BLACKPOOL BABY! Yes, we're back at the home of ballroom after a three year absence. And we do like to be beside the seaside, don't we? This is the point the celebs want to get to almost as much as the final. Everything is bigger, everything is better, everything is brighter, bolder, brasher. And the floor is springy! Who would have thought that some little seaside town in the north-west of England, cheap and cheerful, brassy & breezy would be the Mecca of ballroom dancing? They still hold championship competitions here. You can book an afternoon tea dance. Carlos has danced here TWELVE times. The All England Open will be here next February, for flip's sake!
Pretty much every kid in the north west will have had a day out in Blackpool at some time growing up, been brought to drive at the speed of a geriatric sloth through The Illuminations, cheat death on The Grand National wooden roller-coaster (yes, you read that right. WOODEN). It has side-by-side tracks where two cars 'race' one another around a 19 metre - 62 feet plus in old money - rickety contraption above concrete. We took my mum on it once & they take your photo part-way round. Mum was so scared on ours it looked like her hair was trying to get off! Apparently, it is the ride requiring the most maintenance in the whole of The Pleasure Beach. It needs work every single day. If that's not either a) possessed or b) a candidate for the next Final Destination film I don't know what is.
Thankfully, the Tower Ballroom is far less life-endangering and much more genteel. Refined, even. The architecture and decor are visually stunning - a hark back to more rose-tinted days when Brenda and her 10,000 sequin dress and Brian in his tails with Brylcreemed hair wove, wafted and Waltzed to the sound of the Mighty Wurlitzer.
Not for our intrepid eight remaining couples, though. Blackpool welcomes Dave Arch And His Wunnerful Orchestra, Tommy and Team providing the vocals and an array of backing dancers to fill the, frankly mahoosive, dancefloor behind our plucky pairs. And how did they fare? 'Utch up on the couch a bit and let me tell you.
Of course there was a Pro Dance to start. Would we have expected any less? Starting off outside, with the pros in plastic flasher macs for some reason, they quickly got us in the mood for a night of ballroom and boogie. Cut to inside (The Tower doesn't have bell-hop doormen, by the way. More the six feet cubed gentlemen who loom menacingly even when they're ordering a Mr Whippy) and the crowd were already in a whooping-mad frenzy. The judges joined in, all in their glad rags with Shirley in a gold frock that really reminded me of something...
Just me? Well, wouldn't be the first time. Once all the pros and judges were prancing and gyrating, the celebs took to the floor as a sea of pink and Blackpool had well & truly begun.
Hamza & Jowita opened the night with an American Smooth to New York, New York by Frank Sinatra. Now, readers of a certain age will remember that no Work's Do was complete until the DJ had played this tune. The Rule was you all stood in a circle, arms entwined, kicking your legs in time to the music like you were in a chorus line. One momentous year, as my then boyfriend's Plus One, I was a little bit enthusiastic with my kicks and my four-inch stiletto-heeled shoe flew off and hit his boss in the face. I don't think I was invited to another one. Can't think why. ANYWAY - no such fate befell Hamza who danced like he was born to it. He flowed across the floor with ease, sweeping gracefully through the routine on feet as light as a feather, musicality turned up to eleven. With a lovely frame and posture he led Jowita confidently, not fazed or overshadowed by the backing dancers. There was a nice jazz break section that was Straight Outta Hollywood, reminiscent of Fred Astaire & Ginger Rogers. The judges were impressed, too, and a mighty 38 out of 40 was scored.
Up next were Molly & Carlos with a Jive to Bandstand Boogie by Barry Manilow. Bazza has has so much work done these days he looks like the character Odo from Star Trek: Deep Space Nine:
Live From Lancashire: Barry Manilodo
Is is me, or was there not a lot of actual Jive in this? I mean, it was nice to look at - it was fun and all that - but, for me at least, there wasn't a lot of what I was expecting. There seemed to be a lot of other steps going on, and the judges remarked on the difficult choreography, but this was no Jay & Aliona. Molly's kicks and flicks (when they did eventually happen) were fine, but her retraction was quite weak and she looked stompy and heavy footed in places. Carlos totally outdanced her, seeming to forget he wasn't in a Championship. As a result, I think anyway, Molly was a bit put off and her timing went. She still scored 35 out of 40 though.
