Strictly Sensation for The Beeb's Big Birthday

Hello. Fancy meeting you here! I know, I know. I said I was taking a two week break. I got confuddled. I completely forgot there was a week in between mum in law's birthday and Halloween. So you get a bonus week free and for nuffink. Aren't I good to you.

It's been a funny old week, especially with Downing Street Hokey Cokey. (You put one PM in, one PM out, in, out, in, out, what the <bleep's> it all about?) She hadn't even had time to choose the extortionate cost at Taxpayer expense wallpaper! But this blog isn't about politics, is it? This is a - hopefully - fun safe space where I get to pour scorn on people trying to entertain us. I mean, could I do it? Possibly if I was paid a lot of money, got 12 hours a day training time and Gio or Vito grabbing my wobbly bits (of which there are a lot).

So, what happened last week, eh? The week I don't blog everyone ups their game, is what. I couldn't believe my eyes when we watched after the Jason Manford gig (very, very funny by the way). Hamza's incredible routine, lifts, chucking Jowita around like pizza dough.  Tony did a fleckerl, James smiled - even Matt showed some personality. Didn't stop him from being eliminated, mind.

Sometimes HOTH hates Strictly season. All he gets when a song comes on the radio or a TV theme tune plays is me blurting out what dance I'd like to do to it;

Nothing Else Matters by Metallica? Viennese Waltz, of course

Theme to House of the Dragon? Paso, no contest

You Know My Name - Tango, innit

You get the gist. There is a point to this waffling, you know. The theme of this week's Strictly is celebrating 100 years of the BBC, from radio to TV and streaming. Which led to some very strange music and dances. Never were there so many square pegs hammered viciously into round holes. What was the noise - oh, yes. The one you get after you've scraped through the bottom of the barrel. I swear the Strictly offices must be exactly like those depicted in the TV show W1A. I know ours are!

Strangeness and incongruousness aside, was it a good night? Well, let me show you. (Oi HOTH! Put the Gallery music from Take Hart will you?)

The pro dance was okay. All dancing in different places (14 TV shows, 35 BBC stars), Huw Edwards patently not playing the ukulele, David Attenborough being sat on by gorillas, all set to Morecambe & Wise's theme Bring Me Sunshine, and lots more iconic clips,  - sans the elephant doing her business on the Blue Peter studio floor. Speaking of which...

Helen & Gorka opened the show with a cracker of a Charleston to the Blue Peter Theme Tune. Smooth segue, eh? I don't know what Gorka has been saying to Helen in the week but she came out onto the floor like a totally different person - the one who cycled to the North Pole, kayaked solo down the Amazon and high-wired between the Battersea Power Station towers. From the outset Helen gave it everything she had. This was a full-on, content-packed, difficult Charleston. It was fun, cheeky and entertaining with bags of swivel, kicks, flicks, tricks, tumbles, sailor's hornpipes and props. Helen was clearly loving it - a mile wide smile on her face as she danced, bang on time, in step and in sync with Gorka even while chucking a ball about and playing tug of war. I especially enjoyed the 'Here's One We Made Earlier' prop of the judges at the end. Nautical but nice, Helen scored 35 out of 40.

Tyler & Dianne came next with a Tango to The Doctor Who Theme Tune (didn't KevinFromGrimsby and Stacey Dooley do that the year they won?). Now, Tyler doesn''t make life easy for himself. London Marathon the other week, this week he'd flown to Mauritius for his brother's wedding, stayed 2 hours and 45 minutes then came back home for training. AND he's the highest scoring male celebrity so far. I liked this routine - no silly costume for Tyler, just the bow-tie (bow-ties are cool) and Amy as the prettiest Weeping Angel I ever saw - Blink is my favourite episode of Doctor Who, by the way. This was a really good dance. Tyler had power, attack and drive - but was still controlled. He coped well with the tricky footwork and the speed of the dance, changes of direction and hold, paso postures and turns. His frame held well but his bum stuck out too far for Craig. Nice sharp staccato moves and atmosphere, though, and the pair scored 32 out of 40.

Fleur & Vito brought us a Jive to Waterloo by ABBA (a nod to the Beeb airing The Eurovision Song Contest). I must say, Vito still does it for me in a Benny wig - the bloke from ABBA, not Crossroads, I'm not that mad.

Friends with Bennyfits

It wasn't a bad dance - there was a lot to like. Fleur had lots of energy at the start, her knees nice and high, coping well with some tricky content and moves.She was more controlled, her kicks and flicks were okay and there was a decent step-ball-kick action. However, her timing started to go off as her stamina flagged and she started to get flat-footed, heavy and stompy. Still, Shirley was nice to her for a change and she scored 32 out of 40.

Up next were James & Amy with a flaky Foxtrot to the EastEnders Theme Tune (bet that took them AGES to thunk up). It started with a plinky-plonky piano version - fair made me want a cocktail, it did. Good job I had some in that I'd got through the post, and they were very nice. And Old Fashioned and Side Car. But enough about me & HOTH. Now, I know James is busy with work and has to fit training in around filming but so did Rose and she won. He's a nice enough bloke but, I'm sorry, I just find him boring to watch. He has no real charisma on the floor and he is one note from start to finish. His arms and lines are improving but he leaned way too far back, meaning his balance was off. That meant his frame went loose & sloppy while his feet were stiff, stompy & stodgy and there was gapping you could have fitted The Queen Vic through. Not so much as GET OUT OF MY PUB as GET OFF OF MY DANCE FLOOR. 26 out of 40 awarded.

Ellie S & Nikita provided a passable Paso Doble to Montagues & Capulets (Theme from The Apprentice. I know they were going for a board room / Apprentice theme but I didn't like Ellie's make up and costume. It was too harsh and unflattering. This was a hard dance for Ellie to do, due to her disabilities, but Nikita had adapted the choreography really well to showcase how she's improving week on week without skimping on content and difficulty. It was a moody, atmospheric dance and Ellie had great focus and intent throughout. She really embodies the characters she is given and her storytelling through dance is fab. Her lines were lovely, her feet on fleek. There was even a wrist-ripper spin. There weren't enough Spanish lines for grumpy Craig and Shirl docked points for an 'assisted lift'. 30 out of 40 from the picky panel.

