No Quarter Given

 

Yes, I know you can see a bloke scoring a try but a) I like rugby and b) it was the best I could find.

Well, here we are again. Strictly Day already. Doesn't time fly when you're having fun? I say fun, I really mean working, sleeping, stressing...you know, grown up stuff. And after all that gubbins we've got Christmas in THREE WEEKS! I hope you've all got your sprouts on or they'll never be done in time. Ah, Christmas Traditions: bags of nuts you'll never eat - and don't even have a nutcracker for, anyway - half hundredweight of satsumas, seventy-five tubs of chocolate and a random bottle of Advocaat nobody even likes but you've got to get it because it's Tradition. Although you can't quite remember why.

Have you got your tree up yet? Some folk round here have had their astonishingly tacky light displays up since November 6th! Can you imagine their lecky bill? Doesn't bear thinking about! 

  

Tasteful and understated, just like me

We might do ours next weekend. We always try and find the most awful bauble or tree decoration each year. We have a dinosaur, a burger that looks like it's been in a nuclear accident and a Dalek. This year, I think we've outdone ourselves. A lurid green gherkin in a Santa hat.

Nothing says Christmas like a festive pickle

Oh, and next weekend we go on our Works' Do. I'll probably get squiffy and end up going to bed with the boss again. Ah, now, don't get too excited. By Works' Do I mean HOTH's driving school and, as he's self-employed, he's the boss. Well, that's what I let him think, anyway. 

And, of course, we only have three Strictlys left. Our Famous Five are all trying their very bestest to get into the final and a hope of grabbing the big, shiny Glitterball, prying it from reigning champ Bill Bailey's grasp. No hat-trick for Oti this year, since she was lumbered partnered with Ugo. So, who's going to be Strictly Come Dancing Champion of 2021? Let's have a look who won't be first, shall we?

We were treated to a really rather lovely pro-dance with an actual storyline featuring Oti & Greasy Arnold (Graziano) as a couple in and out of love, flashing between time with them meeting, falling in love, breaking up and meeting again. I think. It was beautifully choreographed, really romantic and touching with the pair acting their roles so well. This was all done to It's All Coming Back To Me Now sung - not by Sealion Diane - Celine Dion to everyone else - but by the massively talented, Olivier award winning Cassidy Janson. I spent quite some time after the show catching up with her work and I really recommend you do, too, if you haven't already.

John & Johannes kicked off the Quarters with a Salsa to We Are Family by Sister Sledge. Well. They certainly got the party started with this number. High energy, high octane, John was giving it large and Johannes was clearly living his absolute best life, pulling some rather odd faces, a huge grin firmly in place. There was a good amount of bounce & hip rotation in this disco style salsa and some decent footwork, John coping well with some difficult choreography. John shook what his momma gave him and did a fab knee slide reminiscent of small boys at weddings throughout the years. It was wild & abandoned full of fun, vigour and joy. There were some really tricky lifts, John tossing Johannes here, there and everywhere like he weighed as much as a fag paper. And then it all went a bit to pot. At the final lift, Johannes gave John the wrong hand and what should have been a pretty amazing presse / plank went awry. Rather than a controlled dismount, John basically dropped Johannes like a roll of carpet where he landed with a bit of a thud. Shame, as it had been good up to then. Johannes styled it out though and tried to make it look like it was done on purpose. Nice try, JoJo. A mixed bag of scores - a seven from Craig who wanted more head action and finished lines - and the pair scored 32 out of 40.

When they be-grin the Beguine

Rhys & Nancy came next with their Argentine Tango to In The Air Tonight by Phil Collins. Sadly no gorilla on the drums, which I was most disappointed by. In the VT, Rhys said 'you can't look like you're giving it too much'. Has he watched himself the past ten weeks? He's been giving it TOO too much. But this week? Who is he and what has he done with the real Rhys? Even Claudia asked 'Where has Rhys gone'? 

This was moody, intense, dark and controlled. Rhys was totally in character and really connected with Nancy this time. There were changes of pace, slowing right down then picking up speed which leant drama to the routine. His ganchos were very good - and there were a lot of them - and he showed purpose, attack, intent and a maturity we've never seen before. He nailed the Argentine tango walks - again, quite a lot of those too (the choreographers had obviously worked to Rhys' strengths) and coped well with the amazing lifts, including a spin where he held onto Nancy's neck and twazzed her around and a huge wrist-ripper. By the end Shirley and Motsi were on their feet, Motsi shouting 'TEN, TEN, TEN!', which rather spoiled the surprise. A slight missed synchronicity in the grapevines spotted by Craig (who else?) cost them a full house and they were given 39 out of 40.

