGIO

What a wonderful end to a wonderful series. Everyone packs up their costumes, wipes off the make up and hangs up their shoes until next year. 

Thank you all so much for reading my mad ramblings over the past 13 weeks. I do it just for fun and to, hopefully, make people smile. It's been a blast. So, until 2022....

KEEP DANCING!!

What worthy winners. They put hours and hours of practice in, they performed their little socks off and made us fall in love with them. And the smiles on their faces when they lifted the trophy lit up not just the studio, but the whole of the country. I am so, so pleased and happy for them.

So, that's it, dance fans. Strictly 2021 is over. Well, there's a Christmas Special but if you think I'm going to be sober enough to write a report on that you're very much mistaken!

Thank you for reading my ramblings all these weeks. Have a very happy & peaceful Christmas and a wonderful New Year. See you this time 2022. Until then....

KEEP DANCING!!

STRICTLY COME DANCING 2021

THE CAST

Let's Get A Semi On

We're almost there, we're almost there

People down here think we're crazy

But we don't care

Trials & tribulations, we've had our share

There ain't nothing gonna stop us now

'Cause we're almost there

I am, of course, paraphrasing the song 'Almost There' from The Princess and The Frog. And yes, it did physically hurt to type a double negative. But, I suffer for my art to bring you, dear readers, the penultimate Strictly blog of 2021. We are almost there. This time next week, we'll have watched the winner lift the glitterball aloft, amidst forty million metric tons of confetti & streamers. Environment, schmenvironment! This is DANCING!

Weeks of waltzes, copious Couple's Choices, loads of Latin and bags of ballroom bring us <this> close to the end. One couple is going to fall short of the finale, disappointingly so close to glory, only to have it snatched away by a lumbering lift or faulty footwork. This is the last week the judges' scores will count towards the results, too. Next week they'll be 'for guidance only' and won't be used to calculate the dance off. Mind you, I think most viewers use them for guidance, given the shonky paddle waving that's been going on and massive overmarking by some judges (cough, Shirley, cough) for some DANcers. Chinny reckon, says I. Chinny. Reckon.

Anyhoo. Semi Final. Double Dance Delight this week. Well, they've got to stretch the night out somehow. Four ninety second long dances, even with the judging & chatter, would only last about ten minutes and we can't be having that on prime-time Beeb now, can we? With EIGHTY minutes to fill, just what did happen? Come, join me on the dance floor as I take you on a journey back in time...

No opening pro dance this week. I expect they wanted us to focus on the contestants. Instead we had a moody VT from the celebs talking about their 'journeys' and 'intentions'. We know, we know. Get on with it, already. Tess & Claudia appeared, and it struck me that whatever Tess is wearing, it never has any sleeves. Is she allergic to them? Sleeve-a-phobic? Sponsored by Arms R Us? Baffling. Anyway, we were informed that this season had already had FORTY tens awarded to the  couples, with two shows left to go. Pretty impressive, if you ask me. This week the judges' scores for both dances would be combined, meaning the final points would be out of a possible 80. Would anyone get a Double Full House?

Rhys & Nancy opened the evening with a Tango to One Vision by Queen. We had the usual pre-dance video, this time with good luck messages from his supporters on the streets. I'd have preferred a video from Hacker T Dog (Rhys' CBBC sidekick). I met him once - Hacker, that is - and it's up there with my wedding and birth of SOTH as a Best Day Ever.

Alright, me cockers - Wigan Wonder Woofer Hacker T Dog

Apparently, Rhys has been pushing for this song / dance combo since he signed up for the show. It was a bit...odd, to be honest. Rhys started off dancing on his own (story of my life) with a confident air. It did look like he was going to be wild and out of control again, but once he got into hold he calmed down a bit. I think Nancy probably hissed a threat at him. His movements were sharp and crisp, good staccato head turns and his legs were nice and soft through the steps. He had plenty of attack, drive and intent and there was some decent drama to the routine. The timing overall was good and the promenades, chasses & grapevines were all nicely in sync. Rhys' frame was solid in hold and his shaping was better. His bum still stuck out a mile, though - you could have balanced a tea tray on it at times - and the transitions in and out of hold were clunky and a bit messy. Anton said that he preferred Rhys in hold for this dance and I agree. On his own he went a bit iffy in places, but he did cover the floor well, there was no rise and fall and he connected with Nancy in a way that meant he properly led the dance. Would it be too little, too late? 36 out of 40 for Dance One. 