The evening's Couple's Choice came from Mollie & Carlos to the Grange Hill Theme Tune (aka Chicken Man). I'm sorry, but this came across like a Pound Shop Matilda rip-off routine put together by energetic Year 6 kids. All shiny teeth & wobbly eyes, this was supposed to be a Street Dance but there was too much faffing with bags, gurning at the camera and lack-lustre lolloping. It was a bit slow and too stylised for me, there was no real attack or energy and the moves came across as sloppy and unfinished. It needed more attack, more pep and bigger shaping to really make it pop. It was all too safe & polite - more Public School than London Comp, even with a stabbed sausage and a mashed potato pie in Carlos' face. The judges weren't too impressed either and only gave the couple 30 out of 40.

Hamza & Jowita were next with a Quickstep to On Top Of The World by Imagine Dragons (used in BBC Nature Programming). Hamza surprises and delivers week on week - and still finds room for improvement. He's one of the dancers I really look forward to seeing each week. He is SO light on his feet for a larger chap and skipped and glided through this routine like he does it every day. There was loads of swing in the dance with clever choreography, changes of pace and direction and Hamza fair flew across the floor. This was a joyful routine and he had a great hold, nice shaping, lovely hands and top line, leading Jowita well. He needs to work on his feet though, as he has a tendency to flit between pigeon-toed and penguin-footed which made him lose some balance (by the way, if you want a giggle, Google Benedict Cumberbatch narrating some footage of penguins). Hamza's Arctic routine didn't leave the judges cold and he scored 35 out of 40. That'll do n-ice-ly.

Ellie T & Johannes took us to Holby with a Tango to the Casualty Theme Tune. I don't know about you, but their faux hospital drama opening really made me laugh - heck, it even made Craig laugh. I think I'd honestly watch a medical soap starring Team Jellie. It wasn't the easiest music to dance to, but Ellie gave it her best shot. She had practiced her head placement, which was beautiful, and had worked hard on shaping, top lines and footwork. Her hands were practically perfect and she coped well with the natural and reverse turns, as well as a decent promenade. She lacked some drive and attack but this was a damn good effort - Ellie is another improver who takes the judges' notes on board. A fair 29 out of 40,

Jayde & Karen brought the second Charleston of the night to The Ballad of Barry & Freda (Let's Do It) by Victoria Wood. This is hands down and without doubt my favourite song by the sadly missed comedy queen. The first time I heard it I was in pain from laughing so much. The first time SOTH heard it he collapsed in a heap, tears streaming down his face. He even downloaded it to his phone. I know, I know. I'm stalling. Jayde & Karen were supposed to look like Victoria Wood in dungarees and pudding-bowl haircuts. Unfortunately, they looked more like Hale & Pace's Billy & Johnny.

                         

All Hale Jayde's Pace, I know I Wood

It started off okay, with Jayde at the piano singing the opening bars. Then she started dancing and, well...Now, I quite like Jayde. She's personable and self-deprecating, but this really wasn't her dance. It was a madcap routine with Jayde bringing great character and enthusiasm. However, there wasn't really much Charleston content apart from the very basics and she lacked swivel in her feet. The lifts and tricks were quite good but she needed more energy, attack and over-the-top, exaggerated moves. She kind of stood still and watched Karen doing her bits rather than fill in or do something of her own, which is a no-no in a Charleston. She scored 28 out of 40 on the night possibly overmarked.

Will & Nancy delivered an arresting Viennese Waltz to Line of Duty End Titles (Will was in Season Three). Jesus, Mary, Joseph and the wee donkey, this was a fab take on a Viennese. It was like a mash up of Viennese, Tango and Paso which was a really refreshing change. Will always wants to give his best and this dance was no exception. Instead of the floaty-light, twirly-whirly Viennese this had drama, attack, presence and poise. There was no romance here - it was mean, moody, menacing and I loved it. Will had a nice frame and some good shaping, he gave us a fab fleckerl and his spins and turns were very nice. He made a couple of foot errors and there was a tiny stumble at one point as well as splayed bunch-of-bananas hands at times. The judges said he needs more control in some of his moves but he still got a respectable 32 out of 40.

Nobody can say that Tony isn't enjoying his time with Katya as he attempted their Cha Cha Cha to the Grandstand Theme Tune. He certainly puts the hours in with his training, anway. While he did show some rhythm, he still looked like Katya was dragging her dad around the dancefloor at her Sweet Sixteenth. Tony undoubtedly has tons of personality and he's working hard, especially with his connection with his partner (I would love to know what she's saying to him during the routine). He lacked any hip movement, rotation, figure-of-eight or isolation below the waist, which seemed to have got on a completely different bus to the rest of his body. In a dance already low on content there were no real Cha Cha Cha steps, even the  most basic ones, and his leg was more noodle than anything. Poor Tony looked more like Mr Soft from the old Trebor Mints ad.

                     

This Cha Cha Charming Man

Again, Tony seemed to forget some of the routine, he mis-stepped all over the shop and had all the rhythm of a sedated seal. Is he a good dancer? No, of course not. Is he entertaining? Without doubt. Despite a lowly 19 out of 40, I suspect we'll see more of Mr Adams yet. But if he's dancing to The Addams Family for Halloween week I'm going to hit the tequila hard. HOTH be warned!

Kym & Graziano rounded off the night with a Quickstep to Ballroom Blitz by Sweet (from, apparently, Come Dancing), introduced by the doyenne of telly ballroom dancing, Angela Rippon. Kym looked lovely in the old style ballroom dress ('Kym is wearing a chiffon and lace number, with two hundred and eighty million sequins hand-sewn by her mum at 11 o'clock last night'). It was alright. Her footwork was fair and she was skippy and clippy in a routine that even had some Charleston moves, but it could have been so much MORE. It was all a bit sedate, polite and dare I say safe? Of course I do, it's my blog! There wasn't much content, attack or drive from Kym and she seemed to lack stamina and energy. Her frame was all over the place, loose & wobbly and so ruining her top line. The whole thing fell a bit flat for me, especially after Hamza's version. I mean, it would be like comparing my dancing round me handbag to Darcey Bussell. Kym scored 27 out 40.

The credits had rolled on our final dance, the National Anthem played and the screen faded to that truly terrifying Little Girl & Clown ident they had in the Olden Days. Well, it didn't really but you know what I'm talking about. When Telly Used To Go Off At Night And Didn't Start Again Until Late Morning. What with the girl & clown, Hartley Hare from Pipkins and Mr Noseybonk - all on kids' TV, by the way - it's a wonder I'm even vaguely normal. Hey, enough of that!

   

And you thought the Tellytubbies looked odd

And so Saturday turned into Sunday and time for The Results Show. Which of our Dancing Dirty Dancers was Doomed? Would there be an Upset and a Scandal? Let me tell you, then.

