Every Time We Say Goodbye

Hello, hello, hello Dance Fans. It's our second week of the series.October already and the nights are fair drawing in. It'll soon be. No. I can't say it. I won't say it. It's too early! Let's get autumn out of the way first before we start chattering on about That Time. If you fancy reading some autumn themed scribblings by me, there's a very short story I've written on my blog page called 'Another Year'. Just click the '2022' link on the right hand side. and it's in there.

This week saw Motsi mix up the Italian Stallions Greasy Arnold and Joe Varney. I mean, how? Well, come to think of it, it's pretty easy really. I call the cats' names interchangeably, and don't get me started on Alexa (we call the kitchen one a different name so we don't mix them up. Except we do. All the time). 

Anyway - there is a point to this - it reminded me of my recent trip to Rome with my auntie. It was fabulous and I highly recommend it. Even if it was 32 degrees, drivers see pedestrians as fair game and I looked like a human / beef tomato hybrid. I obviously took loads of photos, including this one of The Vatican from The Tiber. Good, innit? I even learned some Italian before I went, you know. I can now confidently ask Italians which shark belongs to them and alert them to the presence of cows in the sugar. As you do.

I did learn that 'arrivederci' means 'goodbye' and this week it will be arrivederci to one of our dancers as it's the first elimination of this series. The whittling down begins and our dancers will dwindle down to the final. Winter is most definitely coming. So, what went on?

No pro dance this week - they usually save that for 'Sunday'. We had been out for our tea so were watching on timeslip. Looks like Shirley was too. She totally blanked out for a few seconds and completely missed Tess talking to her. There was definitely a glitch in her Matrix as she gawped at Tess like a rabbit in headlights, straightening her pens on her desk. Turns out she'd nearly missed her chair sitting down and narrowly escaped doing a Bruno. She wasn't put off for long though.

Will & Nancy opened the night with a Salsa to Never Too Much by Luther Vandross. After a very promising start last week there was a lot of pressure to repeat the performance. Sadly, it looked like there was too much and this wasn't a patch on Week One. His rotation and isolation were OK but he was a bit too clunky and heavy on his feet. He still had great rhythm and stayed in sync with Nancy in the side-by-side section but a missed step put him off his timing a little. He coped well with tricky lifts and he leads well. He needs work on his posture though - his upper body reminded me of Saturday nights in the clubs circa 1990. Just 26 out of 40 this week.

Next up were James & Amy with a Tango to Bad Habits by Ed Sheeran. Now, some blokes suit eyeliner (see Gio, for example). Poor James looked like he was going out Trick or Treating as an Ozzy Osborne tribute act. I think it's fair to say this wasn't a dance that suited James. There was no passion, power, intent or attack which is vital for a Tango. His hands were good, his footwork was decent and he has great musicality. Unfortunately, he was also plodding, pedestrian & poorly postured. He seemed to be dancing by numbers, far too careful - like the school PE teacher on talent night. Wild over-marking by Anton, but he still only scored 24 out of 40,

Ellie S & Nikita followed with a very sweet Waltz to Can't Help Falling In Love With You by Elvis Presley. OK - who was chopping onions while I watched this? Ellie looked pretty and feminine in a gorgeous lilac frock and performed really well in this routine. Concerns about the height difference were assuaged (Ellie can't feel the usual body contact to be led so learns each step herself) and this was a joy to watch. Ellie had beautiful rise and fall, her arms, frame, posture and finishes were fabulous. The pair flowed across the floor in a sweet routine and Ellie moved in and out of hold well. Her footwork was generally good - she had lovely closed feet - but she needs some work on heel leads. An emotional finish to the dance and there wasn't a dry eye in the house (well, except for Craig, obviously). A fab 30 out of 40 for the pair.

Helen & Gorka were next on the floor with a Cha Cha Cha to Rain On Me by Lada Gaga & Ariana Grande. Helen is struggling to be sexy and sassy, despite Gorka's best efforts. Like last week, she really needs to have more confidence in herself because she has potential. She had lots of good rhythm & musicality, her timing was spot on and her hips, isolation and rotation were decent. She coped well with tricky choreography and changes of pace and direction. Her knees were too soft though and her legs were bent throughout - something Craig savaged her for in his critique, Not a bad score for week two, though - 27 out of 40.

