Sunday, 11 October 2015

It was Week Three on Strictly Come Dancing and the theme was 'Movie Week'! The glitz and glamour of Hollywood brought to us through the medium of dance as only the Strictly gang can. Claudia should feel right at home, seeing as she presents Film <insert current year here>. So, what did the night bring us? Was it all Oscar winning performances, or was it worse than a very bad am-dram performance of The Scottish Play? Although, I won't hear a word said against amateur dramatics - it's where I met HOTH, after all. Mind you, we were good. You should have seen my Australian fairy in Cher wig and silver monkey boots, dahling! So....ladies and gentlemen, grab your massively overpriced popcorn, haul your mega-sized giant soft drink (the one which means you'll be needing a wee halfway though this review but, since it's so very good, you'll just wiggle till you've got to the end) and DON'T drop your Cornetto on my sofa - away we's Strictly Come Dancing - Movie Week!

The curtain rose with a turn from weathergirl Carol Kirkwood. This week Carol was performing a quickstep to Wash That Man Right Outta My Hair from South Pacific. Unfortunately, this was more quicksand than quickstep. Carol's 'hairwashing' movements looked more like she was trying to get rid of nits and she was dragged around the dancefloor by partner Pasha, who was obviously giving instructions through gritted teeth again. She failed to storm through the performance, instead she skipped and hopped and flopped about through the routine, with little technique or style. She always has a bemused expression on her face - like she's not sure why she's there or who the nice young man barking orders at her is. While still something of a wash out, she is showing some improvement, apparently, the judges giving her 17 out of 40.

Up next was boxer Anthony Ogogo, this week attempting a Paso Doble to Eye Of the Tiger from Rocky III. I TOLD you they'd be giving him boxing related songs all the time, didn't I? Now, the Paso is one of my favourite dances when it's done well. Unfortunately, this one wasn't. With his persistent shoulder injury Anthony couldn't perform any of the passionate poses, fearsome framing or animal attack associated with the dance. I've seen more command and drama in a pre-school Nativity play. The sweeping gestures were lost, with Anthony looking like he was showing partner Oti round his front room instead of a bull-ring and there was no cape-swirling action in this caper. This was more Matalan than matador, I'm afraid. Will Anthony be off the hook and Survivor till next week? I'll Paso on that question. The panel scored a dismal 19 out of 40 so he's going to have to canvas for the viewer vote if he's to stay much longer.

Classy lassie Katie Derham followed, with a choppy Cha Cha Cha to Pretty Woman from the film of the same name. The dance started well with some nice wiggle and hip action, but quickly dropped off into a stiff, stilted routine with very little Cha Cha Cha content. Anton had clearly slipped a Gere or two when he choreographed this. Poor Katie was left standing around waving her arms for half the dance, when we know she is capable of so much more. They failed to use the dance floor so much this ended up all Anton, no deck. Too much stop / start faffing about - there was no fairytale ending this time. If you're going to stay in, the viewers will need to call, girl. Just 20 out of 40, though Anton admitted this was all his fault.

Kellie Bright and partner KevinfromGrimsby brought a cracking Charleston to the Cantina Band tune from Star Wars. Luke and learn, people, this is how you do a Charleston. Yoda thought this dance was made for Kellie, who was Wookiee to get such fab choreography from Kevin. All the Charleston moves were there, lots of kicks, flicks and tricks with plenty of swivel to prevent Craig from giving them the Death Star(e). This dance will definitely Leia challenge at the other dancers' doors - it certainly gave me Palpatine-ations. Kellie, you danced up a storm, trooper! The judges' score of 32 out of 40 must certainly have given her A New Hope.

Someone had to follow that corking routine. And that was Ainsley Harriott who was dancing a Cha Cha Cha to Boogie Wonderland from the film Happy Feet. Ainsley may have been dressed as a penguin, but he couldn't get the wrapper off this dance. This was more flopper than flipper with no hip rotation, no wiggle and frantically flailing feet. The trouble with Ainsley is that he gets so carried away showing off and larking about that he forgets the routine and ends up making it up as he goes along. This earned him a chilly reception from the judges, fed up with his Antarctic antics. He needs to eat some Humboldt pie (that's a type of penguin, apparently) if he's to stay in much longer. Just 20 out of 40 from the panel.