The opening showcased the Beeb's Natural History Team and a pretty spectacular dance. Using Sir David Attenborough's narration, it started with a shirtless, oiled up Vito and that was pretty much it for my blood pressure. I nearly had to go for a lie down. Young man! At my age!

We went over the dances from last night again, a quick review of what the judges thought and how the contestants felt about the routines and scores. The lights went down and the bumbedy-bum music played (it's not the same without Gio's head bopping). After roughly the time it takes Neptune to orbit the sun twice we found out that the first celeb in the bottom two was...

MOLLIE - Maybe this was because she was mid-table and people thought she was safe and didn't vote. Maybe it was because she kind of shot herself in the foot (metaphorically speaking) by reminding us she graduated from the Sylvia Young Theatre School and thus a ringah. Maybe it was because her routine wasn't that good. Who knows? Only the dance off would tell if she would make it to Halloween week - and beyond.

The first set of safe slebs huddled in the Clauditorium for a debrief. James was convinced he was going home, Kym was over the moon (and we were treated to footage of her grandchildren bopping away), Helen researches the dances prior to training it with 'new big brother' Gorka and Tony called himself a donkey. I'm saying nowt. Will has found a new army of fans in younger viewers, and gave a cheeky nod to Whitney Houston.

Then we were treated to tunes from Becky Hill. No? Me either, I'm afraid. Apparently, she was on The Voice or summat. She seemed nice enough but she has that nasally, poorly enunciated style everyone seems to have at the minute. You know what I mean. The sort that made me wonder why Anne-Marie was showering a horse. I'm afraid she's going to end up in the same I'm A Grumpy Old Bint music file in my head along with Dua Grande, Ariana Lipa, Nibbly Eyelash (Billie Eilish) et al. I'm more a Foo Fighters, Metallica, older Kings of Leon fan, myself.

The judges wittered about waltzes and quarrelled about quicksteps. Motsi loved Helen, saying she looked like a new woman. Shirl manhandled Anton into postures and poses to explain posture. Our Tone raved over Will's fleckerl (stop it) and demonstrated how to do one properly. Craig explained why Ellie's lift was illegal and that he deducted a point for 'showing off'. He also called the papier mache version of Shirley a train-wreck. Or was he referring to the effigy? Chinnius Reckonus.

Back to the dancefloor for the second half of Dance Off Danger. Two minutes and 15.32 seconds later (I timed it) and we were finally out of our misery (but not theirs) when Tess told us the celeb who was up against Mollie would be...

JAYDE - not much of a surprise, if I'm honest, even with Shirley calling her one of the series' strongest entertainers. Arsenal fans and underdog supporters will be keeping Tony in, likewise EastEnders fans with James. Online reading seemed to show support for Jayde was waning and Victoria Wood fans may have been miffed. Would she live to dance again?

Claud & Chums regrouped. Fleur has apparently never had coffee until Vito got his hands on her, Ellie S screams the tension out before she hits the dancefloor, Hamza's parents are both surgeons whose patients want to know about him rather than their op. Johannes' smile apparently lit up Cardiff and Dianne encourages Tyler like she's toilet training a spaniel puppy (who's the best ballroom dancer, who's a good boy?)

And so to the dreaded dance off. Both couples seemed to have upped their game and their performances. Mollie was sharper, cheekier and more in character but she was clumsy & clunky getting down off the table. Jayde's moves were bigger and she seemed to put more oomph into the routine. Both couples still lacked something for me. Good job I wasn't judging then, isn't it? As it was, them what gets paid to do it were unanimous in their verdict and the next celebrity to fall was...

JAYDE. Not such a massive surprise - I don't think she was ever favourite to win. She had a good few weeks and certainly enjoyed herself partnering with Karen. At least we won't have to witness any more nose boops - something that should only really be done to cats. She gave great praise to the show, yo the cast, all the backstage crew and, of course, to Karen. 

Right. I am DEFINITELY not here next week. For realsies. 'Tis the anniversary of HOTH & I tying the knot and so it is customary that we eat nice food and imbibe lovely beverages. So you'll have to look after yourselves. Until then, my Paso Pals.....

KEEP DANCING!!!

No Glitterball for this Jayded Lady

I have written a naughty extra verse for The Ballad of Barry & Freda. It's tongue in cheek and meant to be lighthearted, so please don't read on if you may be offended...

I can't do it, can't do it

Who the feck thought of this?

No swivel, such drivel

Folk will think I'm taking the piss

I'm shoddy, so ploddy

I've seen better dancing in an episode of Noddy

I didn't do it, I'm going home toniiiiiiiiiiiight

I Like To Movie It, Movie It

Hello again, dance fans. Have you all had a lovely week? No? Me either. I tell a lie - the trains were on strike this week which meant I didn't have to travel into the office in what looked like a biblical monsoon. So, you know, silver linings and all that. Oh, and we had nachos while watching Bum Cough (household nickname for Bake Off - started as Bunk Off but TOTH (Teen Of The House) misheard and it stuck. It's the little things, isn't it?

While I've still got your attention - unless you've just scrolled to the bottom to see who got binned - I won't be blogging for the next two weeks. Next Saturday we're off to see Jason Manford - at the Arena, not round his gaff, like (although HOTH is mates with Jason's brother). And I know the week after is Halloween and usually a lot of fun, but it's our wedding anniversary and I'll have more entertaining things on my hands than bashing at a keyboard on a Sunday morning.

Right, now that's all out of the way, let's turn our attention to the task at hand - Movie Night on Strictly. Some people get sniffy at the 'Americanism' and think it should be Film Night but I give not one jot either way, to be honest. It has long been 'The Pictures' in our house. My very first foray was to see Snow White And The Seven Dwarfs (NOT its premiere you cheeky things) where I apparently stood on my chair and shouted 'Don't eat the apple! Don't eat the apple!' I was seventeen at the time so I should have known better. I jest - I was about four. It was a much more successful outing than when I was taken to the circus and had to be brought home after screaming hysterically when the clowns came out. What? They're sinister. I knew that long before Stephen King penned IT.

Anyway. Strictly. Well, it was quite the jolly caper and I even knew most of the songs and films they were on about. The show opened with a wee skit involving Anton planning to steal the Glitterball with the help of Craig and the cast. It was a fun start to the night - especially Tony Adams backflipping across the floor. What do you mean it wasn't him?!