Rhys in 'dress' rehearsal (sorry)

AJ & Kai were up next with a Quickstep to Sing, Sing, Sing by Benny Goodman. Oh my word, but the girl was back on form. Looking absolutely stunning in a white, vintage style Fred & Ginger dress, AJ was mesmerising. This was full a on Fosse, Hollywood glitz & glamour Quickstep. A dance packed to the gills with flair, style, spins & turns. A really tricky routine, too - Kai hadn't held back on content, the couple starting as they meant to go on. My goodness. It was fleet, skippy, clippy, sharp, slick, polished. I'm running out of superlatives. AJ's frame and posture were magnificent as she tore across the floor, giving it 100%. She was graceful and assured, even dancing backwards at a million miles an hour. Her feet were terrific and the changes of pace, direction and flow didn't faze her one bit. A big, beaming smile on her face from start to finish showed she was having a terrific time. She and Kai were totally in sync throughout - one of their strengths as a couple this year - and it was a very entertaining dance. The judges agreed, with Anton saying it was worthy of Blackpool, Shirley in awe and Craig exclaiming 'OMG. Incredible'. And yes, a full house and well deserved 40 out of 40 was awarded.

Frockin' hell - what a dance!

John & Johannes followed this with their Couple's Choice to Hometown Glory by Adele. John told us the dance was an allegory to how he & Johannes felt when they were growing up as gay boys in Wigan and Johannesburg, respectively. Bullied, derided and unaccepted, John had the better deal thanks to his extremely strong family ties and supportive sisters. The messages of support from the public were emotional and genuine, moving the pair. The routine was a barefoot contempowaft, the costume stripped back to showcase the steps. This was beautifully choreographed, each movement powerful and meaningful. There were some terrific lifts and, for the first time, John was the star of the dance, throwing everything he had into the routine - but was still controlled and poised. There was light and shade, changes of pace and mood, moments of attack and then switches to light, tender sequences. The end - which I sadly can't find a photo of - was spectacular, John bent double, supporting Johannes (who had his legs in the flipping air) on his back, both looking like they were walking, trudging, together. An excellent number. I know some folk won't agree with me but this is my blog. 39 out of 40 from the judges.

Bloody hell, it's windy in here JoJo

Rose & Giovanni rounded off the first half with a Waltz to How Long Will I Love You by Ellie Goulding. Oh, my giddy aunt. This was simply exquisite. An inspired choice of song, given the connection between the pair, it was a light, flowing, romantic number the whole way through. Packed with content, Rose made the choreography look easy as she glided (glid?) across the floor with Gio. Her feet were beautiful - closing together smoothly and effortlessly - her framing and posture spot on, her head always in exactly the right position, despite all the changes of pace and direction. The rise and fall was completely on point, the fleckerl near perfect. The whole routine was moving (even I welled up and I didn't cry at ET), believable and utterly compelling. This has to be the strongest partnership in the history of Strictly. The panel agreed - Motsi was in tears, Shirley welling up, Anton having goosebumps. Picky Pants Craig said he'd spotted 'a bit of a sticky right foot', but still said it was one of the most amazing waltzes he had seen on Strictly. 39 out of 40 for the couple.