Eee - lad's got some neck!

Rose & Giovanni brought us a foxtrot based American Smooth to This Will Be (An Everlasting Love) by Natalie Cole. Colour me #Team RoGio! This was simply a beautiful dance. Rose looked gorgeous and sweet in a flowing dress and her face absolutely shone with joy all through the routine. It was light, easy, flowing & flirty, Gio starting with chat up line cards a la Love Actually but less marriage-wrecking. Rose again showed great rhythm and musicality, easily coping with complex choreography and switching pace. Her frame and posture were exquisite both in and out of hold, her footwork was on point and she finished every single line. The love between the pair shines off the screen - friendship & trust love, that is - and that's what makes them a great couple. The last time someone looked at me like Gio looks at Rose I'd just given him a Bonio (that's a dog treat for the uninitiated, not anything rude). And speaking of trust - there was a jaw-dropping, breath-taking and other mixed metaphors Leap of Faith lift where Rose basically launched herself horizontally into mid-air with Gio catching her hands with split second timing to spin her around. One tiny fraction of a second out and she'd have crashed painfully to the floor. 

Shirley made the gaffe of the night, telling Rose she was impressed that she had been able to block out all the clapping & cheering for Rhys to concentrate on her dance. Erm..she's deaf Shirl. That's why she has a sign interpreter. Mind you, you could take it as Rose is so good, Shirley completely forgot about her deafness. I like to put a positive spin on things where I can. A teeny, tiny, miniscule heel turn error picked up by the Prince of Piffle Craig but the couple still scored a cracking 39 out of 40.

Team RoGio - Crazy In Love (but not like that)

Dan & Nadiya took to the floor with a Tango to Santa Maria by Gotan Project. Dan looked dapper in his striped whistle (suit) but he kinda reminded me of a spiv. I'm not convinced stripes were the way to go. Gomez Addams could pull it off but he was suave and slick. Dan...isn't. The dance started well, with a CGI taverna scene, Dan & Nadiya dancing on the furniture (they'd get kicked out of the place if they tried that round here). Dan seemed to be managing the soft bent-knee style needed for a tango and his frame looked decent. There was some decent staccato head moves and he was dancing with attack & purpose, changing pace and direction. And then it all went wrong. No idea why - maybe something went wrong we didn't spot and it put him off, maybe he forgot the steps - but it just...fell apart. He started to rise and fall instead of glide / walk, his hands were like bunches of bananas and he went totally off balance. His frame lost all shaping, his top line wobbled and he started to hunch his shoulders and lean forwards into Nadiya. It was such a shame as this could have been a decent dance for Dan - especially as it was Nadiya's first tango as a lead pro. The judges were unforgiving, with the exception of Shirley who had clearly been on the Christmas sherry awarding a flipping NINE. 31 out of 40 for the third week in a row.

Spivvy Civvy

Dan Go Tango

AJ & Kai rounded things off with a Salsa to Rhythm Is Gonna Get You / Get On Your Feet by Gloria Estefan and Miami Sound Machine (which took longer to type than the dance lasted). AJ started solo, dancing on some stairs, looking confident and in control. The dance was really fast and fierce, AJ showing great moves, fab hip action and rhythm. Again, the pair were totally in sync in the side by side sections and there was terrific energy and enthusiasm. AJ had plenty of attitude and attack, even when the song & rhythm changed halfway through. Unfortunately, the landing of the lifts was heavy, the transitions were sticky and she started to get a bit flat-footed. 

And then it all went wrong. Again. I don't know what happened last night, perhaps Quarter Final nerves, but AJ didn't seem herself after about a third of the dance. The final lift was an absolute casserole, a dance disaaaaaarster. AJ struggled to get up to Kai's shoulders, nearly fell off, then couldn't get her leg around his neck to finish the move. She ended up looking like a drunken fan in a mosh pit, trying to get on her boyfriend's shoulders for a better view. There's no doubt they should have abandoned the attempt the minute they felt it go wrong. It was sadly quite embarrassing and awkward and spoiled what had been a decent enough dance up to then. The judges had no choice but to mark them down and they finished with just 30 out of 40.