The pro dance was, quite frankly, amazing. I could have turned the telly off after watching just that. The routine was to 'We Don't Talk About Bruno' from Encanto. Now, was that a subtle dig at the departed Mr Tonioli or a co-inky-dinky? Chinny reckon, says I. Although Claudia tried to put us off the scent by saying they talk about him all the time. Ha, as if. From the beginning the pro number was captivating and mesmerising - Karen as Mirabel, brooding Italian Stallions Graz, Gio & Vito, fabulous costumes and choreography. It were proper bo, I tell thee. And so on with the show. Lights, camera, action - we're rolling.

Up first were Richie & Giovanni dancing a Samba to Hakuna Matata from The Lion King. I'm not quite sure whose idea it was to dress them as Timon and Pumbaa but I'm never going to see Gio in quite the same way. It's taken me yonks to stop thinking of him as a sexy gerbil, now a warthog?

This was a silly, fun and energetic start to the show with Richie going for it big style and shaking everything his momma gave him - even if it wasn't part of the choreography. It took a while to get going as the pair spent time bantering with the judges - Richie wiggling his bum in Craig's face and Gio near snogging Shirley. When it did start it was utterly bonkers! There was loads of content and some tricky stuff - promenades, walks, locks and bounce - but not enough for Craig. Richie had bags of stamina but his arms were a bit flingy and he got uncoordinated at times like an over-excited labrador puppy (without the widdle on the floor. One would hope). His sync with Gio was good but the theme of the dance - and the costumes - meant it lacked fluidity and the usual Samba rolls - maybe they were doing Simba rolls. I'm not lion, because pride comes before a fall, but this put a smile on my face for sure. 27 out of 40 scored.

Molly & Carlos were up next with a Waltz to One Hand, One Heart from West Side Story. Look, you don't need me to tell you that stage school trained Molly is good. This was a lovely, smooth, flowing routine with some gorgeous rise and fall. A stripped back dance with no gimmicks and tricks, this showed her flair and style well. She had some beautiful footwork and very nice shaping and frame. There was some good, moving storytelling in Carlos' choreography and Molly carried it off. Anton wants to see more time in hold, though. With a 'gawjuss' from Craig the pair earned 34 out of 40.

Following this were Kym & Graziano with a Charley-stone, sorry, Charleston to If My Friends Could See Me Now from Sweet Charity. Kym started with a good solo spot and coped well with some tricky bits. She showed great character and played it up well in a silly, showbiz routine. There were some fab lifts and spins which she controlled well, including leaping blind, backwards into Graz's arms which needs some trust. Imagine if they'd had a barney before coming out and he let her drop? The pair were in sync most of the time but Kym lacked swivel and the moves were not always 'big' enough. Again, the judges must have been watching a different dance as Anton called it the 'best of the series so far' which was utter hyperbole, and Graz getting the first 9s of his Strictly career. 33 out of 40 scored.

Hamster & Jowita brought the first Rumba of the series to the Theme from Jurassic Park. Not the tune that springs to mind when someone says 'sexy dance' - and definitely not the 'vertical expression of horizontal desire' as Shirl calls it. If you've read this blog before you know my feelings on the Rumba. Walk, walk, wiggle, pout, walk, wave your arms a bit, wiggle. It's boring. And, sorry Hamza, my mind wasn't changed last night. I wish they'd kept the dino costumes they'd had on for the VT - at least that would have been interesting. Hamza had some nice lines and shaping, his hips were good and he had a decent attempt at cucarachas (don't ask me, I'm just nicking what Motsi said. I thought it was Spanish for cockroach) but it was all very careful & placed. There wasn't a lot of content - even for a Rumba - and it needed more light, shade & resistance. A low 25 out of 40 for the pair.

Ellie T & Johannes followed with a Cha Cha Cha to The Shoop Shoop Song from Mermaids. Or, as I sing, 'if you want to know if he loves you so just get him....drunk' (or words to that effect). Ellie nailed a cheeky, fun character and there were some good twists - her hips, not in the plot of the dance - and her frame in hold wasn't too bad. Her arms were a bit loose out of hold and she needed more isolation. Her weight was in the wrong place over her feet, though, and that hampered the straight leg needed for a decent Cha Cha Cha. Shirl got really narky and told everyone off  for doing heel leads and Anton said Ellie has a 'problem down below'. It'll be all those sequins - I know the feeling. A miserable 21 out of 40.

Matt & Nadiya took to the floor with a Viennese Waltz to Hold My Hand from Top Gun. Matt wheeled out the 'dedicate this to my grandad' bit but at least his kecks were looser this week and the only cockpit we saw was in the VT. He has worked on the gapping issues, did well with some natural and reverse turns and it was much better than last week. Unfortunately, his frame and positioning were shocking, his feet flat and he was too stiff (stop it). It was all a bit stop / start again and there was no emotion in what should have been a romantic number. He doesn't seem to gel with Nadiya on the dance floor - I've seen more connection in a bag of marbles. The dance split the judges - a mean three from Craig and a ridiculous seven from Anton - no wonder Matt looked confused. A bit like a dog being taught quantum theory. 21 out of 40 in total.

        

Tyler & Dianne brought us simply one of the best Charlestons I ever seen on Strictly to Flash, Bang, Wallop! from Half a Sixpence. Blimey O'Riley. Tyler had run the London Marathon on Sunday (he did well getting back to the studio for the results show, didn't he?) before the training started again on the Monday. You'd never have known as this dance was a full on, high energy, high octane thrill from start to finish. Tyler was gobsmackingly good in a routine that Dianne said she'd struggled with at the start. Bags and bags of character, cheeky nods and winks and his own little flourishes - he really got the crowd going. There was practically every Charleston move going in the choreography - and some I don't think ever have been. He had fantastic swivel in his feet, which flew over the floor, his sync and rhythm were fantastic and the lifts - including giving Dianne a flying twizzer by the ankles - were out of this world. Wow, wow, wow. A Fab-u-lous from Craig and the first 10s of the series from Motsi & Shirley, the dazzling duo scored 38 out of 40. In. Week. Three.

Fleur & Vito had to followed this with an American Smooth to Part of Your World from The Little Mermaid. I won't dwell on the furore about the recent remake with a lady of colour as Arial. If you have a problem with it we can't be friends. Well, we could tell what they'd spent the CGI budget on this week. I wasn't sure what was set and what was pixels. Which I suppose is the point. Fleur was graceful and elegant throughout the dance with some nice lyrical flow. She was light on her feet and she had worked on finishing her lines. The lifts were okay - Vito cartwheeling his way into one - and Fleur's core and frame are improving. She still needs to work on her transitions, though, and she needs to polish and finesse the finer details - especially not picking her feet up between steps. Shirl was nicer to Fleur this week and a total of 29 out of 40 was awarded.

