Saturday, 27 May 2017

It's official. I'm definitely a curmudgeonly, middle-aged old fart with as much romance in my soul as The Terminator. How do I know this?

You know when you shop online you get sent all sort of other links, sites and offers? Well, today I received one from a well known discount voucher company. You know, the one associated with women who are crap at eating sushi and are forever having their leg hair ripped off? Yes, THAT one. Anyway, among today's (tat) offers was a necklace proclaiming 'I love you to the moon and back'. Lovely, yes?

Moon & Back

Except, all I thought was 'Well, that's not really very far'. Told you I was a romantic. Because, well, it's not really. It's fewer than 500,000 miles. And while I wouldn't want to have to walk it, cosmically speaking it's probably the equivalent of nipping to the corner shop. Neither far, nor romantic - unless you bring me back a packet of Munchies or a Magnum. Let's face it - The Proclaimers have probably walked more than that by now, and they're hardly my first choice to put me in The Mood (although it was the second dance at our wedding).

'I love you to Proxima Centauri and back' (about 8.5 light years) maybe. Or 'I love you to the ends of the known universe and back'. That's more like it. But I suppose that's a bit hard to get round the outside of a necklace, not to mention harder to spell.

While I'm at it - since when did declarations of love become quantifiable in terms of distance? What's wrong with loving someone more than.....I dunno....a seat on the train home? THAT means an awful lot to me. It means an awful lot to most of the passengers if the scrum for it is anything to go by. HOTH knows I'm in a good mood if I tell him I love him more than Haribo. If I tell him I love him more than Tangfastics he gets Ideas.

But, it's probably just me. Most people are perfectly happy with the moon & back. Some folk would be happy with a nip to the corner shop. To be fair, I'm more than content with my lot......I'm just not prepared to pay an online discount voucher company good money to say it.

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