The rhythm definitely got AJ on the night

And so, after only an hour, we were done and the leader board looked like this:

Rhys & Nancy - 39

Rose & Giovanni - 39

John & Johannes - 32

Dan & Nadiya - 31

AJ & Kai - 30

Sunday rolled around, as it is wont to do. My Bonne Maman preserves advent calendar (probably the best I've ever had - and, again, no sponsorship, freebies or payment for the mention) yielded a strawberry and lemon verbena jam, which was miles nicer then the dog chocolate you get in some others. HOTH has a Playmobil Back To The Future one though, of which I am secretly jealous.

Of course, Sunday is also Results Day, which is probably why you've stuck with me so far.

We got another pro dance! Aren't we lucky? A medley of Janet Jackson tunes, big on Girl Power moves as the ladies took centre stage for most of the routine, especially Karen & newbie Jowita. Cracking street dance /funk style that got us in the mood. Well, it got me in the mood anyway.

There was the usual quick recap and behind the scenes chatter for a bit of filler.

Now, with only five couples left, you'd think it wouldn't take Tess as long. Ha! Wrong! She's fully accepted that particular challenge. The bumbedy bum music & flashing lights came on and, fifty million years later we were told the first person in the dance off was...

RHYS! Wait, what? It wasn't Rhys? Blimey. I'm so used to the poor lad being in the bottom I got carried away with me'sen. He did scream like a banshee that had won the lottery then trapped its sensitive bits in a drawer. Can't blame him, though. It must have been such a relief not to be in the dance off. Ahem. Right. Let's try that again. The first person in the dance off was...

AJ. No big surprise, really. She was the bottom of the leader board and had had a shocker of a week. And we are at that time where someone who is talented will be going home. Would this be AJ's time to go home? Or would she fix those mistakes and manage to get her leg over Kai properly. Now, now!

Up with Claudia, Rhys admitted he never thought he'd be up in the Clauditorium again. He thanked the public from the bottom of his heart and is looking forward to double dances next week.

Rose said she can't believe she's still in the competition. She was so overwhelmed she was near speechless. And we learned Gio has had 80 top mark scores of 10 over his career. Which is pretty good going.

We were treated to the tuneful trillings of  X-Factor boyband JLS, featuring former Strictly contestant Aston Merrygold - a Hobbit name if ever I heard one! Not so much a boyband now as a blokeband. Oritse taking lead vocals looked oddly like Lenny Henry's character Theophilus T Wildebeest. They still have a decent fanbase and sound as good as they ever did, singing Postcard.

In the Judges' Chat, Shirley cleared up what she'd meant saying Rose was blocked out all the noise while all the commotion was going on for Rhys - that, while Rose could see everyone on their feet, stamping, whooping & hollering, it didn't put her off. Craig gave his view and told us he'd had a very good laugh at AJ's misfortunes. As had we all.

Back to Tess and what would surely be a fairly quick announcement, seeing as there were only two couples left. And yet...No, I jest. It wasn't actually that long before we were told the second dancer in danger was...

DAN - FINALLY. Or, more accurately, Quarter Finally. He's been very popular with the public and there was a lot of talk about him not only getting to the final, but winning the whole competition on Viewer Vote, just like Chris Hollins a few years ago. That would have put the feline amongst the avians. I think some forums would have exploded.

Le Chat sat on The Chat

Claud spoke to the last safe couple, John & Johannes. It was quite emotional, John telling Johannes he loved him, Johannes saying it was the best year he's ever had and he loved John, too. I'm so, so glad they've made it through.

In the 'how you can catch up with Strictly while it's not on' bit there was an awfully prophetic part with AJ & Kai where she was pretending to be checking the social meeja pages and Kai told her 'If you don't want our dance to look socially awkward, we'd better get training'. Mystic Meg eat your heart out.

Dance off time and Dan took to the floor first. He'd tidied up some of the errors and tightened up his frame but there was still some rise and fall and banana hands. AJ had cleaner landings and the final lift actually worked. A mad spinning splits cartwheel thing. Which makes me wonder if they'd changed or simplified it to make sure it did. Hmmm. We shall never know.

