I shouldn't really have used this photo. I've got the theme tune stuck in my head now. 'We are The Famous Five. Julian, Dick and Anne, George and Timmy the Do-o-o-og'. I much preferred The Comic Strip's version - Five Go Mad...' I think you can still find it online. French & Saunders, Ade Edmondson, Peter Richardson, the suave bloke off of out of Crossroads and the recently departed, much loved Robbie Coltrane. A barbed but very funny dig at Blyton's gang where everything was accompanied by 'cake and lashings of ginger beer'.
Anyway, hello my fine fandango friends. How goes it? I don't know about you, but I have totally lost track of the days of the week now. I was thinking 'why am I working on a Sunday?' Except it's not, is it? It's Monday and I'm all discombobulated. It's worse than that week between Christmas and New Year. Which, apparently, is called Merryneum by some folk. That sounds too much like something bottom related for me. Chrimbo Limbo is better. Or 'Is There Any Baileys Left?' And we'll soon be there won't we? We've not even got our tree up yet. But Krampus is taking shape for next week. I shall post pics.
Guess what the highlight of my week has been? Yes, that's right. Hiring a skip! I know. Jealous aren't you? We're having a pre-festive clear out and thought we'd do a Proper Job of it. I hired a small skip. It's now completely full to the brim with just the stuff from my office! AND we took four full bags of tat stuff to the charity shop. We're going to have to get another one for the rest of the crap. A very big one if we're tackling the cupboard under the stairs as well. Or the one in the kitchen where we have boxes for phones and tech we got rid of years ago. There's also my very first Nokia mobile phone. No, not the ever reliable 3310 (which, along with cockroaches and Twinkies would survive a nuclear strike). THIS beauty...
It's a Nokia 6110 from the late 1990s and weighs a whopping 310g, most of which is the battery. Texts took blimming ages to send and not many people I knew had mobiles so there wasn't a lot of point to it, really. Still, I probably could have used it as a cudgel I needed to. Whack someone round the head with that and they're going to have one hell of a lump and tweetie birds circling their noggin.
But enough reminiscing. Back to Strictly, what happened, what they scored and who had their Glitterball hopes smashed at the final hurdle? The remaining five couples had to dance two different routines this week - well, they've got to fill the time slot somehow. Just over one week to learn two numbers? Could they pull it off? Well, let's take a look through the rectangular window...
Fleur & Vito kicked off proceedings with a Paso Doble to The Time Is Now by Moloko. Fleur started off confidently with a solo skirtography slot, putting lots of energy, attack and intent into her moves. There was plenty of drama and attitude, Fleur doing well with the character and story-tellling. Her promenades and Paso walks were decent and her footwork wasn't bad. It all got a bit weird when Vito started dragging her around by the skirt. She looked like a woman who'd caught her dress in a taxi door.
It wasn't perfect, though. Her shaping wasn't rounded enough for a Paso, she cut her Spanish lines short and didn't finish them properly. Her knees needed to be a bit softer and she lost balance a few times. Mad overmarking by Tony Beak meant the couple scored 35 out of 40.
Helen & Gorka were up next with a Waltz to Only One Road by Celine Dion (or Sealion Diane as she's referred to in our house). This was a soft, flowing, elegant routine with some nice romantic storytelling. Helen had lovely footwork, managing the heel turns well and closing her feet where it was needed. There was lots of lovely light & shade, changes of direction and light, lyrical movements. Helen's frame was pretty good throughout and her timing was spot on. I lip-read a lady in the audience saying 'That was amazing' and I tend to agree. There were some gapping issues and Shirley would have like some more sway. The panel awarded 35 out of 40, with Anton scoring the pair less than Fleur, who had made obvious mistakes. I can't fathom his thinking.
