Footloose & Dancy Free

 

Well, here we are again folks. Another week of Strictly shenanigans, another week closer to the final. In just two short weeks we'll find out who has danced their way to the Glitterball - or, at least, who is most popular with the public. I'm still smarting from Danny Mac getting robbed pipped by Ore 'cries at the drop of a sequin' Oduba. Journey Schmourney. Danny's American Smooth still makes me catch my breath.

It's weird to think that in three weeks' time it will be Boxing Day. The day most people are stewing in a hangover funk, half the family aren't speaking to each other anymore and folk are wondering what the hell they're going to do with 16 kilos of leftover turkey that doesn't involve salmonella. And all the batteries in the kids' noisy toys have magically been thrown in the bin depleted. SOTH was given a Wiggles guitar one year. It had a mind of its own and used to go off randomly like it was possessed - it probably was, knowing our luck. Usually at about 3am, just before SOTH would roll over on Iggle bleeding Piggle and set him off singing his smug blue head off. Honestly, it was like The Amityville Horror. So, one day, Wiggles guitar failed to work. Mainly because we'd taken its Hellspawn batteries out. We told SOTH that replacements had to be imported from Australia (where The Wiggles live) and we had to have a special licence to import them. Ha. Wiggles Ghoultar silenced!

And so to what we're actually here for. It's MUSICALS WEEK on Strictly. One of the weeks we still look forward to, even if we sometimes have to guess what's going to be shoehorned in as a 'musical' or which one is going to be recycled yet again. So, here we go. Although I will warn you - HOTH & I were on the homemade fruit cider so I could have been watching a repeat of Prime Minster's Question Time for all I know.

Saturday night opened with a FAB-U-LOUS camp & kitsch pro-dance based on The Adventures Of Priscilla, Queen Of The Desert. It was great fun and Gio, Gorka & Johannes in drag, wafting their fans and strutting their stuff in heels, was quite the sight to behold - even if Gorka cheated a bit wearing block Cuban heels instead of the killer stilettos Gio & Johannes were wearing. Johannes was clearly living his best life and Team GG camped it up to the max. I mean, they looked better than some of the ladies - certainly much better than I do when I'm all gussied up. I look more like Les Dawson in his Cissy & Ada sketches. Only less feminine.

Me on the left at the last work's Christmas Party

I know the wardrobe team are reduced this year, but Tess came out looking like she'd forgotten to put a top on or they'd had to use some of the material in her jumpsuit elsewhere. Meanwhile, Claudia looked like she was wearing an outfit made from quilted toilet paper. Which is quite the possibility.

JJ & Amy opened proceedings with a Charleston to Chitty, Chitty Bang Bang. I'm pretty sure you don't need me to tell you what musical that's from. JJ is, unfortunately, suffering from repeated infections in his leg from shrapnel still embedded and it looks like this is affecting his dancing. It could have been a Truly Scrumptious routine, but the choreography and content were stripped right back. JJ had some good swivel in his feet and there were some good jumps & heel clicks but it wasn't quite zany enough for me. JJ looked like he was having a good time and his side-by-side bits and opposite side dancing were good but there were a few mistakes, especially towards the end. There was a lot of stop / start, too, with JJ appearing to pause between sections instead of flowing from one move to another, which spoiled things a little. He was a bit flat footed in some parts but he performed the piece well overall. The judges weirdly concentrated more on his various body parts than his dancing. A score of 20 out of 30 sent him to the bottom of the leader board Toot Sweet.

Ranvir & Gio were up next with a Viennese Waltz to She Used To Be Mine from Waitress - no, I've not heard of it either. The VT was very sweet with Ranvir saying she never feels good enough and struggles to believe in herself. She bloody should after this dance. My word. It was simply beautiful. The routine was sublime - romantic, soft, sensual and emotive. Ranvir was gorgeous, performing every beat of the song with heart and emotion. Her top line was exquisite, her footwork superb and she was full of grace as she swept across the floor. There was an amazing standing spin that seemed to go on forever (in a good way) and Shirley said Ranvir had done the best fleckrl she had ever seen. Her back bend arch was incredible, her arms elegant. There wasn't a dry eye in the house - including here (what? I'm not completely heartless). The judges were also impressed and she scored 27 out of 30).

Maisie & Gorka  followed with a Jive to Little Shop Of Horrors from...I give up. They're not even trying to make us guess the musical this year. Is Maisie ever going to do a ballroom number? Surely she's run out of the 'party' dances by now? She probably needs something slower after this very high energy routine. While she may be a plant, she had the Audreyance in the palm of her hand. Maisie was in time and synch with Gorka throughout and she did her best to perform the dance - although she does seem to have only three facial expressions - open mouth, rictus grin, 'yeah baby'. She coped well with some difficult steps, including dancing on a table, but her arms were still a bit flingy and her kicks & flicks lacked sharp retraction, especially towards the end as her stamina flagged. She's finally listened to the judges and tidied up her feet a bit and she's showing more musicality. I'm just disappointed Gorka wasn't dressed as the dentist. That would have been a gas!