Both couples were done and dusted. Nothing more they could do but wait on the judges' verdict. Who was going to get the thumbs down and be hanging up their dancing shoes? Well, the panel were unanimous in their verdict and the celebrity going home was...

DAN

Ah, well he had a good run and did much, much better than people imagined. He tried his best, he put the hours in and, more importantly, he enjoyed himself. And you can't say fairer than that.

We're down to The Fab Four for next week and it will be all stops out to get to the Final. Who will it be? Tune in next week to find out. Until then Strictly chums...KEEP DANCING!

Do do do do do do do, do do do do doooo.

WHAM, BAM, THANK YOU DAN!

Snow, Snow, Quick, Quick Snow

Hello again, Strictly peeps. I hope you're all safe and well in the teeth of Storm Arwen? It's properly blawin' a hoolie, isn't it? No snow near me on Saturday, thank goodness. Can't stand the flipping stuff. Looks pretty for five minutes then quickly deteriorates into a soggy, miserable mess. A bit like me on a night out on the Long Island Iced Teas. Of which we will speak no more.

I'm just glad our boiler is fixed. It was bad enough on Wednesday - I was sitting on the couch wrapped in a Sherpa fleece, two blankets, one of the cats and a blow heater. And I was still cold. If it had have gone on the blink this weekend I'd have just taken to my bed with every duvet we own and hibernated, ringing a little bell every now & again for HOTH to bring me hot Vimto and soup. Brrrr. 'Do you want to build a snowman?' No, bugger off you weirdo!

Oh, yes! You know what I was saying about Cynthia Erivo can come again? Well, she has! Now it's Motsi who's having to isolate after coming into close contact with Covid 19 and Cynthia is sitting in for her. Craig last week, Motsi this week. Is Cynthia working her way down the panel? If I were Shirl I'd be dousing meself in Dettol, just in case. One can't be too careful about these things.

And so to Saturday. Our high-stepping half dozen are inching ever closer to the final and in sight of the prize. Albeit at this stage they'd have to use a pair of high power binoculars, mind. There's going to be fewer and fewer places to hide the errors and missteps, and Craig will be pouncing on every single one without mercy. Pasos will need to be polished, tangos tightened and rumbas robustly rehearsed if the dancers want a chance of being in the final. Which, of course, they all do. That's the point of Strictly, isn't it? At least the ones who are left.

No theme this week - I think we're done with those - and so it's back to normal (as normal as you can get with triple-layer spray tans, sequins & Spandex anyway) with the tunes, costumes, hair & makeup. So, what went on? Well...I feel so unsure, as I take your hand and lead you to the dancefloor......come on then, what are you waiting for?

Rose & Giovanni kicked off proceedings with a Paso Doble to California Dreamin' - the version by Sia. Ironic that she's called Sia (Alanis Morrisette take note) when she can't 'see ya' with her barnet.

Sia - wouldn't wanna be ya

Are the producers trying to finish me off? Giovanni, shirtless with high-waisted paso pants and guyliner? I mean, come on. Won't someone think of my blood pressure? Where was I? Oh yes. The dance. This was a corker of a routine, full of power, passion and fire. Rose looked stunning in a backless black dress with suitably swishy skirt (try saying that Chris Eubank) and had even gemmed her hearing aid for extra sparkle She coped really well with some tricky choreography - nobody can accuse Giovanni of taking it easy on her - with a confident start on her own at the opening with a hand-fan and a good flamenco break section. There was plenty of attack, attitude and passion, with fantastic chemistry between the pair. Rose brings a different character every week probably a first for a soap actor and this week was no different. Her poise and shaping were good, although she needed to be more broad through the arms and shoulders at times and could have done with a bit more tension through her body. The footwork was decent, though, apart from a little stumble at the end. Craig was back this week and, boy, was he in a bad mood, criticising the choreography as being too much 'walking backwards & forwards'. He's got to remember Rose is profoundly deaf and can't hear the music, so Gio choreographs for that. I enjoyed it anyway - and the couple still scored a decent 33 out of 40, with Cynthia signing to Rose again. All the judges should learn some, if you ask me.