Hamza & Jowita followed with a Charleston to Pencil Full Of Lead by Paolo Nutini. If ever a song was perfect for a Charleston, this is it. Well. Wow. Yet again the Humble Hamster smashed it out of the park. Dressed in a kilt - a brave choice if he wore it traditionally - he absolutely went hell for leather in this routine. With very 'jivey' undertones it had corking choreography and Hamza made it his own including little extra touches like the head bobs & finger wags. He was clearly loving it, his infectious beaming smile lighting up the studio. He had plenty of attitude, attack and Charleston energy pulling out pretty much every step in the handbook. Tons of Hamza charisma shone as he wellied it over the floor (that's a technical term). His timing, sync and character were bang on point and he never missed a single beat. You don't need me to tell you how good the lifts were - one incredible one where Jowita bounced up & down off the floor in hold and one weird one where Hamza twazzed her around like a Henrietta Hoover.(Bet you're impressed with my knowledge of the lingo aren't you?). Picky, picky Craig said Hamza had a lazy left foot in the swivel, but the pair got a whopping 39 out of 40.
Strictly bosses come up with an inventive way to sweep up the confetti
Molly & Carlos' first dance was an American Smooth to Easy On Me by Adele. I don't mind Adele as a whole, but I'm starting to think she should give over on the mourning the lost love lyrics. She's starting to sound like a stalker. And like an asthmatic donkey on this one. 'Go <deep breath in> heeeeeeeee-eeeeee-eeeezy on me babe'. Cheer up love, it's nearly Christmas. So, anyway. Team Mollusc. This was an elegant number - it took a bit to get going with some faffing on the stage bit, mind - with nice interpretation of the music by Molly. Her arms, hands & frame were lovely, finishing moves right to the tips of her fingers. Her shaping was good and her footwork was decent. The lifts were a bit simple for me. I mean, I'm not expecting Hamza style chucking up to the lighting rigs, or even Danny Mac catching a leaping Oti but - and I will stress this is probably just me - they just seemed to be Carlos picking her up, doing a bit of a turn and putting her down again.The choreography didn't seem to work, either. There was a lot of stop / start stuff and Molly standing still while Carlos fannied about which spoiled the flow of the dance. The couple scored 35 out of 40 with an inexplicable 10 from Anton (mate, you handing out 10s like sweeties is not going to influence the viewer vote).
Will & Nancy finished the round of routines with a Paso Doble to Uccen Dancing With The Stars Remix by Taalbi Brothers. Erm...let's just say this wasn't his best dance to date. There was some reet weird capeography at the start which was really messy. Will looked like a cross between a Marvel baddie struggling with Dr Strange's cape and a kid pretending to be Batman with a bin bag tied round his neck.
What a caper!
Will had a good go at the routine but he was WAY over the top in his attack, drive and intent, meaning the dance became aggressive, uncontrolled and erratic. Not so much a matador as a bull in a china shop, on steroids, with a bad hangover. With his 'smell the fart' face back on show, he clomped, stomped and barged his way around the dancefloor. His flamenco sections were okay and he was in sync with Nancy when out of hold. In hold, though, his shaping totally collapsed in on itself, his arms weren't straight and got flingy and his footwork went awry. He was too tight, too controlled and too stiff (oi, careful now). This time it was Motsi's turn to overmark with a nine, but only 32 out of 40 was scored, leaving Will disappointed in himself.
Round two and Fleur and Vito were back with a Charleston to Tu Vuo' Fa L'Americano which translates to You Want To Play The American and has lyrics saying 'You wear jeans with logos on the back pocket / And wear a cap with the peak raised up'. Which proves my point that some things are best left in their native language. Now, this was a much better outing from Fleur. Her nerves seemed to have calmed and she went all out to deliver this dance. From Vito frantically shovelling spaghetti in his gob at the start to the last note this was a fun, full on routine. Fleur was out to impress this time and she jolly well did. Fizzing with energy, she stormed & swivelled through the number, handling difficult choreography and tricky lifts like she'd been practising for months instead of days. It was frivolous, feisty and nothing like the one Neil from The Inbetweeners did in the film. A near-perfect 39 out of 40 was scored by Team FleurVito (of which an anagram is Evil To Fur, Mate in case you were wondering).
