This year's Strictly blog is dedicated to my parents, Paul & Pam. Dad - funny, kind & loving, my late night drinking buddy and lifelong hero. Mum - clever, generous, heart of gold, my best supporter and biggest fan. This is for you two - miss the absolute hell out of you. Wish you were both still here.
Dad - 15 February 1947 to 23 December 2021
Mum - 3 April 1950 to 28 February 2022
Love You Always
xxxxx
But the show, as they say, must go on and I know mum would want me to blog my usual bull shizzle. It was the very first thing she read when she got up on a Monday morning - and who am I go disappoint me dear old mum?
You probably know me by now. I've been blethering on about this show for yonks. If this is your first time I'll do a quick recap. It's all my own work, all my own opinion (apart from the bits I shamelessly pilfer from the panel), I earn nowt from it, have no sponsors or get freebies. It's largely a load of old nonsense and it will become apparent that I know the square root of bugger all about dancing. So, if you've read this far you might as well carry on, right?
Things didn't start so well. HOTH (Husband of the House) accidentally put on the 2021 opener and we had a good rant about them still standing miles apart and having screens up. It was only when Adam Peaty was announced as the first celeb that the penny dropped. We hadn't even had a drink!
Take Two and the 2022 season kicked off on Friday with the pairings show, postponed from last week after the Queen's death. They did away with the usual fake 'oh my gosh I had no idea it was you' meet on the show (we all know they've already been rehearsing for weeks) and replaced it with VTs instead. Much better in my opinion. Aljaz and Oti have left, Vito (more of whom later) and Carlos have moved in. Jowita gets a promotion to a celeb and Neil The Gurner Jones is back on the subs bench. No changes on the panel or for Tess & Claudia. This year I know nearly all the celebs, which makes a change and gives Google a break - only Tyler, EastEnders Guy and Molly are new to me.
Saturday's show opened with a very high energy pro dance. All the men in open shirts and the lasses in Vegas showgirl feathers. I'm telling you, with all that chest oil they are never getting that glitter off. They'll still be finding it in their kecks come Easter! With a full, live studio audience for the first time in two years the atmosphere was so much more electric - and the requisite boos for Craig so much louder. Claudia & Tess were lowered in on what looked like a decorated cherry picker, the judges strutted their stuff and we were OFF.
Ex Corrie Dolly, singer, TV presenter Kym Marsh & Graziano (aka Greasy Arnold) opened the show with a Jive to Yes by Merry Clayton. It took a bit to get going - loads of faffing on sofas and standing around a bit with some wiggling. It was also a bit sedate for a jive. Quite low tempo, low content, lots of walking about and stop / start. Kym made a good effort, though, and while she was a bit flat footed and not quite over her knees enough her kicks and flicks were pretty decent and her rhythm and musicality were good. Not a bad start and she scored 23 out of 40.
DJ, presenter Tyler West & Dianne were next with an American Smooth to Falling by Harry Styles. I'm old. I've never heard the song. Mind you, it doesn't get played much on Absolute Radio (thank the gods). Anyway - this did not distract from the routine and Tyler made a decent stab at one of the trickier dances to learn. There was lots of content and changes of pace which he managed, but overall his feet and frame let him down. He coped with the lifts fairly well, although he did dump Di down like a sack of spuds after The Angel Lift (think Baby from Dirty Dancing while spinning round). It was - at it says on the tin - smooth across the floor but Tyler needs to work more on transitions in and out of hold. The makings of a good partnership, they scored 22 out of 40.
This year's first same-sex pairing followed with comedian, actress, presenter Jayde Adams & Karen bringing a saucy Samba to Dirrty by Christina Aguilera ft Redman. We've seen Jayde's bloke at a comedy night near us once. Best thing of the night, he was. Sadly, the same can't be said of Jayde. No. That's not fair. She wasn't terrible by any means and there's plenty of promise. She came out with BAGS of attitude & swagger and really went for it. She had a very good frame and arm lines with loads of hip action and rotation, but she was flat footed in parts and lacked bounce & shimmy. She made a mistake early on but recovered well and she clearly loved dancing with Karen. Her voltas were sloppy and picked up on by Craig & Co so there's room for improvement. She nearly did a swear in the Clauditorium saying she was 'So f...proud of herself'. A decent 23 out of 40 from the panel.
TV presenter Kaye Adams & Kai brought us a Tango to Voulez Vouz by ABBA. Now, some ladies on another forum I'm on think Kai is straight outta a Catherine Cookson TV adaptation and would be at home down t'pit, up t'chimbly, at t'mill getting into scrapes with 'Im Up At T'Big 'Ouse (I'm northern, I can type that) while his sister gets In Trouble with the landowner's son. I'm inclined to agree - we could make it a musical - Tilly Trotter Tangos In Tameside. Yes, yes. I am avoiding talking about the routine. You got me. Poor Kaye was a very visible bag of nerves from the outset and looked like she wanted to throw up. Her frame and posture were poor, her hands in the wrong positions and she was stiff and stilted in parts, even for a tango. Her promenade steps were okay but she made a few mistakes that clearly rattled her further. Her 'trying to be sexy' move sadly looked like she was coming out of the ladies' loos when the hand dryer was on the blink and was wiping her hands on her frock. Still, she showed guts and promise and was awarded 21 out of 40 from the panel.