And then it was Tony & Katya's turn with a Charleston to My Old Man's A Dustman by Foster & Allen. This was so Cockernee if you'd have cut the pair they'd have bled pearly buttons. They even went for pie, mash & liquor in the VT. I know it's traditional and all that,  but I'll stick to me babby's yed & chips, ta (steak & kidney pudding to the uninitiated). Was it better than last week? Well, it couldn't have been worse, could it? Tony clearly had a lot of fun with the routine, but it was - probably necessarily - low on Charleston steps and content. He gave the character and good go and seemed to have fun but, again, he was far too stiff and stilted. There was some swivel in his feet but, like last week, he forgot steps, got out of time and sync and struggled transitioning between in and out of hold. He missed the last lift / trick completely leaving Katya to improvise her way out of it. 22 out of 40 scored.

Ellie T & Johannes brought us the first Paso of 2022 to Les Toreadors by Georges Bizet. Some nerks  viewers have complained it was the 'wrong music' for a Paso. It is LITERALLY called The Toreadors and is about bullfighting. Like the Paso. Sheesh. 

Ellie was dressed in the traditional Spanish flamenco costume. Unfortunately, with the headdress bit she looked more like a pink highlighter pen than a sexy senora.

                                                 

After some fan-nying around at the start (see what I did there?) Ellie got into character and took to the floor. She tried hard to bring the necessary attack, fire & passion need for a Paso. Unfortunately, she didn't quite hit the mark. Her arms, shaping and flamenco hands were quite good but she seemed to stroll around like a nana in the middle aisle of Aldi in parts. Her feet were good and she had nice posture but it was all too tame and polite. Craig said the best bit was the end - although he did mean the dramatic flourish at the finish, not that it was over. Just 23 out of 40 awarded by the panel.

Richie & Gio brought the dance of the night for me (not counting the Quasimodo Crew of Ringers) with an utterly joyful Quickstep to Dancin' Fool by Barry Manilow. Resplendent in sequined top hat & tails Richie went for this from the get-go. He fair flew across the floor with fleet feet, style, swagger and sass. Gio's choreography was a brilliant mix - Fosse breaks, swing style, canework and even a bit of Beyonce! The cartwheel was a mess though - more like one of mine. The side-by-side sections were in almost perfect sync though, Richie having the time of his life. His rhythm, musiciality and energy were great throughout and he had bags of stamina to see it through to the end. He needs to work on his lines, core and posture in parts - and needs to close his bloody mouth, too! All in all a really good outing and 32 out of 40 was scored, with a 'fantastic' from Craig.

 

Shut yer trap, Richie lad!

Potential favourite Fleur and Va Va Voom Vito followed with a Viennese Waltz to Glimpse of Us by Joji. This dance took so long to get into Viennese I thought they were dancing a Contempowaltz! Loads of faffin' abaht as Dear Old Len used to say. Once it did get going there were some nice parts. Fleur flowed elegantly across the floor and she has a great connection with Vito. It struck me last night who Vito reminds me of - The Marvelous Mrs Maisel Luke Kirby who plays Lenny Bruce in the show.

                                 

Luke-ing good there Vito!

Anyway, this was a nice routine, gentle and romantic. Fleur had some nice lines and finishes but she made quite a few foor errors and there were no heel leads. The fleckerl was a bit flabby and her frame and posture wobbled. You know when Shirl doesn't take to someone? It's poor Fleur this year. She was mauled by the Head Judge for pretty much everything she'd done which was unfair. It was OK, though. Some mad over marking pulled her score up to 28 out of 40.

Our second Charleston of the night came from Kaye & Kai dancing to Music! Music! Music! by Dorothy Provine. Yes, I know they all dance to music - it's the name of the song. This week on Kai-therine Cookson, Our Hero has been out on t'moors all night looking for a lost sheep. Looks like he found it in Kaye as she struggled again on the dancefloor. She did have some nice swivel in her feet and did some quirky head bobs, there were a couple of pot-stirrers and birdy flaps too but the routine lacked content overall. She really struggles out of hold and dancing on her own, though and seems...well, like a lost ewe. It was ploddy and Kaye was a bit doddery - it was like Kai had taken his nan out for afternoon tea (I'm not much younger than her so I'm allowed to mention age). She had no real musicality or rhythm and got out of time and sync. The judges seemed to like it more than me, but she only scored 22 out of 40.