James & Amy - dyed green for the show - came on with what we were told was a Cha Cha Cha to a medley of tunes from Guardians of The Galaxy - settling on Hooked On A Feeling. Erm...I've seen worse. James had a fun solo start & break, channelling his inner Star Lord but he was so wooden & stiff he should have been Groot. Actually. scratch that - Groot has a personality. His weight was over his feet nicely and his shimmies were fine but other than that it was a bit of a nightmare. The trouble is, he doesn't perform a dance. He just does it. 'I move this bit, then wave that bit, now stand over here'. He's supposed to be an actor for crying out loud (well, I mean, he's on EastEnders but that's what it says on his CV). He's got character off the dance floor - he just leaves it in the dressing room. He was flat-footed, there was no hip rotation or isolation, he got out of sync and lost timing. Maybe if he actually looked at Amy during the dance he'd do better. 22 out of 40 was all he got.

                                                 

                                                                James Wooden Give Up

Ellie & Nikita thankfully wakened me from my doze with an altogether more entertaining Quickstep to Peppy & George from The Artist. I wish I had half the energy and determination Ellie has. She's a superstar. Her partnership with Nikita is great and you can tell there's real friendship and mutual respect. Nikita did look a bit like Clark-Gable-Meets-Gomez-Addams with dyed black hair but Ellie was stunning again in a Flapper outfit. Fleet, fast, fun & joyful this was a routine chock full of content. Ellie's character was good and she did well both in and out of hold. Sadly, she made some errors and her footwork went awry. There were no heel leads (make your mind up Ballas) and her timing went off. Not her best dance but a fair 27 out of 40 was given.

Will & Nancy brought us the second American Smooth of the night to Cry To Me from Dirty Dancing. Now, if you want to see proper partnership connection you need to look no further than this pair. This is how you do it. Will's eyes were glued to Nancy's throughout this dance, from her carrying the watermelon to the last note. I can forgive Will's 'Smell The Fart' facial expression if he keeps on like this. He had lovely arms, frame and finishes, there was no gapping in hold and he managed the lifts very well. There was great footwork, sync and musicality and, damn it, he made an American Smooth sexy. A decent 33 out of 40 scored.

So....you know how Tony Beak used to use a load of gimmicks to hide how bad his partner was? Well, this year it's the turn of Katya & Tony. Dancing (and I use that term loosely and under advisement) a Samba to You Sexy Thing from The Full Monty the pair had not gone for a traditional fiesta style Samba. Oh, no. I don't know what it was, but it definitely wasn't in the dance rule book. Or a Samba. Coming out dressed as a security guard - as in the film - Tony looked a little more like Blakey from On The Buses.

                                           

This was pure Strictly cheese with a side of Branston. Tony plodded round the floor with all the grace of a hippo with concussion in a dance that was both clunky and wild. But, you  know what? It was fun. Tony had a tiny go at a Samba roll, but he mainly walked round stripping off down to his sparkly shorts, though thankfully no glitterballs were on show. He really went for it and, while he has no rhythm and can never remember a dance all the way through, he didn't take himself seriously.  Motsi & Shirl were in hysterics and could barely give a critique. A very low 18 out of 40 - down from last week.

Helen & Gorka reminded us all that this is a dance competition though. With a very sweet Viennese Waltz to Hopelessly Devoted To You from Grease the pair swept around the floor gracefully. I'm not sure about Gorka's ducks'-ass wig, but Helen was beautiful in her Sandy outfit. She was airy and flowing, had nice top line and was lovely and light on her feet. She did a beautiful, no-short-cuts fleckerl in a dance that had lots of difficult content and tricky steps. She showed good control but she needs a little work on her frame and positioning. Shirley said Helen was the most improved celeb dancer and I really hope she keeps growing in confidence. A nice 31 out of 40.

Jayde & Karen rounded off the night with a Cha Cha Cha to What A Feeling from Flashdance. I'll say it again, if you've not seen Robert Webb's version on Let's Dance for Comic Relief, check it out. I can never hear this tune without giggling as I remember it. Shame he had to leave Strictly - he could have reprised it. Never mind, Jayde was a treat herself. With bags of sass & attitude from the start, you could tell she was loving every minute. Her personality shone in a routine that was fast & full of content. Jayde showed some nice hip action, rotation and isolation - but needed more of these in the walks. Her leg was fairly straight but she got flat footed in places and had a bit of a wobble trying to get back up off the floor. All the iconic Flashdance moves were in there, including a glittery shower finish. A seven from Craig earned Jayde 29 out of 40,

That was that. All the couples had danced. There were some worthy of Strictly Oscars, others more deserving of a Golden Raspberry. But it was a good night overall and we enjoyed it. You can't say fairer than that.

All of a sudden, it was Sunday. Poor Amy having to get dyed green again! I know, you know, they know, they know you & I know. And still they pretend. A bit like you do with your kid and Father Christmas. What? You've never told your children Santa is watching them via the alarm sensors / Ring doorbell / street lights? Yeah you have.

So, Sunday. 

The pro dance started my night off nicely. Vito on a spinny thing - my idea of a Lazy Susan, according to HOTH - in leather, looking mean, moody & broody in an Elvis medley. There might have been some other dancers on the floor as well, but I didn't see them. Which reminds me - speaking of Italy, on my trip to Rome I saw what looked like a Hot Priests calendar. And there's me thinking that was only a thing in Father Ted.

There was the usual recap of the dances and judges' vox pop comments - they have a longer chat later on, remember. With Dreary Daly and her dilatory delivery, we went through several Ice Ages before we first heard Matt was safe and finally learned our first dancer in the danger zone was...

FLEUR! Oh, now come on! That was just bloody ridiculous. Maybe people thought others would be voting for her so wasted gave their vote to another (duffer) celebrity. But, seriously, how many votes must Tony have got to pull him above her in the rankings? I might have to make a Freedom of Information request to The Beeb. Or I could just get over it and move on, I suppose. I'm Not Happy though. Imagine no more Vito. Poor Fleur was visibly shocked and upset.