Miss Ayling-Ellis Rose to the occasion

The first half was over. I refreshed the glasses and HOTH opened the sticky toffee pudding popcorn. Word of warning. DO NOT BUY THIS. It's like crack! I hide to hide the bag in the end or we'd have polished off the lot before the end of the round-up and the leader board update so far.  Which, incidentally, was:

AJ & Kai - 40

John & Johannes - 39

Rose & Giovanni - 39

Rhys & Nancy - 36

And so to Part Two. This time round, we got to hear what the judges really thought of the dancers before they did their routines. And it wasn't all complimentary for Rhys (Craig spilling the T that the comments that made it air were the polite ones). The main bugbear, as if you need telling, was his wild, uncontrolled 'overenthusiasm', to put it nicely. All the judges concurred that Rhys has a hard time reigning his energy in, even for the ballroom dances, and wanted him to show some variety. Would he be able to for his last dance of the night?

Well, Rhys & Nancy returned with their Samba to It Had Better Be Tonight by Michael Buble. Or, as he's known in our house, Mickey Bubbles. You can tell it's getting near Christmas when Mr B starts appearing. It's like they only let him out this time of year.

He did start off a bit wild but, like his first dance, he caught onto himself and dialled it down a notch. Not too much, of course - this was a samba after all and you can't do a party dance with a face like a slapped kipper now, can you? This was a really decent dance for Rhys, playing to his showmanship strengths and energetic style. He had good hip rotation & isolation and his shimmies were sensational. Nancy had put pretty much every samba step into the choreography and Rhys managed them with aplomb. There were natural rolls, voltas, drop voltas, kick changes and struts. I think all that was missing was a bota foga (which is apparently not the bounty hunter from Star Wars). Blimey O'Riley. The lad gave it some proper welly. He was in sync with Nancy, his feet were clean and the changes of pace were smooth. His arms did get a bit flingy towards the end and his bounce got spiky instead of soft through the knees. There was also a Nancy-spinny bit which went clunky, but these were minor quibbles. The judges were impressed - Shirl up on her feet shaking her beads like your nana at a Chippendales gig. A very enjoyable dance which gained 39 out of 40 from the panel.

Samba-dy Stop Me!

AJ & Kai completed their night with a Rumba to Show Me Heaven by Maria McKee. Now, you know me and the rumba. The sum total of my knowledge can be written on the back of a stamp and I usually have to wait to the end to nick listen to the judges' comments. Their comments before the dance were that they loved AJ's enthusiasm and the time she put in as a complete beginner to dance, but that she did struggle with some of the Latin dances. Anton said the couple's Charleston was the best he'd ever seen, with the main comment being that AJ needed to tidy her feet up. 

Well. Crikey. If this rumba had been any steamier there'd have been an invasion of Swedish people wondering where the sauna was. Another great couple, I actually quite enjoyed this number. I even wrote that AJ had beautiful straight legs before we got to the judges. There were beautiful nuances to this dance, subtle moves and positions and it was sensual without being tacky. AJ's feet were terrific, her lines and finishing were gorgeous and she made a tricky routine seem completely effortless. She was supple, lithe - making the dance elegant and flowing - and beautifully placed to the end note. Queen of the Rumba Shirley bowed down to the pair at the end, Anton enthusing that they'd 'given it the full bifta' - which means something quite different round here, let me tell you. Just a single dropped point (guess who that was from) and 39 out of 40 was earned.

Yo ho ho and a belter of a rumba

John & Johannes completed their semi-final campaign with a Jive to Higher Power by Coldplay. Shirl & co have been pretty impressed with this pair all series long, Anton saying their paso had been the best of the series and it had been in week THREE. Their main concern was that John always seemed to be holding back and dancing a little under his capabilities. That being said, Craig admitted he never got nervous when it was John's turn to dance - high praise indeed.

Dressed in a very sparkly outfit (John saying he felt like he'd been dipped in Uhu glue and rolled through Claire's Accessories) the couple set out to impress with their last dance of the night. It was a weird choice of music. Not very 'jivey' at all, to be honest, but the routine and choreography were entertaining and it was still fairly fast. John was light on his feet, his weight well forward, meaning that the kicks & flicks were properly sharp with decent retraction - and pointed toes. There was loads of style & content - something for everyone to enjoy - and it wasn't an easy dance by any means. John definitely gave it everything he had, with loads of attack, lovely kick ball changes and well finished lines. The couple got a little out of sync at one point, which is a first for them, and the ending was a bit...sudden. A very decent effort and an A-MA-ZING from Craig meant they scored 39 out of 40.