Hairy Hamster Hamza & Jowita trotted out a Tron themed Jive to Blinding Lights by The Weeknd (why the missing vowel? Did they have to pay per letter on the album cover and couldn't afford it? Got their kid brother to draw the gig poster and he fudged it?). Hamza is a big dude and this dance wasn't really for him. His kick-ball-changes were really good and he did an impressive high kick near the start which could have taken Jowita's head off if it went wrong. Unfortunately, the rest of his kicks and flicks were lacking and his retraction was weak. Again, he showed decent musicality and the parts he danced beside Jowita were neat. His weight was too far the wrong way, though, which hampered the flow and he was called out by the judges for sickle feet and pigeon toes. A much lower score than last week with 24 out of 40.

Kym 'The Glamorous Granny' and Graziano came out with another Viennese Waltz to Runaway by The Corrs. Graz had totally ignored Kym's note that she suffered badly with motion sickness and had chucked in every move he could. There were natural turns, reverse turns, fleckerls and spins - even a twizzer round the floor. Kym did her best to keep up and not throw up. She had some nice heel leads, lines and finishes and (obviously) her musicality is good. But she relies too much on Graziano and seems unsure of herself out of hold. Her frame was wobbly, her footwork faltered and she made a few mistakes. 27 out of 40 from the panel.

Matt & Nadiya brought us a disco style Samba to Night Fever by The Bee Gees. Matt wore the iconic Travolta white suit from the film. The trousers were that tight you could see what he'd had for lunch (I could have said something much ruder here but it's only week two). Now, I'm not sure what wardrobe were thinking about Nadiya's costume either. She looked less Disco Diva and more Drag Queen Darryl Hannah From Splash!

Darryl do, Nads. Darryl do

Poor Matt is trying hard, he really is. But he lacked any charisma or personality in this dance and didn't perform. He was far too stiff, stilted and upright and I honestly wouldn't have known it was a samba if we hadn't been told at the start. He went off beat and put no real energy in what's supposed to be a party dance. The solo disco bits were okay but poor feet and low rotation didn't sell it to me. I could definitely could have done without Anton's hip thrusts in the comments part and Matt could have done with more marks. 22 out of 40 scored.

Some cracking choreography made a crackling Jive to Hit The Road Jack by Buster Poindexter starring Tyler & Dianne come alive. A fun Bonnie & Clyde themed routine showcased Tyler's personality and flair. This was a dance jam-packed with content. Tyler's kicks, flicks and retraction were all on point and he looked like he was having the time of his life. He played the character well and had a massive grin on his face throughout. It was entertaining and enjoyable with some nice side-by-side sections and storytelling. Tyler was called The Real Deal by Ms Ballas and he was given 34 out of 40.

Jayde & Karen were our last-but-one pair with a Tango to Rumour Has It by Adele. Being the larger of the ladies, Jayde led on this number and she managed it pretty well. Karen doesn't shirk on the content and there were some tricky steps to get to grips with. Jayde showed some good characterisation and her feet were fairly good. Her bum stuck out though and she stomped and clomped through some of the sections. There was some attack and intent but she was too stiff and ponderous in places. She made a couple of mistakes but got back on track well. Not bad for week two and she scored 26 out of 40.

Pocket rocket and ringah of the series Molly & Carlos rounded off the night with a Quickstep to Love on Top by Beyonce. Molly is obviously talented - more talented than most of the rest of the cast. But, importantly, she is likeable, cute and personable. She has an infectious giggle and puts the hard work in. The routine had brolly-ography that made it even trickier. They missed the handle hook up at the start (story of my life) but styled it out. The rest of the dance was slick, stylish, polished and precise. Carlos had thrown everything in but the kitchen sync (ha, ha) but it wasn't overcrowded with unnecessary content. Molly flew across the floor with loads of energy - light on her feet, clippy, skippy and trippy (the lesser known reindeer) and the pair put on a proper show. A good way to close the night and a very high 34 out of 40 scored with nines from Shirl & Motsi.

At the end of Week Two Molly topped the table with a combined score of 65, Tony & Katya propped it up with just 37.