Up in the Clauditorium there were Words about the outcome. Will was in the unhappy bunny camp - he actually seemed angry about it. Matt was...Matt, Jayde was moved  and Helen has a bottle of milk with her name and face. James Gunn - director of Guardians of the Galaxy Tweeted that he was thinking about James Bye's scene in Volume 3 (he is known for his sense of humour) and Boy George Tweeted he loved Tony,

This week's Star Singer was Adam Lambert. I do wish they would get people who can sing! I'm kidding, he's fab. I mean, he sings with Queen - the band, not the sadly departed monarch. Although I bet she loved karaoke after the Christmas speech. Probably duetted with Philip on Real Dead Ringer For Love. Carlos and Nikita did a boys only Argentine Tango. Adam did a very good, pared back version of Mad About The Boy that was almost Bond-esque in performance. The dude needs to get the next feem toon gig.

The judges nattered about the dances, why Motsi loves the Charley-stone, Shirl was still stunned by Tony, Anton demonstrated a Cuban break - which isn't a holiday in Havana, apparently, and Craig praised Will's acting. We were shown the sheer numbers and skill of the set dressers who have just the space of time between the post-dance chat with Claudia and the next couple's VT to get everything in place for the next one.

Round Two of Jittery Jeopardy and Tess stretching it out like Mr Tickle getting the Christmas Tree out of his loft without a ladder. The rise and fall of a dozen empires later we finally learned that the second pair in the dance off was...

RICHIE! What the what, people? Yes, I know he wasn't getting nines or owt yet but the bloke can actually dance! Poor Richie falling foul of the double whammy of being hampered by a stupid costume and the viewers reverting to the 'Oooh, Tony was funny. I'll vote for him even though he was rubbish and a dead squirrel could do better' trope. Richie put on a brave face but looked resigned.

Clauditorium part two saw Tyler still agog at his tens, Kym has a cardboard cut out of Graz on her house, Ellie S has been enjoying packed lunches made by her boyfriend, Hamza has one fingernail painted for his god daughter, Ellie T was very grateful for votes and Molly & Carlos sang. Well, Molly did. Carlos scared the cat.

And so to the dance off. Sadly, I think this week's decision was a no-brainer. Richie tried valiantly to keep his place and danced his little heart out. But it probably came as no surprise that he was eliminated by three of the judges. Fleur put just that little bit extra in and it was a done deal. Shirley said she would have saved Richie - but that's probably because she doesn't like Fleur. Gutted doesn't cover it and poor Richie was utterly crestfallen, Gio looked unsurprised. There were massive hugs all round and a 'lovely jubbly' from Gio. Some people should have a long, hard look at themselves in the mirror tomorrow. You know who you are.

And so the curtain came down on Movie Week. From all the glitz and glamour to the terrible and the train wrecks. We saw it all. Now it's time to sweep up the popcorn and pick the chewing gum out of the carpet. See you in a couple of weeks my cha cha cha chums. Until then...

KEEP DANCING!

Richie man, poor man!
Booted too soon. SNAFU'd by the Arsenal offside trap.

                                                     

                                         

 

Every Time We Say Goodbye

Hello, hello, hello Dance Fans. It's our second week of the series.October already and the nights are fair drawing in. It'll soon be. No. I can't say it. I won't say it. It's too early! Let's get autumn out of the way first before we start chattering on about That Time. If you fancy reading some autumn themed scribblings by me, there's a very short story I've written on my blog page called 'Another Year'. Just click the '2022' link on the right hand side. and it's in there.

This week saw Motsi mix up the Italian Stallions Greasy Arnold and Joe Varney. I mean, how? Well, come to think of it, it's pretty easy really. I call the cats' names interchangeably, and don't get me started on Alexa (we call the kitchen one a different name so we don't mix them up. Except we do. All the time). 

Anyway - there is a point to this - it reminded me of my recent trip to Rome with my auntie. It was fabulous and I highly recommend it. Even if it was 32 degrees, drivers see pedestrians as fair game and I looked like a human / beef tomato hybrid. I obviously took loads of photos, including this one of The Vatican from The Tiber. Good, innit? I even learned some Italian before I went, you know. I can now confidently ask Italians which shark belongs to them and alert them to the presence of cows in the sugar. As you do.

I did learn that 'arrivederci' means 'goodbye' and this week it will be arrivederci to one of our dancers as it's the first elimination of this series. The whittling down begins and our dancers will dwindle down to the final. Winter is most definitely coming. So, what went on?

No pro dance this week - they usually save that for 'Sunday'. We had been out for our tea so were watching on timeslip. Looks like Shirley was too. She totally blanked out for a few seconds and completely missed Tess talking to her. There was definitely a glitch in her Matrix as she gawped at Tess like a rabbit in headlights, straightening her pens on her desk. Turns out she'd nearly missed her chair sitting down and narrowly escaped doing a Bruno. She wasn't put off for long though.

Will & Nancy opened the night with a Salsa to Never Too Much by Luther Vandross. After a very promising start last week there was a lot of pressure to repeat the performance. Sadly, it looked like there was too much and this wasn't a patch on Week One. His rotation and isolation were OK but he was a bit too clunky and heavy on his feet. He still had great rhythm and stayed in sync with Nancy in the side-by-side section but a missed step put him off his timing a little. He coped well with tricky lifts and he leads well. He needs work on his posture though - his upper body reminded me of Saturday nights in the clubs circa 1990. Just 26 out of 40 this week.

Next up were James & Amy with a Tango to Bad Habits by Ed Sheeran. Now, some blokes suit eyeliner (see Gio, for example). Poor James looked like he was going out Trick or Treating as an Ozzy Osborne tribute act. I think it's fair to say this wasn't a dance that suited James. There was no passion, power, intent or attack which is vital for a Tango. His hands were good, his footwork was decent and he has great musicality. Unfortunately, he was also plodding, pedestrian & poorly postured. He seemed to be dancing by numbers, far too careful - like the school PE teacher on talent night. Wild over-marking by Anton, but he still only scored 24 out of 40,

Ellie S & Nikita followed with a very sweet Waltz to Can't Help Falling In Love With You by Elvis Presley. OK - who was chopping onions while I watched this? Ellie looked pretty and feminine in a gorgeous lilac frock and performed really well in this routine. Concerns about the height difference were assuaged (Ellie can't feel the usual body contact to be led so learns each step herself) and this was a joy to watch. Ellie had beautiful rise and fall, her arms, frame, posture and finishes were fabulous. The pair flowed across the floor in a sweet routine and Ellie moved in and out of hold well. Her footwork was generally good - she had lovely closed feet - but she needs some work on heel leads. An emotional finish to the dance and there wasn't a dry eye in the house (well, except for Craig, obviously). A fab 30 out of 40 for the pair.