By jive, he's got it

Rose & Giovanni closed the night with an Argentine Tango to A Evaristo Carriego by Eduardo Rovira. Rose had been in fits of giggles earlier, saying she wasn't looking forward to the closeness due to Gio's 'smelly breath'. Well, I'd take a chance, love. The judges expressed how impressed they were with Rose and her positive attitude towards everything. They agreed that she just seemed to understand music more than others, but were concerned that making mistakes left her stuck in her own head at times. Their main comment was that she needed to believe in herself. I concur - she's bloody epic!

This AT was a massive, massive contrast to the couple's earlier waltz. Goodbye Sandra Dee girl-next-door Rose, make way for takes-no-prisoners Warrior Queen. She was fierce, fiery, determined and driven throughout this routine which was chock full of content. There was so much attack and intent in this number, but it didn't overpower the choreography and steps. Rose had terrific posture, her feet and legs were beautiful and controlled. The ganchos were sharp, completed with fearless precision and the ronds de jambes were smooth, flowing and graceful. Once again, the perfect partnership shone and the couple were bang on point, in time and in sync from start to finish, in a dance that was very sexy indeed. It was such an incredible, hypnotising routine and Rose owned every single second of it. Wow. Just...wow. The judges were equally impressed - Anton pretty much making just noises (I feel sorry for Roses's interpreter), Motsi saying it was the dance of the night, the month, the series and Craig simply stating 'that dance belongs in the final'. What else could they score but 40 out of 40?

Gio, I bloody well told you not to have a tuna & onion butty!

What a brilliant end to the show. All the couples had danced their socks off (John & Johannes quite literally in their first outing) and the leader board was tighter than a gnat's chuff:

AJ & Kai - 79

Rose & Giovanni - 79

John & Johannes - 78

Rhys & Nancy - 75

As if by magic, Sunday appeared...

Craig chooses what to wear for the results show

Stuffed full of a roast beef dinner with all the trimmings and gravy that could hold its own in a fight with Chuck Norris, I settled down to watch until I had room for my raspberry roulade. The dancers' doubled up digits had been combined with the verified viewers' votes and, before long (well about 35 minutes), we would know who had fallen at the final fence and who was flying to the Final. 'ecky thump, that's a lot of alliteration...

The show opened with a pro dance set in a library, to about eight bars of It's Oh So Quiet. Then segued into some funky street dance stuff to a medley of This Is How We Do It & Boom, Shake The Room...so, yeah. Let me tell you, an Argyle jumper, beanie hat and glasses is NOT a good luck for Gorka.

A quick recap of last night, some behind the scenes bits, some carefully edited judges' comments and we were off.

Surely it wouldn't take long for the first bottom-dweller to be announced, not with only four couples left? Come on, this is Tess we're talking about! Loads of that tense music, Gio probably getting neck strain keeping us his head bops, Tess finally told us that..

JOHN was in the dance off. Now, we can't say anyone in the dance off this week was going to be a surprise. The four couples are the best of the best this year, after all. It was always going to be someone good, wasn't it? No How On Earth Did They Get There celebrities this time around. A tricky one for the judges, though.

The Chatterpillar was more of a woodlouse, being that it was only Rose & Gio. Rose said she was shaking so much from excitement her knees were knocking. There'll be so much more to look forward to from this pair, with three dances next week, including a show dance. Rose told Gio he was the best partner she'd ever had in her life and his voice was filled with emotion as he thanked her for being wonderful and for her commitment to him and her learning.

The judges provided their recaps of the night, choosing their best bits and providing some more detail of why they'd said what they said and scored what they scored - especially Craig and his nines. Did it add anything? Not really, but they have to spin the show out somehow. Mind you, Anton waffled on so long Craig tongue in cheeked thanked him for inviting him on The Anton Show. We had a very quick montage of the their best bits and that was that.

