Here we are again, Strictly fans. I hope you brought your popcorn and supersize cups of fizzy drink because this week was MOVIE WEEK! The first of Strictly's themed weeks - we'll have Hallowe'en at the end of the month - it's a chance for the stars to shoehorn in tenuously linked tunes dance to some familiar, big screen scores. And for me to come up with some truly awful puns. I told you this was coming last week.

So which dancers gave Oscar-worthy performances and who deserved a Golden Raspberry? Switch off your mobile phones, stop talking at the back and I'll take you on a tour of Strictly Week Three. Lights! Camera! Action.....

The show opened with a lengthy La La Land inspired routine by the pros and the celebs, promising us a blockbuster show. The judges were gussied up in their glad rags - Craig and Bruno in white tuxes, Darcey & Shirley in the posh frocks. It probably would have worked the other way round as well, to be fair. Tess and Claudia introduced the stars and we were off.

Simon Rimmer and Karen Clifton started proceedings with a quickstep to You've Got A Friend In Me from Toy Story. Simon certainly got a Buzz out of this one. Woody be any good or end up looking like a big Jessie? (This stuff writes itself.) It started off promisingly enough. Simon had nice characterisation and his frame was fairly solid. Karen hadn't tasked him too much and this was fun, simple choreography at the slower end of the quickstep spectrum. His timing was okay and he hand nice hands. Unfortunately, he was flat footed and skippy and there was gapping in hold. No swing or sway cost him marks. He was Lightyears better than last week but even with judge Shirley in full Mummy mode he still only scored 19 out of 40.

Ruth Langsford and Anton brought us a rotten rumba to Diamonds Are Forever. I know I'm biased. The rumba is my least favourite dance. I think I've enjoyed three in the history of Strictly and one of those was a pro dance. It's just so.....meh. Walk, wiggle, pout, wave, pose, repeat. It's allegedly romantic but since I have all the romance of a used teabag [if you've read my post Moon and Back you'll understand why] it passes me by. So, poor Ruth was on a loser from the start. Anton had ordered a shed-load of dry ice and smoke to cover Ruth's feet, well up to her knees really, so most mistakes were well hidden. Yet again Anton did all the work, dragging Ruth about and plonking her in place. She looked like a Zombie. There was no wiggle, pout, wave or pose. Just the walking - and that not even in time to the music. She was stiff and stilted and looked like she'd rather be having her unmentionables plucked. Floppy arms, no rhythm and off balance, she looked like Anton had just picked a random member of the audience out for a go. I don't know about diamonds but this dance seemed to go on forever. Neither shaken, nor stirred the judges awarded just 15 out of 40.

Mini Mollie King and AJ produced a classy American smooth to Climb Every Mountain from The Sound of Music. I Have Confidence that Mollie will be in for a while. This was a flowing, serene routine and Mollie had lovely footwork in a dance with some tricky choreography. Even with AJ Alpen her out she was a bit clunky in and out of the lifts making the transitions clumsy and she spent quite a bit of time off the floor. It was fairly romantic and her chemistry with AJ is growing each week (thankfully like a lovely crystal, not mould). Not a spectacular number but nun the less Mollie managed to score 30 out of 40.

Rev Richard Coles and Dianne came next with something that was supposed to be a paso doble to Flash's Theme from Flash Gordon. Yes, you can imagine. I had to watch it. And I had only had half a glass of wine by then (Merry Mole - a rather nice            Moldovan malbec if you're interested). Oh. Good. Gracious. Flash may have had 24 hours to save the earth but Rev Richard would have needed a millennium to save this dance. I don't think you're supposed to laugh through a paso. Looking more like a blond bombsite than blond bombshell in a badly fitting wig the poor Rev was camper than a week at Center Parcs as he minced to the music, flinging his arms around like he was tossing confetti. He stomped and clomped along with all the aplomb of a grounded hawkman and was about a fierce as a kitten on catnip. His wig had more rhythm. He did have intent - if not the purpose. It was strangely entertaining but the panel was Merciless. Just 14 out of 40 scored.

Debbie McGee and Giovanni gave us a lively quickstep to Let's Call The Whole Thing Off from Shall We Dance. I have problems with that song. I don't know anyone who says potarto. And they should just call it a spud and save all the arguing. Anyway - Debbie hit the floor with very little faff, getting down to the routine almost straight away. She is very accomplished and her fabulous fleet footwork shone in a tight routine. Where Simon was slow, Debbie was like a little dervish as she covered the floor. She made the dance's complex steps look effortless and yet again she was solid in the solo sections. Apparently, she broke the 'ten second rule' (no she didn't eat a chip off the floor) by being out of hold too long and her upper frame got a bit too busy which dented the score. A decent 29 out of 40, though.