Helen & Gorka were next on the floor with a Cha Cha Cha to Rain On Me by Lada Gaga & Ariana Grande. Helen is struggling to be sexy and sassy, despite Gorka's best efforts. Like last week, she really needs to have more confidence in herself because she has potential. She had lots of good rhythm & musicality, her timing was spot on and her hips, isolation and rotation were decent. She coped well with tricky choreography and changes of pace and direction. Her knees were too soft though and her legs were bent throughout - something Craig savaged her for in his critique, Not a bad score for week two, though - 27 out of 40.

And then it was Tony & Katya's turn with a Charleston to My Old Man's A Dustman by Foster & Allen. This was so Cockernee if you'd have cut the pair they'd have bled pearly buttons. They even went for pie, mash & liquor in the VT. I know it's traditional and all that,  but I'll stick to me babby's yed & chips, ta (steak & kidney pudding to the uninitiated). Was it better than last week? Well, it couldn't have been worse, could it? Tony clearly had a lot of fun with the routine, but it was - probably necessarily - low on Charleston steps and content. He gave the character and good go and seemed to have fun but, again, he was far too stiff and stilted. There was some swivel in his feet but, like last week, he forgot steps, got out of time and sync and struggled transitioning between in and out of hold. He missed the last lift / trick completely leaving Katya to improvise her way out of it. 22 out of 40 scored.

Ellie T & Johannes brought us the first Paso of 2022 to Les Toreadors by Georges Bizet. Some nerks  viewers have complained it was the 'wrong music' for a Paso. It is LITERALLY called The Toreadors and is about bullfighting. Like the Paso. Sheesh. 

Ellie was dressed in the traditional Spanish flamenco costume. Unfortunately, with the headdress bit she looked more like a pink highlighter pen than a sexy senora.

                                                 

After some fan-nying around at the start (see what I did there?) Ellie got into character and took to the floor. She tried hard to bring the necessary attack, fire & passion need for a Paso. Unfortunately, she didn't quite hit the mark. Her arms, shaping and flamenco hands were quite good but she seemed to stroll around like a nana in the middle aisle of Aldi in parts. Her feet were good and she had nice posture but it was all too tame and polite. Craig said the best bit was the end - although he did mean the dramatic flourish at the finish, not that it was over. Just 23 out of 40 awarded by the panel.

Richie & Gio brought the dance of the night for me (not counting the Quasimodo Crew of Ringers) with an utterly joyful Quickstep to Dancin' Fool by Barry Manilow. Resplendent in sequined top hat & tails Richie went for this from the get-go. He fair flew across the floor with fleet feet, style, swagger and sass. Gio's choreography was a brilliant mix - Fosse breaks, swing style, canework and even a bit of Beyonce! The cartwheel was a mess though - more like one of mine. The side-by-side sections were in almost perfect sync though, Richie having the time of his life. His rhythm, musiciality and energy were great throughout and he had bags of stamina to see it through to the end. He needs to work on his lines, core and posture in parts - and needs to close his bloody mouth, too! All in all a really good outing and 32 out of 40 was scored, with a 'fantastic' from Craig.

 

Shut yer trap, Richie lad!

Potential favourite Fleur and Va Va Voom Vito followed with a Viennese Waltz to Glimpse of Us by Joji. This dance took so long to get into Viennese I thought they were dancing a Contempowaltz! Loads of faffin' abaht as Dear Old Len used to say. Once it did get going there were some nice parts. Fleur flowed elegantly across the floor and she has a great connection with Vito. It struck me last night who Vito reminds me of - The Marvelous Mrs Maisel Luke Kirby who plays Lenny Bruce in the show.

                                 

Luke-ing good there Vito!

Anyway, this was a nice routine, gentle and romantic. Fleur had some nice lines and finishes but she made quite a few foor errors and there were no heel leads. The fleckerl was a bit flabby and her frame and posture wobbled. You know when Shirl doesn't take to someone? It's poor Fleur this year. She was mauled by the Head Judge for pretty much everything she'd done which was unfair. It was OK, though. Some mad over marking pulled her score up to 28 out of 40.

Our second Charleston of the night came from Kaye & Kai dancing to Music! Music! Music! by Dorothy Provine. Yes, I know they all dance to music - it's the name of the song. This week on Kai-therine Cookson, Our Hero has been out on t'moors all night looking for a lost sheep. Looks like he found it in Kaye as she struggled again on the dancefloor. She did have some nice swivel in her feet and did some quirky head bobs, there were a couple of pot-stirrers and birdy flaps too but the routine lacked content overall. She really struggles out of hold and dancing on her own, though and seems...well, like a lost ewe. It was ploddy and Kaye was a bit doddery - it was like Kai had taken his nan out for afternoon tea (I'm not much younger than her so I'm allowed to mention age). She had no real musicality or rhythm and got out of time and sync. The judges seemed to like it more than me, but she only scored 22 out of 40.

Hairy Hamster Hamza & Jowita trotted out a Tron themed Jive to Blinding Lights by The Weeknd (why the missing vowel? Did they have to pay per letter on the album cover and couldn't afford it? Got their kid brother to draw the gig poster and he fudged it?). Hamza is a big dude and this dance wasn't really for him. His kick-ball-changes were really good and he did an impressive high kick near the start which could have taken Jowita's head off if it went wrong. Unfortunately, the rest of his kicks and flicks were lacking and his retraction was weak. Again, he showed decent musicality and the parts he danced beside Jowita were neat. His weight was too far the wrong way, though, which hampered the flow and he was called out by the judges for sickle feet and pigeon toes. A much lower score than last week with 24 out of 40.

Kym 'The Glamorous Granny' and Graziano came out with another Viennese Waltz to Runaway by The Corrs. Graz had totally ignored Kym's note that she suffered badly with motion sickness and had chucked in every move he could. There were natural turns, reverse turns, fleckerls and spins - even a twizzer round the floor. Kym did her best to keep up and not throw up. She had some nice heel leads, lines and finishes and (obviously) her musicality is good. But she relies too much on Graziano and seems unsure of herself out of hold. Her frame was wobbly, her footwork faltered and she made a few mistakes. 27 out of 40 from the panel.

Matt & Nadiya brought us a disco style Samba to Night Fever by The Bee Gees. Matt wore the iconic Travolta white suit from the film. The trousers were that tight you could see what he'd had for lunch (I could have said something much ruder here but it's only week two). Now, I'm not sure what wardrobe were thinking about Nadiya's costume either. She looked less Disco Diva and more Drag Queen Darryl Hannah From Splash!