The Terms & Conditions were read out by the Top Gear presenters Freddie Flintoff, Paddy McGuinness & Chris Harris. Gods help any viewers from the USA with Freddie & Paddy's accents. I have trouble understanding them and I was born about eight and a half miles away from Paddy. They need subtitles!

Dan & Nadiya were up next with a Rumba to Desperado by The Eagles. Which wasn't as desperado as I'd feared. Yes, I'm a Rumba Refusenik. It's not my favourite dance. It probably comes after The Birdie Song and I Am The Music Man in my order of preference. Just under the Cha Cha Slide. The music suited the dance, though. Just not very sexy or romantic. Which is maybe a good thing since Dan isn't a sexy man. Well, I mean, not like brooding, sensuous sexy like Gio or Danny Mac for instance. His wife obviously adores him. It wasn't a bad stab at a rumba, although the routine was a little safe and low on content. Dan's long limbs made him seem graceful, finishing his lines beautifully, to the very tips of his fingers. Nadiya did most of the work as Dan plodded about at times, a little stiff with no hip action to speak of. Well, Shirley said it was 'there but subtle'. Subtle? I'll say. The bloody Hubble telescope wouldn't have been able to see it. It sounds weird, but he smiled too much. The rumba isn't a smiley dance. He looked at Nadiya like a dad dancing with his daughter at Nana's 80th birthday party at The Con Club, putting a further kibosh on any air of sensuality or romance. The pair split the judges - grumpy Craig going low and Cynthia unfathomably scoring a NINE (she must have been watching a different dance). The couple scored 31 out of 40 for the second week running.

Dan & Nadiya get a wiggle on

AJ & Kai followed with their Couple's Choice to You Make Me Feel by Janelle Monae. Jumping Jehoshaphat on a space-hopper! This dance was A-MA-ZING-U-LOUS! AJ looked sassy, classy and sexy in a tiny, fringed green dress and legs that went on for miles. She danced her bloody socks off. The choreography was tricky, with changes of pace and style, spins, lifts, leaps, bends, twists, kicks, samba hips, Fosse steps - even sliding down Kai's leg at one point. The dance screamed sexuality (Dan take note), chemistry, passion and wanton abandon (which isn't leaving your Chinese starter, apparently. AJ was on top form, wonderfully confident, dancing on her own and in hold, staring down the camera like she was daring us to stop her. The pair were perfectly in sync throughout, even when they were dancing apart. AJ's timing spot on, she nailed every step, move and turn. Near the end she leapt a good six feet from the table prop into Kai's arms in breath-taking move that showed trust and commitment. If I'd have tried that I'd have ended up in traction and we'd have to get search parties out for HOTH's spine. One of the dances of the night without a doubt. A properly impressed panel awarded them 36 out of 40.

Kai nicked this move from HOTH & my last night out on the razz

Rhys & Nancy brought us a Waltz to You Light Up My Life by Whitney Houston. My word, I think Rhys had finally got the memo! It's only taken him ten weeks. He was much more contained and controlled in this dance than any of his previous showings. His frame was good and there was lots of lovely rise and fall. He actually connected with Nancy, which made the dance seem more romantic and emotional. There was a nice fleckerl and Rhys flowed across the floor, rather than the usual jolty, jerky action we've seen from him before. It wasn't perfect - he didn't close his feet properly and seemed to lose the lead at times. There was a lack of drive through the feet and his bum stuck out too much. He completed all his lines, though, and he had good shaping. Rhys burst into tears at the end - I didn't think it was that bad, love. Ah, no. He was just really overwhelmed and it sounded like he'd had a tough week of it, too. You'll get no snark from me for a bloke showing his emotions. More of it, I say. When he got to the Clauditorium and was shown a video from his grandparents in The Cayman Islands, the poor lad was a snotty, sobbing mess. Another split in the judging, with Craig being a bit disappointed and Shirley massively over-scoring with a 10. 35 out of 40 scored.