Actor & definitely not Dane Bowers like what HOTH & I thought at first glance on the launch show James Bye & Amy delivered a Jive to What I Like About You by The Romantics.
Bye by Bowers
This was a faster paced jive than Kym's with more energy and content. Unfortunately, James went wrong very early on, seemed to forget the moves and at one point looked like he'd just stopped dead while Amy lolloped around him till he caught up. He was out of sync a lot and his timing was off. He kept looking at the floor, he wasn't over his feet and his kicks, flicks and retractions were sloppy. He did have plenty of stamina and didn't give up though, which is good. I'm sure he'll be better next week. He still managed 23 out of 40.
At this point everyone was wondering where the real Craig was and what the imposter had done with the body. There were hardly any acidic comments - not of the usual standard anyway, he gave constructive criticism, he SMILED and sometimes gave higher marks than his fellow judges. It was all rather disconcerting and I'm not sure I like it! 🤣
Radio & TV presenter, professional Brummie Richie Anderson & Giovanni kicked off their campaign with a Cha Cha Cha to I'm Your Man by Wham! Just as Gio learned to sign with Rose, so is he learning Brum with Richie. A fairly convincing 'Yam oroight bab' - but I don't see a role for him in Peaky Blinders just yet. Richie is...enthusiastic. In a routine that was camper than a week in Butlins he was cheeky, flirty and fun. He got the crowd going, showing good core and upper body action and plenty of energy. His timing was a bit off - definitely dancing to the beat of someone else's drum at times - and he was a bit too stiff & spiky for Craig. Maybe he needs to join Gio's class of two-year-olds for more 'pasta, pesto, cha cha cha' lessons. His enthusiasm will see him in for a few more weeks yet and he scored (another) 23 out of 40,
TV presenter Helen Skelton & Gorka 'The Corker' gave us the second American Smooth of the night to You Send Me by Aretha Franklin. Helen used to be a Blue Peter presenter so is well used to short timeframe challenges. At least this time she wasn't being shoved out of a helicopter. In fact, she did rather well. She was light on her feet with an airy glide across the floor. She was graceful with the lifts, coming in and out of hold smoothly and her transitions were decent. The sweet, romantic music and style suited her and her frame, posture and musicality were impressive. She really needs to believe in herself more because she could go a long way in the competition. 26 out of 40 from the judges.
Actress, singer, ringadingdinger Molly Rainford & new too Carlos sizzled with a Samba to Kiss My (Uh Oh) by Anne-Marie & Little Mix. An Italia Conti alumnus, Molly's background and training were obvious. From the start she showed great rhythm, musicality, timing and understanding of the dance. Bags of bounce, swagger and attitude, great footwork and transitions, fab spins and spotting, lovely voltas and samba rolls. She had tons of stamina too - well, of course, she's what, 9? It wasn't totally perfect - but flipping well near enough. She got 8s from most of the panel and ended up with 31 out of 40. In week flipping ONE. Where do we go from here?
We go to singer, songwriter, ex Bros Bro Matt Goss & Nadiya, of course, doing a Quickstep to Sir Duke by The Chris Walden Big Band. Yeah, I thought it was Stevie Wonder too (Sir Duke was one of the Pointless answers we didn't get. I'm not bitter - we got the trophy. But if I ever find the two people who guessed Signed, Sealed, Delivered...). Look, I'm sure he's a lovely bloke, but Matt looks like he's currently sponsored by Just For Men and his hair looks weird. Like...suede sprayed on Action Man hair.
For the eagle-eyed viewer...
Matt seems like a very shy & reserved bloke so maybe this was a long way out of his comfort zone? He really struggled with this dance in parts. His footwork was fleet and clippy and there was a nice Hollywood feel to the routine with some style & pizzazz. Unfortunately, his hold was shoddy and wavering, his upper body too loose (Tony Beak likening him to an unmade bed) and there was something...off in the partnership. His timing and musicality were decent but he looked down too much and seemed ill at ease. He was fair savaged by the judges - except Craig who was still being nice - with much comment on his hold, leaving Matt probably thinking 'When Will I Be Frame-ous' (sorry, not sorry). Just 20 out of 40 for this pair.
Paralympian Ellis Simmonds & Nikita showed us their Cha Cha Cha to Dance by DNCE. You can tell Ellie has put the work in and her training ethic showed through in the routine. She was sassy, sparkly and had loads of fun in a dance with lots of technical content. She was bright, bubbly, engaging & entertaining. Nikita hasn't held back on the difficulty for Ellie - but there does look to be issues with the height difference in hold. I'm sure that will be overcome though as Ellie has bags of potential, tons of energy, rhythm, timing and flair. Her hip action and isolation were great, the side by side section was impressive AND she got to do a massive twizzer on the floor. A decent first week and she got 26 out of 40.