Have you seen the alternative ending to this film? WAY better in my opinion but apparently test audiences nixed it because it wasn't a 'happy and uplifting' one. I won't spoil it if you've not seen it but if you have you know what I'm going on about. Bet you agree with me, don't you? 😉. Anyway, I think we'll definitely Seymour of Maisie as she scored a cracking 29 out of 30, and a 10 from Shirl.

Bill & Oti took to the floor with an Argentine Tango to Phantom Of The Opera from...go on, guess what it's from. Bill was the Manny In The Mask for this routine. It was slow for an Argentine and seemed to lack the proper power, attack and intent we usually see. Bill's expression was more manic than menacing and for once I didn't quite believe his character. The content was low and not really technically challenging and while Bill did his best to lead Oti, he didn't have a lot of drive through the floor. His frame and posture was good, and overall his footwork was pretty decent. His ganchos were loose, though, and his rondes were wobbly, sending him off balance in places. There were some ploddy bits and Bill seemed to be walking through some of the parts, with Oti doing all of the work. Not his best dance for me, but Craig declared it 'phantasmagorical'. Bill scored 24 out of 30 for another week, keeping him mid-table.

Haaaaarveeeeey & Jaaaaaneeeeetteeeee hit us with an American Smooth to One (Singular Sensation) from A Chorus Line. Well, it was obvious where the wardrobe budget went this week. There was so much bling, sequins & glitter in the outfits it was difficult to see where VowelOPhobe ended and Janette began. Actually, come to think of it, he looked rather like a Sherbet Fountain.

This was a proper, old school Golden Age Of Hollywood routine and Janette made sure all the crowd pleasing steps were in there. We had Fred & Ginger glides, high kicks, all around razzamatazz and all that jazz. His hands were occasionally like shovels, but the boy nailed this. He had swing, sway & swagger, embodying the character to the Max. (Oh, wait. He went out a few weeks ago, didn't he - after Naughty Wordgate?) We were treated to full on flair with some very tricky choreography and some really good and difficult lifts, twazzing Janette round like a majorette baton - I'm sorry for using such technical terms, by the way. His feet were great and his frame was solid. He did get a bit carried away on occasion, meaning his timing went off a bit, but overall a jolly good show. Shirley gushed over Janette's choreo (deservedly so) but announced it was Janette's first quarter final, totally glossing over the fact she'd got to the semis with Jake Wood in 2014. Before Shirl's Strictly stint though - and nobody probably dares set her straight if they know What's Good For Them. Motsi went on for what seemed like 25 minutes, and the pair finally scored 29 out of 30.

Jamie & Karen closed the show with a Jive to Everybody's Talking About Jamie from the musical of the same name. See, no surprises. It's not the best known musical - apparently a true story about a boy from the North going to the school prom in drag. A bit like Billy Elliott with more make up and frocks. Jamie - playing the titular Jamie (must have been a stretch for him) came out looking like a Wee Jimmy Krankie tribute act.

It's a shame he wasn't in drag, but that would probably have led to more complaints to OfCom and Points of View from the Professionally Offended And Outraged Society (POOS for short) whinging about the 'indecent content'. Prannocks. Jamie tried hard with this dance, although it seems he can't actually function unless his mouth is agape. Still, he had plenty of energy and he had lots of fun with the routine. He was a bit too upright, which meant his kicks & flicks lacked retraction and his feet were floppy. Karen actually stood in front of him on the desk dance bit, hiding his footwork from scrutiny. The choreography was low on content and technique and there were a few errors, including being wildly out of synch at one point. Still, Jamie enjoyed it and he scored 24 out of 30.

And that was that for Musicals Week. It's Annie-one's guess who will get through to next week, although Oliver fiver on Ranvir still being there. It's a Greasey pole down at the bottom and whoever gets saved will need The Commitments to survive. The semi final will be Wicked as someone's dream will come to a Les Miserables end. The Cats will be among the pigeons alright, but I wouldn't bet my Rent on anyone staying on the Strictly Carousel. The Hairspray will be in abundance as we listen to the Sound Of Music, I'll bet. Nobody knows what The Producers have in store but we can be assured that Anything Goes in this Cabaret. It'll be Saturday Night Fever for sure, Guys & Dolls. Mama Mia, I can't wait. So, all aboard the Starlight Express for our Return To The Forbidden Planet of dance.