The remaining two couples were back under the spotlight, patently nervous while they waited for the verdict. In roughly the time elapsed since The Big Bang, we finally found out that...

RHYS was in the bottom again. He may have expected it - he was bottom of the leader board, but that won't have made it any less disappointing and upsetting. And this week even more so, being so close to the end. 

AJ & Kai came to the Clauditorium for their chat. AJ was full on Northern Bird as she told us how excited she was to be in the final and how much she was looking forward to learning three dances. Kai has really instilled a love of dancing in her and she's had the best time ever. And so have we, if I'm honest. It's been a cracking series.

We had a short VT of all of the semi-finalists saying how much hard work it's going to be and gazing at the glitterball like it was some kind of deity. 

The evening's musical moment should have been provided by Mabel. Sadly, not my favourite character from the cartoon Gravity Falls (look it up, trust me on this) but the talented songstress and daughter of Neneh Cherry. 

Although, now you come to mention it, there is a resemblance. However, there was no appearance and nothing was said. Curiouser and curiouser. Maybe they'd had to cut her pre-recorded slot after Anton's marathon musings?

Apparently, the bottom pair had 'chosen' to do the last dance they'd performed on Saturday. Who are they trying to kid? It would have taken them ages to get back into their first outfits, hair & make-up for filming. The poor audience and crew would have been there until the wee small hours.

So, to the dance off.

Rhys danced first and, for some unknown reason, reverted to manic, frantic energy! What was he thinking? He performed the routine well again and things did look a little smoother. Maybe the judges would like the extra party performance.

John turned his turn out up a notch, too. The kicks, flicks & retractions were sharper, he was more in sync with Johannes and he seemed a bit more relaxed.

This was the moment of truth. Who was going to join Rose & AJ in next week's Grand Final and be in with a chance of winning the whole shebang? The panel made their comments with each of them saying it was an incredibly difficult decision for them as both couples were amazing. They all wanted both couples to stay in the final, if they could. But decisions had to be made, and it came down to the tiniest details and technicalities. The panel unanimously chose to eliminate...

RHYS.

Ah, well. Someone had to go - them's the Rules after all, and there was no danger of them being bent to give us a four couple finale. There'd have been an uproar, a outcry, a gosh-darned hullabaloo if they'd have done that. Twitter would have all but exploded!

And so we have our finalists. Next week we'll see the Ballroom Battle Royale between

AJ & Kai

John & Johannes

Rose & Giovanni

Now, that one WILL be too close to call. Until then, my Strictly pals.....

KEEP DANCING!!

Rhys is in pieces because Stephenson's been given the rocket

No Quarter Given

 

Yes, I know you can see a bloke scoring a try but a) I like rugby and b) it was the best I could find.

Well, here we are again. Strictly Day already. Doesn't time fly when you're having fun? I say fun, I really mean working, sleeping, stressing...you know, grown up stuff. And after all that gubbins we've got Christmas in THREE WEEKS! I hope you've all got your sprouts on or they'll never be done in time. Ah, Christmas Traditions: bags of nuts you'll never eat - and don't even have a nutcracker for, anyway - half hundredweight of satsumas, seventy-five tubs of chocolate and a random bottle of Advocaat nobody even likes but you've got to get it because it's Tradition. Although you can't quite remember why.

Have you got your tree up yet? Some folk round here have had their astonishingly tacky light displays up since November 6th! Can you imagine their lecky bill? Doesn't bear thinking about! 

  

Tasteful and understated, just like me

We might do ours next weekend. We always try and find the most awful bauble or tree decoration each year. We have a dinosaur, a burger that looks like it's been in a nuclear accident and a Dalek. This year, I think we've outdone ourselves. A lurid green gherkin in a Santa hat.

Nothing says Christmas like a festive pickle

Oh, and next weekend we go on our Works' Do. I'll probably get squiffy and end up going to bed with the boss again. Ah, now, don't get too excited. By Works' Do I mean HOTH's driving school and, as he's self-employed, he's the boss. Well, that's what I let him think, anyway. 