And that, as they say, was that for the night. I got the drinks and HOTH put a programme about Jeffrey Dahmer on, as one does. 

While we all watched summat else, in Strictlyland it was already Sunday. Apparently, the poor audience are held captive until nearly 11pm some nights as they film all the bits like the Judges' Corner, pro dance, Clauditorium etc. I used to apply for tickets but then I found that people started queuing from about midnight to make sure they got in for the recording. My bladder is not up to that kind of thing and if I wanted to camp overnight in winter I'd have joined the Special Forces. Although I suspect I wouldn't have lasted long with all that discipline. I was chucked out of Brownies for subversive behaviour.

On actual Sunday the show started with a very colourful pro dance. It was like newspaper - black & white and red all over. I know other analogies for that but most of them are offensive. The starting dancers were wearing elbow length elbow gloves. They'd either been doing the washing up or some back stage gynae procedures. Lots of dramatic moves and poses, canes and chairs. It were proper fancy like, buy a bit too strobey for me.

After a recap of the dances, Tess and her interminable torpidity dragged out the first section of the voting results. Much prolonged bumpety-bum-bum and Gio head bops later our first red-light casualty was announced as: 

KAYE - maybe the Loose Women Lot all thought each other was going to vote for her but nobody did. The calibre is very high this year though and it's clear she struggles with the dances. She was sanguine about it and Craig gave some great advice about giving it some real welly next time round.

Clauditorium Part One and Richie compared himself to a giraffe in stilettos - pretty accurate - and Hamza revealed he has 45 minute ice baths after training and has never watched Jurassic Park as he finds it too scary. This bloke practically snogs polar bears for crying out loud!

This week's Lip Synch While Someone Lollops Around Me Star was  none other than Robbie Williams. He's starting to weirdly look like the love-child of Morrissey & Mark Kermode isn't he?

Well, he sang us She's The One with a backing orchestra (is he flogging a tour or summat?) and dancers Neil and one of the new ladies danced dancingly.

The judges returned for the first Corner of the series and expanded on their comments. Shirley thinks Tyler is One To Watch. They kicked off about Ellie T's Paso and Anton thinks Molly is The One. Craig explained why he didn't like Helen's Chaaaa Chaaaa Chaaaaa. The secret of Tony's dance was revealed as we heard a clip of Katya bellowing the count in! Shame she can't do that through the dance.

Our final round of Rumba Russian Roulette or Voters' Viennese dragged on like a dog with worms. Finally, just before I'd completely lost the will to live our second Dance Off Denizen was announced:

MATT was in the bottom two. Probably not the greatest shock after his first two weeks, but it did mean we were going to be subjected to his cotton-clad nether regions again. His bottom in the bottom, as it were. He put on a brave face and Motsi gave a pep talk about being present.

Clauritorium 2 found Jayde telling us the voting announcements are hell and that Vito will burp in your face given half a chance. I'd forgive him as long as he hadn't had tuna & garlic butties. You know what - he'd probably get away with it.

Kaye definitely came out with more energy but dropped a massive clanger part way in and it went downhill faster than a champion skier as she pretty much totally forgot the whole routine. Poor Kai was shouting instructions to get her back on track, but it didn't work.

Matt started with more intent too but - yep, you guessed it - he forgot the bloody thing again! He styled it out better though and watched Nadiya to try to get back into the swing of it. But he walked around when he should have been dancing, yeah.

And so it was down to the judges to seal the fate of the first to fall. After not much deliberation our unlucky celebrity was...

KAYE. A three-to-one vote in favour of Matt (Shirl being the exception) it was time for Team KaKa to leave us. Shame, that. I was planning a whole series of adventures for Kai Oop North. Now I'm going to have to write him out as....oh, I don't know...going off to sea to find his fortune. Well, I can't really give him an unhappy demise - poor lad's had enough bad luck being lumbered with Kaye!

So, Week Two was done and dusted. Fourteen couples face Movie Week and the audience confusion about just how a certain song related to a film. Are we taking bets on Mary Poppins and Titanic featuring? Well, they're hardly going to dance to music from Deliverance are they? More's the pity. Quite catchy those banjos...

Until next week my little petits fours...

KEEP DANCING.

Oh, Kaye - Comp Boot Her

(that's meant to be like Radiohead's OK Computer but I think I stretched it a bit too far)