What? You think I'd let musicals week slide without some terrible puns? I've already warned you Anything Goes here.

Sunday popped up over the horizon and it was The Results Show. Tonight we'd lose another celebrity and we'd be down to five couples for the semi-finals next week. It all seems to have happened so quickly this year. Which, to be fair, it kind of would seeing as there's fewer couples and shows this year. I've kind of liked it - Stripped Down Strictly (not Strip Strictly - that would be a different kettle of fish altogether and you already know my feelings on Tony Beak in his skimpies).

The cast of '& Juliet' turned up months ago to give us a performance and, to be honest, it looks like it's probably quite the jolly romp. From what I can Google tell it's a 'what if' musical about what might have happened if Shakespeare had been persuaded to change the ending of his Teen Tragedy. Sort of like if the test audiences asked about Little Shop Of Horrors had got their hands on it. The showcase example tonight and the internet trailer looks kind of fun and if we're ever allowed to visit theatres again I might put this on my 'To See' list.

Anyhoo...

We had the usual Tess, drums, tension etc. You know the score by now. No matter how she tries to stretch it out having only six couples left it wasn't long before...

JAMIE was announced as first to face the dance off chop. He's starting to make a habit of it now, but at least he takes it with very good grace and knows it's usually because he dropped a ball somewhere in the routine. To be honest, it hadn't been a sparkling sensation and this was one of his lower scores, tying with Bill. But I did think that Bill might just edge the popularity vote, especially with comedy fans and the older voters and it seems that I was right for once

We had the Clauditorium Chatter as usual. Though there's so few couples remaining they could probably get away with The Rule Of Six now to have them all up there together. And MASSIVE SHOCK. They haven't ditched the rumba after all, and we will see at least one next week. I promise I'll try to stay awake through it to be able to comment. No promises, though.

Musicals Megastar and all round magnificent Marisha Wallace belted out Climb Ev'ry Mountain. She's such a powerhouse I got goose-bumps. And I have a near phobia of The Sound Of Music after being made to watch it every day on video (ask you parents what a video is, kids) for the entire six weeks school holiday once. That and Live & Let Die. Honestly, the opening bars of Lonely Goat Turd, sorry, Goatherd are enough to send me heading for the hills. And don't get me started on Paul 'ooooooh / wobbly head / thumbs up' McCartney.

Yeah, yeah, Judges, comments, probably a demonstration of a step, whatever. Don't ask me, I was putting the treacle tarts in the oven to warm up for later. It's that kind of weather for hibernation food, although we were thankfully spared the snow. That and the sensational cake yesterday from Stuart Thornley Cakes (I'm not plugging - I'm being honest) made my weekend. It was a metric fup ton of jam inside delicious cake, surrounded by white chocolate ganache. Heaven.

Back to Tess for a very short 'reveal'. The second celebrity in the dance off was...

JJ - such a shame, but it's not really a massive surprise. It wasn't his best dance and, while he's undoubtedly a lovely chap, he's not really improved like some of the others and is starting to struggle to keep up and hadn't really improved as much as everyone else - although it was close, too close for me to call.

The Chatterpillar - more of a maggot these days - had an emotional Maisie and a very thankful Bill talking about having to dance two routines next week and how they're going to cope. It sounds like it's going to be...interesting, put it that way.

And so it was The Battle Of The Js as both gents revisited their routines. JJ was out first and, while it didn't go completely to Potts, he didn't seem to have picked up on the judges' comments and put the things that went wrong, right.

Having said that, Jamie was still a bit all over the place like an overenthusiastic spaniel. He seemed to forget the moves as well, which didn't help much. If anything, last night's was better for me.

The judges deliberated and cogitated and made some nicey nice comments. The panel was completely split again, with Head Judge Shirley getting the Emperor's Thumb and making the decision that...

JJ was eliminated. Ah, well. I did agree with the decision and I'm sure JJ will be relieved and overjoyed to see his family again. His exit speech was full of emotion and admiration for Amy, which was lovely to see.

Just five couples remain now until next week's semi-final. They're in touching distance of the glitterball, and it's still anyone's prize to win. Who will our finalists be? There's only one way to find out. Tune in next week for the penultimate blog of the year. Before you ask, no I am NOT doing a blog of the Christmas Special. One - because of the Covid business they can't do a proper mini competition so it's going to be a Best Bits compilation instead and, TWO - are you nuts? It's Christmas Day! I intend to be in a food induced slump clutching a nice glass of something alcoholic, not scribbling notes on a pad for later translation. I'm not that dedicated to the cause. So you only have two more weeks of this to endure. Until then.....

KEEP DANCING!!

THIS CHALMERS MAN - JJ SASHAYS AWAY