Sunday 19 November 2017


Well, it's finally here - the week all the dancers look forward to the most. IT'S BLACKPOOL WEEK!!! Who would have thunk that a small seaside town in the north-west of England, famed for tat and terrible beaches / weather would be a Mecca for the spray-tanned sequinned set? For DECADES Blackpool has been the place for ballroom dancing - The Beeb's very own Come Dancing used to be 'live from the Tower Ballroom'. All the pro dancers enthuse mightily about competing at Blackpool and how it has a special place in their hearts. Makes you wonder (and secretly a little proud, seeing as I live not a massive distance away and go there for the Lights every year).


Strictly has obviously been playing on my mind this week. Thursday night I dreamed they were having a 'Worst of the Worst' special instead of Blackpool. The Rev Richard Coles came on doing a can can, dressed in a black and silver spangly leotard, feathered headdress and those thick grey tights they used to make you wear at school. It wasn't a pretty sight, but I enjoyed his 'Good Ship Lollipop' tap break in the middle. I worry about myself sometimes, I really do.

Speaking of Strictly On My Mind, this week's 'I'd be really rubbish good at doing a this to that is a jive to Size Of A Cow by Wonderstuff. It will be a Jack and the Beanstalk themed routine with both partners in a pantomime cow outfit. How's THAT for side-by-side synch? Look, I told you I worried about myself.


Tess asks the judges what they think of Mollie & AJ's outing

But enough of my ramblings. You want to know what happened on the night, don't you? Come on then, bring your bag of chips and bottle of Mad Dog and we'll wander down to the front and see what went on.

The evening kicked off with a mish mash medley of music and styles from 'I'm Coming Home' to 'Let Me Entertain You' - complete with Big Top Theme, punk Pierrot pirouettes and circus shenanigans.

Blackpool Ballroom has a much bigger floor than our dancers are used to - and it's sprung as well, giving bounce back. There would be plenty of scope for extra backing dancers, props and scenery so the celebs would really have to give it large to sell their dances.

Mollie King and AJ set the scene with Charleston to Wings by Little Mix. Yeah. You know the one. This was one weird Charleston. There was no fun or slapstick, no comedy at all. This was more Burlesque than birdy flap in feel. There were lots of tricky spins and lifts including an amazing 'around the world' twizzer, but it was fairly slow and steady with no real Charleston content. Mollie had very little swivel or cross and on a couple of occasions seemed to lose AJ in the crowd. Of four backing dancers. Her shoulders got hunched near the end as she tired but she gave it a good go. The tide may be turning for Mollie and she scored a fair 29 out of 40.

Peter Kaye 'hilariously' popped up to tell us the terms and conditions but took the opportunity to flog his next tour. It was all a bit try hard and contrived but I'm sure the less jaded audience loved it.

Susan Calman and Kevin came out with a paso doble to Scott and Fran's Paso Doble. You know, the one from Strictly Ballroom. When Kev said last week he'd been dreaming of a special paso since he started Strictly I was secretly hoping it would be a Tellytubby themed dance with Susan as Po and him as Tinky Winky, screaming 'Time for Tubbycustard' as he beat out flamenco steps on his Noo Noo. (You're worried about me now, aren't you?) The Powers That Be said he could do it this year if he got to Blackpool, probably chortling into their chai lattes, safe in the belief Susan would be out in Week Two or summat. Well, the joke's on them, isn't it? Susan was supposed to be a sultry señora, but unfortunately looked more like Goth Lisa Simpson.

 

Kevin did the famous Strictly Ballroom knee slide as the opener but it didn't really sell as the backing dancers got in the way. Serious Susan popped up again this week but, again, her expression was pained instead of passionate. She tried hard with the attack and focus. There was a fair attempt at a flamenco break but she lost shaping and intensity. Her chasses looked like a toddler having a tantrum as she stomped and clomped around Kevin. She walked around instead of strutting and it was all a bit too safe. She lost time and synch with Kevin as well, which I'm shore affected the scores. A rock bottom 25 out of 40 scored by Susan.