Brian Conley followed this with an American Smooth to If I Only Had A Brain from The Wizard of Oz. Flipping Ada, I bet Amy wishes she didn't have a Brian. Dressed as the scarecrow, Brian undeniably had character but sadly there wasn't a lot of charm. There was lots of messing about with him lolling on the floor to waste time. He made a few mistakes, missed a hold and he was flat footed. I know he was supposed to be a man of straw but he was just too loose and floppy for the dance. His timing was okay and it was an improvement on last week but the lack of classical steps and content meant he scored  Toto-tal of just 22 out of 40.

Gemma Atkinson and Aljaz swung into action with a Charleston to Bare Necessities from Jungle Book. Aljaz was dressed in a giant, fat bear suit (not bare suit, unfortunately) which should have hampered the routine but was weirdly cute. The dance took ages to get to the floor but when it did it was nice enough. Gemma had loads of energy, but this meant she got a bit frenetic and frantic - almost like she wanted the dance over and done with. There were some nice touches, but very little cross and swivel. Aljaz had thrown in some swing / jazz steps and it was nice to see Gemma's starfish at the end (it's a dance step you naughty people). Craig's comments were a bit Baloo the belt but Shere Khan't have been too disappointed with a score of 31 out of 40.

Charlotte Hawkins and Brendan came next with a tired tango to Danger Zone from Top Gun. Poor Charlotte. She always looks fine in the training VT but she seems to completely freeze like Ice, man, when she hits the floor. Was she going to prove me wrong or just wing her way through this dance? Looking like she'd been Goosed, she made mistakes from the beginning again and it was clear Brendan was in Cruise control doing all the work. She is quite a 'needy' dancer and was hanging on so much she was like a Klingon on his starboard bow. Never mind Top Gun, Charlotte was so stiff she should have been dancing to something from Mannequin. There was no passion, no emotion, no drama and no glide in her footwork. Maverick Brendan argued with the judges over alleged rise and fall in the number which can't have helped a low score of 17 out of 40.

Jonnie Peacock strutted his stuff with Oti in a passable paso doble to The Raiders March from Indiana Jones. Was this routine going to be his Last Crusade? Surely not after this performance. Does anybody else think he sounds like Noel Fielding? Just me? Oh, well. Jonnie attacked this dance with a passion, showing plenty of focus, attack and panache. Oti is whipping him into shape and he's starting to find and get into character for his dances which is really helping him improve. He had decent arm shaping, good footwork and plenty of focus. He did some tricky jumps and knees changes which can't have been easy with his prosthetic. He still needs work on his shaping but he was manly, macho and strong. Indy end he scored 26 out of 40.

The Susie Soap continues as Susan Calman and Kevin attempted a samba to the Theme from Wonderwoman (the TV show - you know, the one with the classy 'fighting for our rights, in your satin tights' line). I like Susan. She always has a bloody good go and her dances are full of character, if not content. This week was no different - a fun, cheery routine with Susan showing lots of sass and shimmy and giving it plenty of welly. Sadly the dance was lacking in bounce, samba rolls and technique. There was very little hip action throughout the number which affected the marks. Susan should have got extra points for leading Kevin, though - and she made him do the 'wrist-ripper' twizzer which is probably a first for Strictly. A fair 20 out of 40 for Susan.

Joe McFadden and Katya showed us their version of a Viennese waltz to Somewhere My Love from Dr Zhivago. Omar goodness. The dance seemed to go on as long as the film. It was very nice but left me a feeling a bit Siberian. You can't argue that he covered the floor well and had loads of rotation. There was some nice sway but he was leaning forward a bit and he seemed to be over-striding sometimes that left him looking a bit spidery. Joe had grown a 'tache especially for the character and I was racking my brains who he reminded me of. And then it hit me.....

I like you, do you like me? Joe goes Borat in the name of Strictly!

The judges liked the dance well enough and Joe scored 32 out of 40.

Accomplished Aston Merrygold and Janette Manraraskirt came up next with a cheery cha cha cha to Cant's Stop The Feeling from Trolls. Looking like he'd come straight from a pencil top, Aston didn't mess about. Another amazing week with Aston showing great character, control and content. He has amazing rhythm and musicality and seems to cope with just about everything Janette throws at him. Aston has spot on timing, fab fluidity, clean lines and straight legs needed for the dance. There was good hip action and rotation and he was tight and together from start to finish. He controlled Janette in a terrific pot-stirrer (the one Charlotte fell off last week) and his hip hop hips had Bruno all of a flutter. A fabulous 35 out of 40 scored.