Darryl do, Nads. Darryl do

Poor Matt is trying hard, he really is. But he lacked any charisma or personality in this dance and didn't perform. He was far too stiff, stilted and upright and I honestly wouldn't have known it was a samba if we hadn't been told at the start. He went off beat and put no real energy in what's supposed to be a party dance. The solo disco bits were okay but poor feet and low rotation didn't sell it to me. I could definitely could have done without Anton's hip thrusts in the comments part and Matt could have done with more marks. 22 out of 40 scored.

Some cracking choreography made a crackling Jive to Hit The Road Jack by Buster Poindexter starring Tyler & Dianne come alive. A fun Bonnie & Clyde themed routine showcased Tyler's personality and flair. This was a dance jam-packed with content. Tyler's kicks, flicks and retraction were all on point and he looked like he was having the time of his life. He played the character well and had a massive grin on his face throughout. It was entertaining and enjoyable with some nice side-by-side sections and storytelling. Tyler was called The Real Deal by Ms Ballas and he was given 34 out of 40.

Jayde & Karen were our last-but-one pair with a Tango to Rumour Has It by Adele. Being the larger of the ladies, Jayde led on this number and she managed it pretty well. Karen doesn't shirk on the content and there were some tricky steps to get to grips with. Jayde showed some good characterisation and her feet were fairly good. Her bum stuck out though and she stomped and clomped through some of the sections. There was some attack and intent but she was too stiff and ponderous in places. She made a couple of mistakes but got back on track well. Not bad for week two and she scored 26 out of 40.

Pocket rocket and ringah of the series Molly & Carlos rounded off the night with a Quickstep to Love on Top by Beyonce. Molly is obviously talented - more talented than most of the rest of the cast. But, importantly, she is likeable, cute and personable. She has an infectious giggle and puts the hard work in. The routine had brolly-ography that made it even trickier. They missed the handle hook up at the start (story of my life) but styled it out. The rest of the dance was slick, stylish, polished and precise. Carlos had thrown everything in but the kitchen sync (ha, ha) but it wasn't overcrowded with unnecessary content. Molly flew across the floor with loads of energy - light on her feet, clippy, skippy and trippy (the lesser known reindeer) and the pair put on a proper show. A good way to close the night and a very high 34 out of 40 scored with nines from Shirl & Motsi.

At the end of Week Two Molly topped the table with a combined score of 65, Tony & Katya propped it up with just 37.

And that, as they say, was that for the night. I got the drinks and HOTH put a programme about Jeffrey Dahmer on, as one does. 

While we all watched summat else, in Strictlyland it was already Sunday. Apparently, the poor audience are held captive until nearly 11pm some nights as they film all the bits like the Judges' Corner, pro dance, Clauditorium etc. I used to apply for tickets but then I found that people started queuing from about midnight to make sure they got in for the recording. My bladder is not up to that kind of thing and if I wanted to camp overnight in winter I'd have joined the Special Forces. Although I suspect I wouldn't have lasted long with all that discipline. I was chucked out of Brownies for subversive behaviour.

On actual Sunday the show started with a very colourful pro dance. It was like newspaper - black & white and red all over. I know other analogies for that but most of them are offensive. The starting dancers were wearing elbow length elbow gloves. They'd either been doing the washing up or some back stage gynae procedures. Lots of dramatic moves and poses, canes and chairs. It were proper fancy like, buy a bit too strobey for me.

After a recap of the dances, Tess and her interminable torpidity dragged out the first section of the voting results. Much prolonged bumpety-bum-bum and Gio head bops later our first red-light casualty was announced as: 

KAYE - maybe the Loose Women Lot all thought each other was going to vote for her but nobody did. The calibre is very high this year though and it's clear she struggles with the dances. She was sanguine about it and Craig gave some great advice about giving it some real welly next time round.

Clauditorium Part One and Richie compared himself to a giraffe in stilettos - pretty accurate - and Hamza revealed he has 45 minute ice baths after training and has never watched Jurassic Park as he finds it too scary. This bloke practically snogs polar bears for crying out loud!

This week's Lip Synch While Someone Lollops Around Me Star was  none other than Robbie Williams. He's starting to weirdly look like the love-child of Morrissey & Mark Kermode isn't he?

Well, he sang us She's The One with a backing orchestra (is he flogging a tour or summat?) and dancers Neil and one of the new ladies danced dancingly.

The judges returned for the first Corner of the series and expanded on their comments. Shirley thinks Tyler is One To Watch. They kicked off about Ellie T's Paso and Anton thinks Molly is The One. Craig explained why he didn't like Helen's Chaaaa Chaaaa Chaaaaa. The secret of Tony's dance was revealed as we heard a clip of Katya bellowing the count in! Shame she can't do that through the dance.

Our final round of Rumba Russian Roulette or Voters' Viennese dragged on like a dog with worms. Finally, just before I'd completely lost the will to live our second Dance Off Denizen was announced:

MATT was in the bottom two. Probably not the greatest shock after his first two weeks, but it did mean we were going to be subjected to his cotton-clad nether regions again. His bottom in the bottom, as it were. He put on a brave face and Motsi gave a pep talk about being present.

Clauritorium 2 found Jayde telling us the voting announcements are hell and that Vito will burp in your face given half a chance. I'd forgive him as long as he hadn't had tuna & garlic butties. You know what - he'd probably get away with it.

Kaye definitely came out with more energy but dropped a massive clanger part way in and it went downhill faster than a champion skier as she pretty much totally forgot the whole routine. Poor Kai was shouting instructions to get her back on track, but it didn't work.

Matt started with more intent too but - yep, you guessed it - he forgot the bloody thing again! He styled it out better though and watched Nadiya to try to get back into the swing of it. But he walked around when he should have been dancing, yeah.

And so it was down to the judges to seal the fate of the first to fall. After not much deliberation our unlucky celebrity was...

KAYE. A three-to-one vote in favour of Matt (Shirl being the exception) it was time for Team KaKa to leave us. Shame, that. I was planning a whole series of adventures for Kai Oop North. Now I'm going to have to write him out as....oh, I don't know...going off to sea to find his fortune. Well, I can't really give him an unhappy demise - poor lad's had enough bad luck being lumbered with Kaye!

So, Week Two was done and dusted. Fourteen couples face Movie Week and the audience confusion about just how a certain song related to a film. Are we taking bets on Mary Poppins and Titanic featuring? Well, they're hardly going to dance to music from Deliverance are they? More's the pity. Quite catchy those banjos...

Until next week my little petits fours...

KEEP DANCING.

Oh, Kaye - Comp Boot Her

(that's meant to be like Radiohead's OK Computer but I think I stretched it a bit too far)