Debbie McGee and Giovanni trampled through a samba to a medley of the Spice Girls Greatest Hits. No, that's not a spelling mistake. Dressed as Ginger Spice (I'm saying nothing about Old Spice) Debbie seemed to struggle a bit to get to grips with this one. She had good timing and musicality but it was all a bit stop / start and lost fluidity. Her promenade runs were fairly decent and her samba roll (you know, that move that looks a bit rude where she's basically got her bum shoved into Giovanni's swimsuit parts) was on point. Unfortunately, there seemed to be a lot of standing round, waving, not doing much and there wasn't a lot of hip rotation or bounce either. Unusually, her energy appeared to flag at the end. More shower than Girl Power. A bit of a rollercoaster in the marking as well with Shirley and Bruno somewhat overmarking her with 9s. A drop in points with just 33 out of 40 awarded.

Jonnie Peacock and Oti brought us a  tango to Sweet Dreams by Eurythmics. I can't have been the only one singing the dairy version of this song, can I? All together....sweet dreams are made of cheese, who am I to diss a Brie...Another dance with a different feel, this was a tango meets Tron with Jonnie and Oti in silver sparkles and make up. Jonnie tried hard with the dance, working on the attack and attitude, focus and ferocity. He covered the floor well and there were some good staccato head movements. There was a lovely bit where he and Oti synched with the backing dancers in an impressive armography section. His frame got a bit too high in places and his bottom stuck out further and further towards the end until he looked like he was leaning on Oti. I can seaside steps in his progress but I reckon he'll beach about his score of just 26 out of 40.

Gemma Atkinson and Aljaž came next with an American smooth to Downtown by Petula Clark. My spellchecker wanted to change that to Petulant Clark, which is miles better if you ask me - singing with a sulk. This was another solid outing from Gemma. The routine was light, airy and lyrical with some lovely fluid lines and movements. There was an elegant spin sequence and the lifts were nicely done, if not too taxing.  Her frame was good in and out of hold and her footwork was fair. She had plenty of judge-pleasing swing and sway in a gentle, whimsical number. She must be able to pier into the future and into next week after this turnout. A well deserved 38 out of 40 scored.

Davood Ghadami and Nadiya present a paso doble to Live And Let Die by Wings. Davood was in Bond mode, giving us pecs appeal in a sheer, see-through top that got Bruno and Craig all of a fluster. From his parachute entrance to the steel-cold ending Davood was in character for a fast, powerful and strong performance. His frame was strong and his shaping was fairly good - apart from awful splaying and flexing of his hands at times. His timing was good and there was an impressive twist/turn jump where he changed direction mid-air. This technically difficult dance was a towering outing for Davood and he showed he's no donkey, getting 35 out of 40 from Shirley and co (I don't know what's wrong with me today, I keep putting a 't' in Shirley where there ought not to be one. Thank the gods for spellchecker).

Alexandra Burke and Gorka were our penultimate pair, showing off with a quickstep to The Gold Digger's Song (We're In The Money) by 42nd Street. Just. Wow. This was a Hollywood worthy performance from Alexandra, getting into the character and the style of the dance from the get-go. Full of pizazz, it was a slick, polished number with plenty of content. There was a terrific Charleston break and a tap section, with the side by side synch for both being utterly together. At times it was hard to tell Alexandra apart from the pro dancers beside her. This diva owned the dance, with a fab frame, fleet footwork, controlled top line and bags of energy and stamina. Only Craig imagining spotting a touch of gapping stopped her getting a full house. This was the best dance of the night by a Golden Mile and earned her 39 out of 40.

Joe McFadden and Katya closed the show with a salsa to Ride On Time by Blackbox. I know. There's some odd music choices this week. And odd costume choices. Joe looked like he was auditioning for a 1990s kids' TV presenter job or WHAM! The Musical.

Joe arrived on stage showing off his eight foot clock. I SAID  CLOCK!! This was a high energy dance with plenty of bounce and shimmy, but Joe appeared a bit off balance and there was no figure 8 rotation in the hips. Although this was apparently fine as he had lateral movement, according to Shirl - even though she'd slammed Jonnie for the same action a couple of weeks ago. His free arm got a bit flingy and it all just felt a bit frenetic. He was praised for his leg-ography, but to me it just looked like he was cocking his leg like a spaniel against a lamp post while Katya twirled underneath. There was a weird lift thing at the end as well where it looked to me (and everyone else) like he'd dropped Kayta but no, they had the front to say it was 'planned that way'. The judges liked it and gave him 34 out of 40.