Before we could get our breath back Alexandra Burke and Gorka took to the floor with an American smooth to Wouldn't It Be Loverly from My Fair Lady. Again, Alex's stage training shone in a lovely routine and she's one of only a few celebs who acts a role while she dances. This number showed off Alexandra's musicality with whimsical choreography. She coped well with changes of pace and had nice, clean footwork. She needed more control in her arms and her shoulders are still rising too much which is spoiling her neckline. With A Little Bit Of Luck she'll sort this out for next week. The judges were happy enough and awarded her 33 out of 40.

Davood Ghadami and Nadiya closed the show with a sloppy samba to Stayin' Alive from Saturday Night Fever. Discos without saying, this wasn't his best dance. He had poor posture and had little or no bounce. He wiggled his hips rather than rotated them and his core was weak. He did have some rhythm and there was some good crossing. The wholly unnecessary dancing on the desk and wiggling his bum at the judges didn't have the desired affect. His hands were awful. As Mary Poppins probably didn't say - they were supercalispatulisticthisishowhegropesus. There wasn't a lot of connection with his partner either and he scored a middling 25 out of 40.

And there we were. Everyone had done their thing and the curtain closed on another night. I'm just disappointed no-one did anything from Fiderer on the Roof (sorry, in joke). The leaderboard looked like this:

Aston - 35
Alexandra - 33
Joe - 32
Gemma - 31
Mollie - 30
Debbie - 29
Jonnie - 26
Davood - 25
Brian - 22
Susan - 20
Simon - 19
Charlotte - 17
Ruth - 15
Rev Richard - 14

And so it was Sunday. MBOTH (Medium Boy Of The House) got Man of the Match at rugby. Typical. The week I don't go because I'm laid up with the lurgy. Hang on, maybe I'm on to something. I don't go = he plays really well. I'm doing him a favour by not dragging my backside out of bed at stupid o'clock on freezing Sunday mornings, aren't I? Job's a good 'un.

So, back to Strictly and the results show. Who was going to be in trouble this week? Who was going to have to hang up their dancing shoes? It was all down to the viewers.

Tonight we started off with a jolly Disney-based dance medley routine that got the audience warmed back up and was fun to watch. There was Aladdin, Little Mermaid, Beauty and the Beast. But enough about the judges. Tess and Claudia were introduced as Lady and the Tramp. You can fight among yourselves about who's who. There was a recap of the <air quotes> night before to remind us all what went on - and to pad out the programme a bit.

Finally, it was time to get down to the serious bit. Tess dragged out the first half of the 'who gets another go' bit. Honestly, you could watch all three Lord of the Rings films in the time she takes. The extended versions. FINALLY, we found out that SIMON was going to have to dance again. Craig gave some nice, helpful feedback on what he needed to do to be safe.

This being movie week they wheeled out Sheridan Smith who belted out the number My Man from the Barbra Streisand classic, Funny Girl. I suppose it's famous if you know the film. I'm disappointed she didn't do the Minions version of I Swear from Despicable Me 2. The pro-dancers did their bit in a filler that was probably filmed sometime Saturday afternoon, but it was all quite nice.

We had the 'comments from the judges' bit that's a bit flat these days now there's no Len's Lens. There was more staged bickering about bits from 'last night' and Bruno was rather restrained instead of his flapping and flouncing about like he'd had too much sugar and E. Numbers like the night before.

Tess then came back to tell us who the second dancer at the bottom was. It wasn't really much of a surprise when she announced it was REV RCHARDS COLES. There were no gasps of surprise or baffled looks. He was probably expecting it himself but he took it all in good part, saying he was looking forward to wowing Craig again.

Both couples reprised their routines in a vain hope that they could make some improvement on their previous performance. I looked - I really did - but both outings seemed about the same. Simon may have been a bit crisper and clippier in the movement across the floor. I still enjoyed The Rev's performance the most. Rarely has there been such inefficient but enthusiastic movement.

The judges took very little time to deliberate and it was with a touch of sadness that.....

REVEREND RICHARD COLES was ushered from the series. To be honest, Simon could have just skipped around the stage like a toddler and he would have looked better than the Reverend. It's a shame but at least this week the right person went.

It was all over in a Flash but the Rollicking Rev gets his Sundays back. 

We're down to unlucky thirteen. Who's going to get the chop next time? You'll have to tune in next week to find out. 

Until then.........KEEP DANCING!!!!