Former fubbler (footballer) & pundit Tony Adams & Katya were up next with a Tango to Go West by The Village People. That's all I will say. Oh, alright. Since you asked so nicely. I was racking my brains who Tony reminded me of. Then it clicked. The character The Caretaker from CBBC TV show Trapped!
You can't unsee it, can you?
The moment Tony flew in on a giant golden canon you had an idea this wasn't going to be the best dance of the night. It was a trick old Tony Beak used when he was a pro to a) take up half the routine and b) detract from the spectacularly bad dance coming up. It didn't work then, it didn't work last night. Oh. My. Gods. Poor Tony was so out of his depth he made Ann Widdecombe look like a contender. He was stiff, stilted, more wooden that the wardrobe section of IKEA. His bum stuck out, his eyes were on the ceiling and he was counting out loud. With all the rhythm of a dead hippo, the poor bloke lurched around the floor while Katya was trying desperately to drag him back on track. The camera swiftly moved past the sight of Shirl giggling helplessly behind her hand. Half the time he looked like your drunk uncle at a wedding going wrong more than he went right. He had attack and aggression, but so does a honeybadger. The ending was a total load of balls....footballs, that is, kicked on stage to remind us what his day job used to be, maybe? A bottom-dwelling 15 out of 40.
Actor, cheeky chappie Will Mellor & Nancy performed a Jive to Livin' La Vida Loca by Ricky Martin. I know Will had trod the boards before but this was probably the surprise of the night for me. His solo start was strong, controlled and - dare I say it - sexy (not a word I ever thought I'd use in the same sentence as 'Will Mellor'). His hip rotation and isolation were excellent, his kicks and flicks sharp, his retraction neat if a little loose. He had tons of character and swagger, attitude and powerful attack. His positioning and frame were good and his transitions in and out of hold were smooth. You could tell he'd put the hours in but NINES from Motsi & Shirley - both carrying on far too much with the gushing (stop it!). Seriously, way too early for the near-perfect score, especially as it wasn't near perfect! Go and lie down with some Sanatogen ladies! 34 out of 40 for the pair.
Comedian, actress, writer Ellie Taylor & Johannes were elegant in a Quickstep to I Am What I Am by Klaus Hallen Tanzorchester - yeah, me neither. Starting with a Marvellous Mrs Maisel vibe (if you've not seen it, check it out - it's brilliant) the pair had a great connection as they flowed across the floor. It was a bright, clippy, trippy number and JoJo hadn't held back on the content. Ellie had a nice frame and posture, her top line was lovely and she stayed on the correct side of Johannes through all the changes of direction and pace. There were a couple of stumbles and she missed the heel leads but this was a good base to start from - 'everything from the ankles up is terrific' according to Anton. A score of 28 out of 40 stunned Ellie!
Nice nature dude, cameraman, TV presenter Hamza (not yet decided whether to call him Hamza The Hair or Hamza The Hamster) Yassin & Jowita were our penultimate couple doing a Foxtrot to Islands In The Stream by Kenny Rogers & Dolly Parton. Foxtrot is a difficult dance - HOTH and I should know, we once had a lesson on holiday and had to go and have a lie down afterwards. Hamza made it look effortless. He was very light on his feet for a larger chap and had a great frame, gliding across the floor. He moved beautifully with grace and style and he led Jowita well - the partnership caring and tender, almost like a first dance at a wedding. A cracking start and a table-top sharing 34 out of 40.
Singer-songwriter, presenter Fleur East & newbie Vito closed the show with a Cha Cha Cha to Let's Get Loud by J-Lo. I like Vito a lot. But looking very hot while dancing then coming across like a spaniel puppy in interviews is confusing. I don't know whether to give him a snog or throw him a Bonio (should we ever find ourselves in an alternate universe where I don't look like a pile of mashed spuds with glasses on). Fleur came out like a pink tornado, whirling and flying across the floor. She was fierce and fearless, showing plenty of style, focus and attack. Maybe too much attack as, at times, it got a bit frenzied and frenetic. She was called out on her less-than-straight legs and over-performance. Her arms got pretty flingy with few properly finished lines and there was no real light and shade to her moves. She kind of reminded me of Rhys last year - let's hope she can take notes though. She might be better in ballroom. We shall see. A surprisingly low 25 out of 40 for Fleur, who's an early favourite to lift the title.
And that was that. All couples had showed us what they were made of - some better than others, of course but, as I keep saying, it's only week ONE for biscuit's sake. No eliminations this week and all the scores are rolled over till next time so the table could look completely different next 'Sunday'. Until then,my pretties....
KEEP DANCING!!!!!