Kym & Graziano, in his first ever Blackpool with a partner, brought a passable Paso Doble to Only Girl / We Found Love by Calvin Harris ft Rihanna. Bit of an odd choice for a Paso but who am I to judge? Actually, that's exactly what I'm doing, aren't I? I've even got meself a special notebook for it:
Tyler & Dianne shook things up with a Salsa to KC & The Sunshine Band Megamix. This was much more Tyler's groove than last week's poorly-performed Paso. More relaxed (probably terrified Dianne would make him go on a roller coaster again), Tyler was determined to bring the party. Kitted out Seventies style in afro wig and white pants and waistcoat he bopped, boogied and bounced around the floor. This was a very disco-based Salsa and while it had some of the basic steps there really wasn't enough for you to have picked it out of a line-up of Salsas v Saturday Night Fevers. There were some incredible, very tricky lifts that were impressive - but they kind of spoiled the flow and the transitions in and out were clunky. Tyler had tons of personality, rhythm and musicality, especially in his solo spots, but things got a bit sticky in hold. There was lots of bounce and shimmy, but his hips lacked rotation and isolation. Better than last week, though, and the pair earned 35 out of 40.
Ellie & Johannes followed with an American Smooth to You're My World by Cilla Black. My favourite misheard lyric ever was a friend's mum who thought Meatloaf's Bat Out Of Hell went 'I'm going to hit the highway like a battering ram, with a Cilla Black fan on a bike'. Of course, that's all I sing now. This was a much more elegant number than that. It was like a wedding dance, but in a good way. Smooth, flowing, lyrical, Ellie swept around the floor gracefully. There were some nice changes of pace and direction and her footwork was really neat, especially in the heel turns and fleckerl. Her frame and top line were off kilter, though, and the lifts weren't smooth. Apparently, Ellie had picked up an injury in training which meant one lift had to be changed last minute and may have explained why she seemed a bit tentative. For some reason she was apologising profusely to JoJo at the end. A decent enough 31 out of 40 was scored.
Helen & Gorka showcased a Quickstep to Valerie by Mark Ronson ft Amy Winehouse. Oh my giddy kipper! Hello, Helen, where have you been hiding? This was an absolute corker of a routine. This dance got everyone going. Fun, flirty, flighty, fleet and all sorts of other words beginning with an F. Totally caught up in the mood, Helen raced across the floor like she'd been doing it for years. She was enjoying herself immensely and it showed. A massive grin on her face from start to finish she was in step and in sync with Gorka every second. Her feet were really good, her frame was fab and her solo spots were controlled. I don't think the pair left an inch of the dancefloor uncovered, Helen interacting with the backing dancers like she did it every day. The crowd loved it too and were on their feet at the end for a standing ovation. An 'exceptional' from Craig and a 'best Quickstep ever' from Motsi meant a whopping 39 out of 40 on the scoreboard. Helen was so excited she announced she needed a wee to several million viewers. You gotta love the girl.
Fleur & Vito kept the mood up with a cracking Couple's Choice to a Destiny's Child Megamix. THIS was what we've been waiting for from Fleur. Not bound by the strict rules and regulations of the Classics she was absolutely in her element. Somehow a mix of Beyonce and Janet Jackson, 100% diva attitude from the first note, Fleur ruled the floor and commanded the eye. She was fierce, powerful, sharp, sleek and polished. Every beat was hit, every mark made. Totally in sync with Vito - and the other dancers - she not only owned this dance, she bought it, sold it, bought it back again and sold it for twice the price. Motsi & Shirl were grooving along in the judges' area and even Craig was bopping his head, declaring the routine FAB-U-LOUS and dusting off his 10 paddle. A tremendous first full house 40 out of 40. If she's in the dance off tomorrow I'll eat my couch.
Will & Nancy rounded off the night with a Samba to I Go To Rio by Hugh Jackman. I really like Will but last night's outfit and attitude made him look like one of those holiday camp entertainers who does a side hustle of stripping at hen dos. Or like Steve Coogan character Tony Ferrino:
I do Will a disservice. He was actually pretty good, giving it proper welly (he had to follow Fleur remember) in a routine that was so cheesy I feared for lactose intolerant members of the audience. It was fun, joyful, slick and packed with content. There were voltas, lock steps, shimmies, bounce, samba rolls and a jolly good end to the show. Will's hips were, well, hypnotic as he oozed around the floor with excellent isolation and proper rotation. He was obviously having a whale of a time, but still stayed in time and sync with Nancy. At the end he hugged the backing dancers for all their hard work. With a catty comment from Craig about Will having to teach Tyler how to move his hips (bit uncalled for) the couple earned 35 out of 40.