Tilly & Nikita took to the floor with a Samba to Levitating by Dua Lipa. I'm never sure if that's her name or an instruction. And just what is a Sugar Boo? A sweet ghost? This wasn't Tilly's best dance, I'm afraid. She started off well, giving it shimmy, welly and bounce, confidently starting alone. She had some attack and her voltas were pretty good but something was just a bit off. Well, her timing for one thing, but the overall feel of the dance wasn't quite the party it's meant to be. Tilly's hip action and rotation were lacking and she made a few footwork errors. The content and steps were difficult, mind, and I wondered if Nikita had bitten off more than Tilly could chew. The energy was missing and she seemed to run out of stamina towards the end (I'd have run out of energy 10 seconds in). Her arms were a bit messy and flingy, lines were not quite finished and she had choppy feet. Dad Gordon was in tears again at the end. I hope it was pride rather than his comment on the dance. The judges weren't terribly impressed either with Tilly & Nikita getting just 30 out of 40.

John & Johannes ended the night with an Argentine Tango to The 5th by David Garrett - which is basically a funked up (I said FUNKED up. Honestly, you people) Beethoven's Fifth on a violin. I looked him up on that there YouTube (David Garrett, not Beethoven). How does he not get all his long hair tangled in the violin strings? He looks like a washed Kurt Cobain, too. 

Oh. My. Goodness. This dance! I had to watch it all over again on Sunday morning just to make sure I hadn't dreamed it. What a performance - and he had definitely upped his game. It was hot, steamy, passionate, dare I say erotic? Well, I just did so nerr. John was powerful, masterful and in charge, lifting Johannes with ease. The dance was packed with content and he coped magnificently with it all - from solo ganchos, to cadenas, ochos, cuatros and chasses. There were reverse lunges, open turns and a few gloriously controlled rond de jambe par terre, with John describing a semi-circle on the floor with pointed toes. No, I totally didn't Google those terms. Nu-uh, not me M'lord. This dance was dynamic, intense, and fierce. The chemistry was charged and had more than a hint of danger. Any hotter and they'd have had to call the fire brigade. Honestly, for a pre-watershed dance it had me reaching for the fan. Asombroso. A near perfect 39 out of 40. Boo, Craig. Boo.

Then, as if by magic, it was all over for another night. The panel's points meant that the leader board looked like:

John & Johannes - 39

AJ & Kai - 36

Rhys & Nancy - 35

Rose & Giovanni - 33

Dan & Nadiya - 31

Tilly & Nikita - 30

Rose & Giovanni 

The voting lines opened and it was down to the public (a lot of whom should be supervised when casting their votes, in my opinion) to decide who would be dumped this week.

Sunday dawned bright and cold, later deciding to snow. Oh, great <sarcastic voice>. You know my feeling on the stuff. It's freezing cold, gets you soaking and it's slippy. And don't get me started on snowmen. They're always disappointing.

                                

                                            The expectation                            The Reality

We kicked off with a Pro dance to a medley of 'The Model' by Kraftwerk and 'Don't Go' by Yazoo. Very...futuristic. Let's just say I know why there was no tin foil in Asda a while back. Some funky CGI cyber dudes joined in for a bit. All Barbarella meets Bacofoil.

There was a brief recap of the dances, then Dawdling Daly did her dilatory duty in trying to make the announcements as slow as possible. If it were an Olympic event she'd be a shoo-in for gold. Hell, they'd have to make a Rhodium medal (most expensive precious metal on the planet - remember that for the next pub quiz) just for her. Many bumbedy-bums of 'tense' music later, we finally learned that the first dancer in the danger zone was

RHYS. Again. They must be keeping him a seat warm in the Danger Zone. How many times is this now? At least three, by my count, I reckon. Although Jamelia holds the record by being in the bottom two a whopping FIVE times before she got the boot. I read earlier that Rhys really struggled to get to grips with the slower and more restrained waltz than his previous hyper dances. He's also been subject to a lot of self-doubt about his skills and popularity with the adult viewers. So finding he was in the bottom two again must have been crushing.

Up to the Clauditorium, Dan - who probably couldn't believe his luck - said 'sounds a bit ridiculous' when Claudia said he was a Quarter Finalist. You're not kidding, mate. It's what most of us are thinking.

John & Johannes gave a huge thank you to the people who had choreographed the routine for them, which is always lovely. John told us he thanks his costume as well, but tells it that it belongs to Strictly, to keep him grounded. Whatever floats your boat, sweetheart.

Years and Years (no I'm not describing Tess' bit) voiced by the terrific Olly Alexander brought the night's vocal entertainment with Sweet Talker. Interesting choice of outfit that made him look a bit like a Rubik's Snake from the 1980s. 