And, of course, we only have three Strictlys left. Our Famous Five are all trying their very bestest to get into the final and a hope of grabbing the big, shiny Glitterball, prying it from reigning champ Bill Bailey's grasp. No hat-trick for Oti this year, since she was lumbered partnered with Ugo. So, who's going to be Strictly Come Dancing Champion of 2021? Let's have a look who won't be first, shall we?

We were treated to a really rather lovely pro-dance with an actual storyline featuring Oti & Greasy Arnold (Graziano) as a couple in and out of love, flashing between time with them meeting, falling in love, breaking up and meeting again. I think. It was beautifully choreographed, really romantic and touching with the pair acting their roles so well. This was all done to It's All Coming Back To Me Now sung - not by Sealion Diane - Celine Dion to everyone else - but by the massively talented, Olivier award winning Cassidy Janson. I spent quite some time after the show catching up with her work and I really recommend you do, too, if you haven't already.

John & Johannes kicked off the Quarters with a Salsa to We Are Family by Sister Sledge. Well. They certainly got the party started with this number. High energy, high octane, John was giving it large and Johannes was clearly living his absolute best life, pulling some rather odd faces, a huge grin firmly in place. There was a good amount of bounce & hip rotation in this disco style salsa and some decent footwork, John coping well with some difficult choreography. John shook what his momma gave him and did a fab knee slide reminiscent of small boys at weddings throughout the years. It was wild & abandoned full of fun, vigour and joy. There were some really tricky lifts, John tossing Johannes here, there and everywhere like he weighed as much as a fag paper. And then it all went a bit to pot. At the final lift, Johannes gave John the wrong hand and what should have been a pretty amazing presse / plank went awry. Rather than a controlled dismount, John basically dropped Johannes like a roll of carpet where he landed with a bit of a thud. Shame, as it had been good up to then. Johannes styled it out though and tried to make it look like it was done on purpose. Nice try, JoJo. A mixed bag of scores - a seven from Craig who wanted more head action and finished lines - and the pair scored 32 out of 40.

When they be-grin the Beguine

Rhys & Nancy came next with their Argentine Tango to In The Air Tonight by Phil Collins. Sadly no gorilla on the drums, which I was most disappointed by. In the VT, Rhys said 'you can't look like you're giving it too much'. Has he watched himself the past ten weeks? He's been giving it TOO too much. But this week? Who is he and what has he done with the real Rhys? Even Claudia asked 'Where has Rhys gone'? 

This was moody, intense, dark and controlled. Rhys was totally in character and really connected with Nancy this time. There were changes of pace, slowing right down then picking up speed which leant drama to the routine. His ganchos were very good - and there were a lot of them - and he showed purpose, attack, intent and a maturity we've never seen before. He nailed the Argentine tango walks - again, quite a lot of those too (the choreographers had obviously worked to Rhys' strengths) and coped well with the amazing lifts, including a spin where he held onto Nancy's neck and twazzed her around and a huge wrist-ripper. By the end Shirley and Motsi were on their feet, Motsi shouting 'TEN, TEN, TEN!', which rather spoiled the surprise. A slight missed synchronicity in the grapevines spotted by Craig (who else?) cost them a full house and they were given 39 out of 40.

Eee - lad's got some neck!

Rose & Giovanni brought us a foxtrot based American Smooth to This Will Be (An Everlasting Love) by Natalie Cole. Colour me #Team RoGio! This was simply a beautiful dance. Rose looked gorgeous and sweet in a flowing dress and her face absolutely shone with joy all through the routine. It was light, easy, flowing & flirty, Gio starting with chat up line cards a la Love Actually but less marriage-wrecking. Rose again showed great rhythm and musicality, easily coping with complex choreography and switching pace. Her frame and posture were exquisite both in and out of hold, her footwork was on point and she finished every single line. The love between the pair shines off the screen - friendship & trust love, that is - and that's what makes them a great couple. The last time someone looked at me like Gio looks at Rose I'd just given him a Bonio (that's a dog treat for the uninitiated, not anything rude). And speaking of trust - there was a jaw-dropping, breath-taking and other mixed metaphors Leap of Faith lift where Rose basically launched herself horizontally into mid-air with Gio catching her hands with split second timing to spin her around. One tiny fraction of a second out and she'd have crashed painfully to the floor. 