Alleged actress Georgia May Foote followed with a rumba to The Writing's On The Wall from new Bond film, Spectre. I've said before, the rumba is my least favourite dance, which is basically just walking about to slow music, pouting and waving your arms a bit, occasionally pretending to Do A Snog. It says a lot about my romantic streak, doesn't it (you may have read my thoughts on stuff like 'Love You To The Moon And Back' - if not, it's down there on the earlier posts on my blog)? There was no spectre-cal in this routine I'm afraid. Hardly any rumba content at all, no flow, no push through the legs, nothing. Far too much posing and posturing, certainly no licence to thrill. Georgia was more bothered about her hair when it finished. Len Goodman gave her partner a proper telling off for shaking his head at the judges' comments. That was certainly a Blofeld by him and I think he should take his Q from former bad boy Brendan and learn to take the hits. Still, there was the odd score of 007 and Georgia totalled 27 out of 40.

Gorgeous Helen George was up next with a fabulous little foxtrot to I Wanna Be Loved By You from classic movie Some Like It Hot. Blonde bombshell Helen coped tremendously with a super smooth routine full of glitz and glamour. There was great glide and faultless footwork from Marilyn lookalike Helen. Certainly no midwife crisis in sight, with even KevinfromGrimsby mouthing 'that was good!' at the end. Thoroughly enjoyable, the judges did love her - the odd comment about a death-grip on Aljaz aside (and who can blame her), they gave her an amazing 32 out of 40. Helen might be here for the full term.

From the sublime to the ridiculous, up next came Daniel O'Donnell who danced - and I say that in the loosest terms -  a cheerless Cha Cha Cha to Summer Nights from Grease. I have very fond memories of Grease. I remember begging my nana to take me and we queued around the block at The Carlton Cinema (there were no multiplexes in those days) to watch it. We re-enacted the dance routines in the playground at school - with my friends, that is, not my nana. That would have been weird, even in the seventies. Well, thanks to Disastrous Dan my childhood is ruined, the memories sullied. This rotten routine left a worse taste in my mouth than waking up after a night of Jagerbombs and a kebab on garlic naan, eaten through a rugby player's jockstrap (ahhhh....those were the days). Although he was meant to look like John Travolta as Danny Zuko, Doleful Dan looked more like Father Ted as Elvis and danced just as badly. This routine was ploddy, shoddy, off beat and out of time. A Cha Cha car crash. O'Donnell skipped around the floor like he was dancing the maypole at a summer fete, more dozy don't than dosey do with no hip action, no style and no character. Grease was the worst - with Daniel not so much being a T-Bird as a T-Urd. He scored 21 out of 40 with a warning from Len to skip the skipping next time.


Spot the difference!

Kirsty Gallcher followed with an American Smooth to He's A Tramp from Disney dog-fest Lady And The Tramp. Starting with the classic 'spaghetti scene' Kirsty definitely gave the judges paws for thought this week. There was no danger of her taking the lead, but it shouldn't be all rover for her either. She's upped her pedigree and the nerves seem to be settling, but there was an error and wardrobe malfunction she couldn't cover. It threw her for the rest of the routine and left her hot under the collar. Dogged determination saw her through to the end, but the smooth was a bit stiff and lacked the necessary flow. She may still be at the tail end of the leader board however her 23 out of 40 is her highest score to date.

Popster Peter Andre  performed a passable Paso Doble to the Pirates of the Caribbean theme (that's a lot of p). Dressed as Captain Jack Sparrow, Pete seemed a little out of his Deppth this week. He tried hard with some nice attack and good character, but it was all a bit stompy and stampy with wild flailing arms instead of controlled aggression. Partner Janette Manrarararararararararara did her best to keep him in check, but this was no treasure of a dance. There was no trace of a Jolly Roger (DON'T!!) and it did little to shiver me timbers. Pete was a bit marooned and all at sea, certainly not his finest outing. The judges gave him his lowest score to date - 28 out of 40.