I'll say it again. Watch. It's. A. Sin. A really most incredible series packed to the gills with fantastic performances from the cast, not least young Mr Alexander as Ritchie. I might watch it again myself. I'll keep the tissues handy this time.

We had the usual chat with the judges - I wasn't paying much attention to this, if I'm honest. I was too busy putting the treacle tart in the oven and thinking about pouring myself a small 'lemonade'. They don't really say much more than they do after the dances so I make myself Useful until they've finished gabbing.

You know what Tess is like by now, so I won't labour the point. Book it took her a good 63 seconds to tell us that the second celebrity in the dance off was...

TILLY. Ah, the poor lass. Another third-timer in the bottom two. From leader board laureate last week, to languishing on low scores from the judges and lack of love from the viewers. But, to be fair, she didn't have a great night on Saturday and we're getting to the point in the competition where everyone who goes home will be good. At least, this year. We all know in the past that some HOW ARE THEY STILL HERE celebs have been sniffing around near the end of their series. She probably expected it, to be honest.

Up to the Chatterpillar and AJ was beside herself. Well, she was beside Kai, but you know what I mean. Kai did some more of his 'impressions'. I wouldn't give up the day job, if I were him. I do a better Craig than he does.

Rose was emotional as she spoke about getting through, but was giggling soon after as Gio showed us his training face, complete with rapid blinking - and when she told us about her gran trying to blag a free haircut by dropping Rose's name. It didn't work but you can't blame her for trying.

And so to the dance off itself. Rhys had a good showing, not letting the nerves and disappointment get to him. Mind you, he's had a lot of Dance Off practice. His footwork was a bit better and the errors smoothed over - his bum still stuck out a mile, though.

Tilly had been advised by Craig to add more sass. She tried, bless her, but it looked like she was still self conscious about it. Nikita whipped his shirt off - desperate for a vote maybe - which promptly tangled in his mic cable and hung off him like a floral familiar. Not a good look. Tilly had tightened up some of the mistakes and had improved as well, so would the panel have difficulty deciding?

The judges deliberated, cogitated and digested. And then they decided who was going home, as well. But not for very long (Ooooh get me starting two sentences with a conjunction! Rebel without a clause, me.) as they unanimously voted that the dancer who wouldn't be making it to the quarter finals was

TILLY

She did very well to get to this stage of the competition and was better than a lot of people thought she would be. Probably better than SHE thought she would be, I reckon. She's a bloody sight better than Dan Walker is for a start. He's got to be on borrowed time, surely? I mean, look at who's left! If he's saved again over someone like AJ, John or Rose next  there's something rotten in the state of Strictly. But, I have no say, do I? It's those dang viewers keeping him in. I might need to have Words.

And there we were for another week. Six becomes five and it's Quarter Finals time next Saturday. Things are starting to get Serious and it's even closer to Christmas. So, see you then, dance fans - and remember......

KEEP DANCING

Un-Tilly next time, folks

Singalong A Strictly

 

Well. Here we are again, dance fans. Another week, another plethora of pasos, quantities of quicksteps and a fu...fudge ton of foxtrots. But not as many as we started with, of course. The waltzing wheat has gradually been separated from the cha cha chaff and we're down to the lucky seven remaining couples. Unusually for Strictly, the duffers seems to have been dispensed with in good time and there have been no WHAT WERE THEY THINKING eliminations. Yet. Not long now to see who will be hoisting the glitterball aloft as Strictly Champions of 2021. I bet Karim still tries to run on stage to congratulate the winners, and he's not even in it this year.

And so it's Musicals Week. Another theme shoehorned in to keep us watching. With any luck, we'll have not only heard of the shows but know the songs as well. I hope you all join in with the chorus and annoy your neighbours. That's my plan, anyway, after having to listen to ours twanging his banjo for hours. And no, that's not a euphemism. I'm just glad the harmonica phase was short-lived otherwise I'd be blogging this from Broadmoor.

So, what did happen? Come with me, and you'll see, there's a world of pure elimination...see, I've started already.