Shirley made the gaffe of the night, telling Rose she was impressed that she had been able to block out all the clapping & cheering for Rhys to concentrate on her dance. Erm..she's deaf Shirl. That's why she has a sign interpreter. Mind you, you could take it as Rose is so good, Shirley completely forgot about her deafness. I like to put a positive spin on things where I can. A teeny, tiny, miniscule heel turn error picked up by the Prince of Piffle Craig but the couple still scored a cracking 39 out of 40.

Team RoGio - Crazy In Love (but not like that)

Dan & Nadiya took to the floor with a Tango to Santa Maria by Gotan Project. Dan looked dapper in his striped whistle (suit) but he kinda reminded me of a spiv. I'm not convinced stripes were the way to go. Gomez Addams could pull it off but he was suave and slick. Dan...isn't. The dance started well, with a CGI taverna scene, Dan & Nadiya dancing on the furniture (they'd get kicked out of the place if they tried that round here). Dan seemed to be managing the soft bent-knee style needed for a tango and his frame looked decent. There was some decent staccato head moves and he was dancing with attack & purpose, changing pace and direction. And then it all went wrong. No idea why - maybe something went wrong we didn't spot and it put him off, maybe he forgot the steps - but it just...fell apart. He started to rise and fall instead of glide / walk, his hands were like bunches of bananas and he went totally off balance. His frame lost all shaping, his top line wobbled and he started to hunch his shoulders and lean forwards into Nadiya. It was such a shame as this could have been a decent dance for Dan - especially as it was Nadiya's first tango as a lead pro. The judges were unforgiving, with the exception of Shirley who had clearly been on the Christmas sherry awarding a flipping NINE. 31 out of 40 for the third week in a row.

Spivvy Civvy

Dan Go Tango

AJ & Kai rounded things off with a Salsa to Rhythm Is Gonna Get You / Get On Your Feet by Gloria Estefan and Miami Sound Machine (which took longer to type than the dance lasted). AJ started solo, dancing on some stairs, looking confident and in control. The dance was really fast and fierce, AJ showing great moves, fab hip action and rhythm. Again, the pair were totally in sync in the side by side sections and there was terrific energy and enthusiasm. AJ had plenty of attitude and attack, even when the song & rhythm changed halfway through. Unfortunately, the landing of the lifts was heavy, the transitions were sticky and she started to get a bit flat-footed. 

And then it all went wrong. Again. I don't know what happened last night, perhaps Quarter Final nerves, but AJ didn't seem herself after about a third of the dance. The final lift was an absolute casserole, a dance disaaaaaarster. AJ struggled to get up to Kai's shoulders, nearly fell off, then couldn't get her leg around his neck to finish the move. She ended up looking like a drunken fan in a mosh pit, trying to get on her boyfriend's shoulders for a better view. There's no doubt they should have abandoned the attempt the minute they felt it go wrong. It was sadly quite embarrassing and awkward and spoiled what had been a decent enough dance up to then. The judges had no choice but to mark them down and they finished with just 30 out of 40.

The rhythm definitely got AJ on the night

And so, after only an hour, we were done and the leader board looked like this:

Rhys & Nancy - 39

Rose & Giovanni - 39

John & Johannes - 32

Dan & Nadiya - 31

AJ & Kai - 30

Sunday rolled around, as it is wont to do. My Bonne Maman preserves advent calendar (probably the best I've ever had - and, again, no sponsorship, freebies or payment for the mention) yielded a strawberry and lemon verbena jam, which was miles nicer then the dog chocolate you get in some others. HOTH has a Playmobil Back To The Future one though, of which I am secretly jealous.

Of course, Sunday is also Results Day, which is probably why you've stuck with me so far.