Back to the floor for the second time were Helen & Gorka with their Argentine Tango to Here Comes The Rain Again by Eurythmics. Helen had a strong start, looking sexy & sultry in her opening solo slot. She had plenty of passion, attack and intent, her ganchos were good and she was tight and together with Gorka. She coped well with the pace of the dance and its change of rhythm and direction but her posture slipped a bit and she started to hunch her shoulders. An unfortunate moment where her heel got caught in her dress seemed to put her off and into her own head again. The audience booed Craig and even Shirley (which Craig encouraged) and, despite the errors the couple gained 37 out of 40.
Hamza & Jowita calmed things down this time with a Waltz to What The World Needs Now by Burt Bacharach. This was a lovely contrast to their first dance which really showcased Hamza's versatility and talent. This was a gentle, sweet, romantic routine which flowed across the floor. Hamza nicely closed his feet and his fleckerl was fab. He's definitely listened to the judges and finished his lines, extending his arms, hands and fingers all the way through. He lost his frame and shaping a couple of times, though, and there were quite a few footwork faults. The judges weren't too savage, though, and still awarded 37 out of 40 with Craig giving Hamza high praise by saying he doesn't just dance the steps, he dances the music too. The bloke's a natural.
Molly & Carlos rounded off their night with a Paso Doble to Survivor by 2WEI ft Edda Hayes. Which I thought was quite apt for the Duchess of the Dance Off. And Molly showed us while she's still here, despite being in the bottom two on four occasions. There was more drama than an entire history of Eastenders, more passion than a bodice-ripper. Woah, Nelly. Well, Molly. She was out to prove herself in her last dance of the semi-final and did so with aplomb. And Carlos as well. This was tight, controlled, fiery and fierce, Molly shying away from her usual 'cute girl next door' personality. Her timing, spotting and attitude were excellent and her footwork - including very difficult promenades and counter-promenades - was polished and precise. This was a clean, sharp and masterful performance which earned her a near top-of-the-shop 39 out of 40, only Craig keeping his Big Ten under the desk.
Will & Nancy closed the show with their Couple's Choice to a medley of Madchester Music. With Happy Mondays' Mascot Bez in the audience with his maracas Will really wanted this one to go well. And it did. His costume brought a whiff of nostalgia for me (my tattooist & I agree the 90s were the last best decade for good music) and his cheeky Manc swagger throughout the routine made the number. This was a street-dance style Couple's Choice, full of style and attitude. His energy was high, his timing was spot on and he was totally in sync with Nancy. There was tons of content and, while it got a bit PJ & Duncan for me in parts, it was good fun and Will performed it with his tongue firmly in his cheek. The judges loved it, too, and the pair earned 38 out of 40. But will it be a Happy Monday for them?
Let's Get Ready To Rhumble In Romiley
So, after a plethora of Pasos, a couple of Charlestons and a whole lotta Waltzes the leaderboard looked like this:
Hamza & Jowita - 76
Molly & Carlos - 75
Fleur & Vito - 74
Helen & Gorka - 72
Will & Nancy - 70
All very close but, as we know, everything can change after the viewer votes are added. Did it though? Let's see.
And so Monday began, Mondayingly. I had to type this thing straight after work - see how dedicated I am? I looked like that cat on the laptop meme. I usually do this while I'm relaxed on the couch sipping lattes and a bacon butty from Greggs. So the pressure was on to meet my self imposed deadline. I'm almost like a journalist. Speaking of deadlines - I'm also Beta reading author Adrian Cousins' next book (I Beta read as a hobby - it's like a last pair of eyes before publication and combines my two favourite pastimes of reading and finding fault). No spoilers here for that one, but I highly recommend you check out Adrian's other books such as Jason Apsley's Second Chance, Ahead Of His Time and Force of Time. Great books full of escapism and nostalgia - and no, he's not paying me to plug him. I want to share my very good taste in literature.