And that was that. The seaside spectacular had come to an end and the leaderboard looked like this:

Alexandra - 39
Gemma - 38
Davood - 35
Joe  - 34
Debbie - 33
Mollie - 29
Jonnie - 26
Susan - 25

Suddenly, as if by magic, Sunday appeared. Sadly, it wasn't dressed as a caveman (obscure Mr Benn reference, sorry). The stars gave us another magical opening performance to another throwback themed, Northern Soul number with some eyecatching gymnastics and breakdancing from backing dancers. We saw Brendan in a mullet wig and Anton crowd diving. Unfortunately, they didn't drop him. I mean fortunately, fortunately they didn't drop him.

Out of the comfort zone of the studio the tension was ramped quite a bit this week when Tess started to announce who had survived another week. The much bigger audience in the ballroom must have been giving off loads of vibes that added to the atmosphere. She eventually revealed that Debbie was in the danger zone! Now, that's a bit of a shock. She must have thought she'd be a shoo-in, even though Susan had gone through (with Kevin overreacting wildly - and a bit unsportingly, if you ask me). She looked like she'd been slapped with a wet fish and was totally speechless. Although my <cough> other sources tell me she's not the massive favourite with the fans that was first thought.

Tears For Fears pootled on and belted out Everybody Wants To Rule The World. I don't - the amount of admin would be shocking. But at least they sang one of their old favourites and not something new. Not at all anything to do with the fact that they've just announced an arena tour for 2018. Cynical, moi? Ha, I make Cruella Devill look like Peppa Pig.

Anyway, it's their own fault for making me feel very old, although Curt Smith bears more than a passing resemblance to Judge Rinder these days.

 

The judges waffled on for a bit about their likes and dislikes from 'the night before'. I didn't pay much attention - I went and put the tumble drier on with MBOTH's school shirts. Much more interesting, if you ask me.

After all that it was time to find out who else would be in the dance off. One by one the survivors were read out until we were left with Joe and Jonnie. I wasn't exactly flabbergasted when Jonnie was declared. He was down at the bottom of the leaderboard after all.

Michael Ball and Alfie Boe gave us a cheesy rendition of New York, New York to pad out the show a bit more. At least they can pop down the road to Alfie's gaff for a Horlicks after the show - his home town is just down the road from the tower.

This is where I come over all seaside psychic. I can comfortably predict that the eliminated dancer will be one with 'ie' at the end of their name - and a double consonant in the middle. Probably starting with a 'D' or a 'J'. Good, aren't I? I must be a medium (OI, who said 'more like an extra large'?)

Well, actually, this was going to be something of a foregone conclusion, wasn't it? Shirley's favourite versus the whipping boy of the pack? The princess and the paralympian. Jonnie has overcome many odds in his lifetime but this one was pretty much insurmountable. Short of Debbie jumping on the judges' desks and doing a wee in their woo-woos there was only going to be one outcome.

And of course, there were no alarms and no surprises. Debbie upped her performance, even though she made a mistake in the same place as the first time. Jonnie tried tucking his wayward rear under and straightened up a bit but seemed a little stiff and lost some spark. It was a unanimous decision.....

Jonnie was eliminated. It can't have come as a massive surprise to him and, to be fair, he's not been bringing his 'A' game for a couple of weeks. The very technical requirements to come in some of the more difficult dances may have been a bit too much. We'll never know. Jonnie's Strictly race has been run.


Jonnie goes marching home - peed off Peacock is gone

And so the show was over. The poor cleaners were waiting in the wings to sweep up the sh*t tonne of glitter and sparkly stuff while the celebs bogged off to Yates' for a Blob and a bag of pork scratchings. I reckon it's on Debbie's rider. Probably.

 

Saturday Seaside Special - make mine a large one!

Don't miss next week as we'll be having this season's first mass dance - a paso doble a-thon where all seven couples will have to perform at once. Should be a good one. So, until next week...........KEEP DANCING!!!


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