And Blackpool was done for the night (yeah, I know). I bet Shirl & The Gang buggered off to Yates' to sink a few Blobs - ah, those were the days. A heady mix of sweet Australian liqueur wine, brandy, sugar, lemon and hot water, you'd be seriously off your cake in a couple of rounds. I can still smell them. Well, the vomit, anyway. I was more of a Depth Charge girl. A shot glass full of Pernod dropped, glass and all, into a pint of cider. THAT was hangover stuff, believe me.
While we waited for Sunday HOTH and I binge-watched 1899 on Netflix. If you haven't seen it, I really recommend it. It's THE most WTF telly show we have ever watched. Never mind The X-Files, Millennium or Fringe. This show makes Twin Peaks seem like a series of The Tele-Tubbies. It is very, very good.
Sunday's show kicked off with the pros recalling how much they dreamed of dancing at Blackpool as kids, and how special it is for them to perform there.
Human Labrador puppy and Eurovision Nearly Winner Sam Ryder provided the music, belting out You're The Voice, twanging his instrument in the interlude. He really is a hairy bundle of nice, isn't he? I want to throw a ball for him - the round kind, not an extravagant party - to see if he'll fetch it. I draw the line at rubbing his tummy though. The pros did a proper Blackpool group number while tiddly peeps Luca & Pebble. (I wonder if she goes to school with a kid called BamBam?)
Who's a good boy? You're a good boy Sam, yes you are!
Turgid Tess tediously tackled the task of telling tellyland that the twosome in trouble tonight were....
MOLLY & CARLOS. Poor Molly. She's been in the dance off so often now she must be wondering what she has to do not to be there. It's not her fault, but she is a ringadingdinger and the Voting Viewers tend not to keep those hanging around too long. She's not got the tween vote either, like previous celebs have. Such a shame and it must be a massive knock to her young confidence - she's only 21 (22 on Tuesday).
We had Claud's Corner instead of the Clauditorium this week, which looked a bit like it had been decorated by the Sixth Formers for their prom. (Don't get me started on that Malarkey - thankfully SOTH said he'd rather lose a body part than attend his - bloody prom. Ha!). Hamza apparently teaches Jowita about the Animal Kingdom while she teaches him the dances. Fleur was overwhelmed by the scores - and her husband texts Vito while in bed with her. Ellie was utterly gobsmacked that she'd got through.
We got another turn from Sam Ryder, who seemed to have turned up in his PJs. Maybe his mum let him stay up after his Sunday bath so he could sing again. Gio & Katya did a sort of rumba thing while Sam hit notes only a dolphin could have heard.
The judges huddled for their chat and recap of the dances of the night. Motsi loved being back in Blackpool - she only got to be a judge once before The Event. Shirley tipped Hamza as the one to beat, Anton spoke about standing ovations, Craig raved about Fleur
Deathly dreary Daly droned dozily for a dozen decades before declaring the doomed dance off duo were...
TYLER AND DIANNE. It was always going to be the way that good dancers were going to be in the bottom two from now on in. The remaining couples are all good to very good, most are definitely in a chance of winning it. But a second dance off on the trot must have been a bit disheartening for Tyler. His routine wasn't even bad. It's just that the viewers thought others were better.
Back to Claud's Corner and Will thanking all the local people supporting him and the people voting. Helen is living for every moment and Gorka's little girl Mia (with former Strictly contestant Gemma Atkinson) is in love with Will. Kym was relieved and grateful she gets another week grappling Graz.
Our pairs in peril took to the floor for what would be the last time for one of them. Well, probably until the tour, anyway. I could actually see a difference between their first performances and this one. Molly was a little lighter on her feet and Carlos toned it down a bit. Tyler came out fighting and got some rotation through his hips. The lifts were still clunky rather than flunky and the end one seemed very laboured this time round.
It was a difficult but not-quite unanimous decision for the judges, the split vote meant Head Judge Shirley had the last call that the celebrity to leave was....
TYLER. Aw, the poor lamb. Dianne looked stricken and Tyler kept apologising to her. Theirs was such a tight partnership and it must be so hard to suddenly have the rug pulled. He really did look like one of the favourites at the start - early 10s and one of the best Charlestons we've seen on Strictly. But, as I said last week, he seemed to have plateaued and didn't seem to be progressing like some of the others. I will miss his enthusiasm and the fun he brought this year.
And that was that for another week. My couch remains uneaten. The rock has been eaten, the Kiss Me Quick hats packed up for another year. Onwards to the final now - but who will lift the Glitterball for 2022? Only one way to find out - join me next week for another round up. Until then, my little candyflosses.....
KEEP DANCING!!!
Ta-ra Tyler - you can West your feet now
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