Me this evening
The results show started with a recap of the night before and NO pro dance. It made the show feel a little flat & rushed. I like watching the professionals getting to grips with bonkers choreography - We Don't Talk About Bruno is still my favourite of this year.
The judges vox-popped their opinions of the semi-final routines again and there was the usual back stage 'after the fact' bits with the celebs discussing their scores and how it made them feel.
Tess was not fazed with the show being broadcast a day later (I wonder if they all got double time for working on a Sunday) and dragged her announcements out like an anaesthetised sloth. We finally learned that the first couple in trouble were...
FLEUR & VITO. The semi-final is almost the sharpest edge and only the good dancers remain. It could have been any one of the remaining five in the Dance Off. Nobody is assuredly safe now and we know the couples going out will be talented hard workers. This time it just happened to be Fleur's turn. Again. Tess didn't help rubbing their faces in it that they might be packed off.
Molly had been announced safe first and went into full on screaming histrionics and Carlos bursting into snotty tears. Hamza was tearful but restrained and grateful. In the Clauditorium Molly was shaking with excitement and Carlos was still in tears, almost inarticulate with joy. It is his first year after all. Hamza was, as always, humble and touched. His (platonic) love for Jowita was palpable and actually quite moving to watch.
Our musical interlude was brought to us by the always fabulous Lewis Capaldi. Fab voice, great personality, wicked sense of humour. I reckon he'd be a good Strictly contestant, except they wouldn't be able to show any VT and would have to cut his mic as he gets a little bit...sweary. Another reason I like him. He's definitely going on my 'messy night out' invitation list. Oh, and Gio and Katya did some dancertising while Lewis belted out his ballad.
The Judges Corner was a bit like speed dating this week, short and to the point with not much of note being said. Motsi enthused over Molly, Shirl purred about Fleur, Anton wittered on about Waltzes and Craig chattered about Will's Couple's Choice. There was a round up of the judges' best bits, including Craig's Mega-Boo.
There were only two couples left to pick from and we were finally told that the other pair in the dance off were...
WILL & NANCY. Will was obviously down after hearing this, but this is his first time in the dance off. He did have the lowest score on the night and had shown some weaknesses not seen for a few weeks. He'd pulled it back with the Couple's Choice but not enough for the viewers.
As the results show is filmed straight after the live programme the couples had to dance whatever they'd done last. A Charleston for Fleur, a Couple's Choice for Will. Both strong routines, both high scorers. Who would prevail?
The pairs came out fighting - not literally, although that might be an idea for next year. Fleur had more swivel this time but got a bit frantic in a couple of places. Will added even more swagger and Manc-isms. They couples both performed their absolute best to impress the judges and stay in with a chance of lifting the Glitterball. It was going to be a close call and all the judges expressed how hard it was for them to make their decisions. If they could have saved both couples, they would have done. It was down to micro-moves.
In another split decision it was down to Shirley to give the thumbs down to one couple. And that was...
WILL & NANCY. So very near and yet so far. It must be really gutting to go home at this stage. Will was disappointed and a bit choked up - he kept apologising to Nancy for messing up but she was sobbing, too, as she so wanted to get him to the final. But, it is what it is. He did bloody well and impressed a lot of people.I'm sure they'll be on the tour.
Fleur & Vito were utterly gobsmacked by the decision - it looked like they'd resigned themselves to going out. I'm not disappointed I get to see Vito for another week, anyway.
And that was that. Next week is the Grand Final and the crowning of our 2022 Champions. I am really looking forward to it - especially the Show Dances. I'm expecting Hamza to hurl Jowita into low earth orbit at the very least.
So, until then my little Chupa-Chups....
KEEP DANCING!!
Will.I.Am Going Home
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