Jamelia came next with a stodgy salsa to Heaven Must Be Missing An Angel from the film Charlie's Angels. If Heaven is missing an angel, they won't look too hard after this routine. Jolty Jamelia was heavy-hipped and stilted throughout. There was no finish to her arm movements and no proper transitions. Messy armography, laboured links and missed steps meant the brightest thing about this routine was her canary yellow costume. She didn't make a complete Charlie of herself, but she had a Devil of a time with the timing. Maybe she needs to return to the academy. The routine scored 25 out of 40.

Journo Jeremy Vine tried to show his fun side with a Charleston to Top Hat, White Tie and Tails from Fred Astaire flick Top Hat. Even after roping in comedian brother Tim to help, Jezz was more Fred Flintstone than Fred Astaire. Although the Charleston is a flappier dance with plenty of room for fun, Jeremy was still stiff and stilted with no flair on his feet and a strange swivel like he was trying to put out a crafty fag. He lacked rhythm in parts, lost his timing and showed little togetherness with his partner. More Top Cat, Pork Pie and Ales it was a cartoonish display. This may not have been entirely intentional, but it did enough to split the judges who thought this was an accomplished enough effort and earned him a fairly impressive (for him) 24 out of 40.

Gorgeous Gleb's partner Anita Rani was next on the floor with a wonderful Viennese Waltz-based American Smooth to Unchained Melody from Ghost. Anita held the audience in her Sway(ze) with a romantic routine that was a joy to watch. The dance had plenty of mood and character, and she was all fired up to throw all she could into it. There may have been some pottering about, but there was a wheely nice move where Gleb pulled Anita across the floor underneath him (he looks better with facial hair, by the way. He's too pretty clean shaven). The judges wanted more classic American Smooth content, but it was a spirited performance that haunted the audience. A respectable 29 out of 40.

The show was brought to a dramatic finale by boy-band bopper Jay McGuinness. He gave us a jaw-dropping jive to music from Pulp Fiction. Starting with You Never Can Tell and blending seamlessly into the theme, Misirlou, this was an incredible, flawless performance. Jay's nerves had vanished as he came out with killer kicks, fantastic flicks, total togetherness and utterly on point moves. This was the Jules in the crown of the night's dances. Every move was a hit, man. There was no need for a Keitel clean-up on this routine. In fact, a friend of mine (yes, I do have them) who watched Strictly for the first time last night couldn't tell which dancer was the celebrity and, to be honest, Jay looked as good as any of the pro dancers last night. The judges were utterly blown away with the skills on show. Craig, Darcy and Len gave him very well deserved nines, but Bruno pulled out the first TEN of the season. IN WEEK THREE!! A mahoosive 37 out of 40. Let's hope Jay can keep this up - he's starting to become someone I look forward to watching each week.

And so, the final reel was over. The lights came up and the dances were done for another week. It was all down to the viewers and their incomprehensible voting.

The 'Sunday' show rolled around with much anticipation. The scores had been tallied and the bottom two celebrities were wheeled out to dance for their Strictly lives. More fake tension building with the heartbeat music - and the obligatory break for the music guest of the week (Andrea Bocceli performing Don't Cry For Me Argentina from Evita, singing it in forrin so I couldn't join in and assault HOTH's ear 'oles) - and the dunces of dance were revealed. ANTHONY OGOGO and AINSLEY HARRIOTT were up for the chop. People must be voting for Pasha rather than Carol's skills. Either that or girlfriend - and prior dance partner - Rachel Riley is holding the Countdown audience hostage and making them vote for him. Quick and very bad Countdown joke - what is Rachel Riley's favourite k d lang song? Consonant Craving (thank you very much, I'm here all week. Unfortunately).

Ainsley seemed to concentrate a bit more and actually perform some of the choreography Natalie had devised this time round. Anthony, sadly, just gave us more of the same as he did in the first performance. Sensing that he was unlikely to learn the ropes or show any improvement in the weeks to come, the judges voted unanimously that ANTHONY OGOGO should pack up and go go. The seconds were out and the round was over. Time to hang up his dancing shoes and head to the dressing room. Sadly, Anthony had never given us a knockout performance and is the second sportsman to take an early bath.

So. Two down, thirteen to go. Who's going to be unlucky next week? There's only one way to find out - KEEP DANCING!!!!

Wake me up before you Ogogo..........

No comments:

Post a Comment