We got another pro dance! Aren't we lucky? A medley of Janet Jackson tunes, big on Girl Power moves as the ladies took centre stage for most of the routine, especially Karen & newbie Jowita. Cracking street dance /funk style that got us in the mood. Well, it got me in the mood anyway.

There was the usual quick recap and behind the scenes chatter for a bit of filler.

Now, with only five couples left, you'd think it wouldn't take Tess as long. Ha! Wrong! She's fully accepted that particular challenge. The bumbedy bum music & flashing lights came on and, fifty million years later we were told the first person in the dance off was...

RHYS! Wait, what? It wasn't Rhys? Blimey. I'm so used to the poor lad being in the bottom I got carried away with me'sen. He did scream like a banshee that had won the lottery then trapped its sensitive bits in a drawer. Can't blame him, though. It must have been such a relief not to be in the dance off. Ahem. Right. Let's try that again. The first person in the dance off was...

AJ. No big surprise, really. She was the bottom of the leader board and had had a shocker of a week. And we are at that time where someone who is talented will be going home. Would this be AJ's time to go home? Or would she fix those mistakes and manage to get her leg over Kai properly. Now, now!

Up with Claudia, Rhys admitted he never thought he'd be up in the Clauditorium again. He thanked the public from the bottom of his heart and is looking forward to double dances next week.

Rose said she can't believe she's still in the competition. She was so overwhelmed she was near speechless. And we learned Gio has had 80 top mark scores of 10 over his career. Which is pretty good going.

We were treated to the tuneful trillings of  X-Factor boyband JLS, featuring former Strictly contestant Aston Merrygold - a Hobbit name if ever I heard one! Not so much a boyband now as a blokeband. Oritse taking lead vocals looked oddly like Lenny Henry's character Theophilus T Wildebeest. They still have a decent fanbase and sound as good as they ever did, singing Postcard.

In the Judges' Chat, Shirley cleared up what she'd meant saying Rose was blocked out all the noise while all the commotion was going on for Rhys - that, while Rose could see everyone on their feet, stamping, whooping & hollering, it didn't put her off. Craig gave his view and told us he'd had a very good laugh at AJ's misfortunes. As had we all.

Back to Tess and what would surely be a fairly quick announcement, seeing as there were only two couples left. And yet...No, I jest. It wasn't actually that long before we were told the second dancer in danger was...

DAN - FINALLY. Or, more accurately, Quarter Finally. He's been very popular with the public and there was a lot of talk about him not only getting to the final, but winning the whole competition on Viewer Vote, just like Chris Hollins a few years ago. That would have put the feline amongst the avians. I think some forums would have exploded.

Le Chat sat on The Chat

Claud spoke to the last safe couple, John & Johannes. It was quite emotional, John telling Johannes he loved him, Johannes saying it was the best year he's ever had and he loved John, too. I'm so, so glad they've made it through.

In the 'how you can catch up with Strictly while it's not on' bit there was an awfully prophetic part with AJ & Kai where she was pretending to be checking the social meeja pages and Kai told her 'If you don't want our dance to look socially awkward, we'd better get training'. Mystic Meg eat your heart out.

Dance off time and Dan took to the floor first. He'd tidied up some of the errors and tightened up his frame but there was still some rise and fall and banana hands. AJ had cleaner landings and the final lift actually worked. A mad spinning splits cartwheel thing. Which makes me wonder if they'd changed or simplified it to make sure it did. Hmmm. We shall never know.

Both couples were done and dusted. Nothing more they could do but wait on the judges' verdict. Who was going to get the thumbs down and be hanging up their dancing shoes? Well, the panel were unanimous in their verdict and the celebrity going home was...

DAN

Ah, well he had a good run and did much, much better than people imagined. He tried his best, he put the hours in and, more importantly, he enjoyed himself. And you can't say fairer than that.

We're down to The Fab Four for next week and it will be all stops out to get to the Final. Who will it be? Tune in next week to find out. Until then Strictly chums...KEEP DANCING!

Do do do do do do do, do do do do doooo.

WHAM, BAM, THANK YOU DAN!