The evening got off to an extremely promising start with the opening Pro dance to Cabaret. My evening was quite made when Gio came out in a full face of make up and a mesh top under a waistcoat. As Jane Austen was fond of saying, I was quite undone. They really should put a warning on before stuff like this. Mind you, as a menopausal woman I could blame the sudden rush of blood to my face as a hot flush. Oh, yes. There were other dancers there too, all performing a Charleston-esque routine that was really good to watch. Oti was a firecracker as Sally Bowles and the dance was good fun. Unless you know how the film ends, of course.

Motsi's hair do was ENORMOUS this week! She looked like Crystal Tips (from the 70s kids' TV show of the same name) was trying to smuggle Alistair the dog into the studio. She looked EPIC!

There was no Craig this week, as he tested positive for Covid and was probably watching in his 'jamas at home with a Lemsip (other cold remedy drinks are available). Instead, we had the mega-talented, multi award winning Cynthia Erivo taking Craig's seat. I am REALLY looking forward to seeing her in the film version of Wicked. Fun fact #1 - the end note of Defying Gravity makes me cry every single time I hear it. Properly sung, I mean. Not Doris from down the Legion on a Saturday night singing. I don't know why or how it sets me off but that high E6 comes out and BOOM. Snotfest. And yes, I did have to Google what the note was.

Anyway, where was I? Oh, right. Strictly.

AJ & Kai kicked off the night Waltz to Edelweiss from The Sound of Music. I am still scarred by The Sound of Music after having to watch it every day as a kid for about a million and five weeks (okay it was six) after my - very much loved & missed - nana found out how to work the video player. That and Live & Let Die have me rocking in a corner. 

I almost forgot to take notes watching this dance. It was captivating. AJ looked stunning in a beautiful blue & white lace dress, with Kai dressed like Captain Von Trapp. This was a very stripped back waltz, looking simple but it was anything but. Kai pushes AJ every week and she puts the hours in to learn. The dance was lyrical, smooth, flowing and graceful. AJ finished all her lines beautifully, her frame was near perfection and her footwork exquisite. There was lots of content - whisks, fall-aways and contra-checks. AJ showed wonderful musicality & rhythm, and there was the requisite rise and fall. The chemistry between the pair was palpable and at the end both were very emotional. A very good opening to the show and earned 38 out of 40. The highest for a waltz in the series so far.

By the way, Cynthia can guest-judge any time for me. She was fair, knowledgeable, gave great feedback and scored appropriately - not your Donny / Alfonso 10s, 10s, 10s across the board for just coming out onto the dance floor. Heck, they probably gave the floor crew 10s for cleaning up the streamers & glitter - although those would be deserved.

Rhys & Nancy were up next with a  Jive to Footloose from...well, Footloose. I still can't listen to this without thinking of the karaoke episode of kids' (yeah, right) TV programme Regular Show. Another one for you to check out online. But, yeah, another frantic hyper energy style dance for Rhys. Had he finally listened to the judges and reined himself in? Had he 'eck as like. 

Right from the start this was - again - frenetic, frantic, frenzied. It's like he only has two gears - stop and full speed ahead. He gets so carried away with himself he doesn't actually perform a dance. Just gets on the dance floor, does the steps at a million miles an hour, taking up as much space as physically can, basically showing off. It was very fast and had loads of content, including knee slides and leaps, but his lack of control meant his feet were flat, his kicks loose and his retractions weak. He was ahead of the music & beat almost from the start, he was out of sync with Nancy and he made a few errors even Tess noticed. It wasn't a good showing and I bet Rhys was glad Craig was absent so he didn't get a total mauling. A low - for Rhys - 32 out of 40 scored.

It's not only Rhys who doesn't get the point - his feet don't either

Tom & Amy performed a Couple's Choice to On My Own from Les Miserables - or The Glums as it's known in our house. Cracking musical, great tunes but a proper downer of a play. I suppose the clue's in the title. Hasn't stopped me seeing it three times, mind. We learned in the VT that our Tom actually went to musical theatre school and trod the boards as Oliver - and also met his now wife there when they were 13. Tom broke down crying as he spoke about his sister, which made quite a few people think she had sadly passed. Thankfully, this isn't the case and she is in the West End performing. So, not quite sure what the tears were for but, then again, I'm an only child so have no sibling frame of reference. HOTH has three brothers & step-siblings though and he said he wouldn't start skriking about them at the drop of a hat.

I'm waffling on as I want to avoid taking about the dance - but I can't keep putting it off. It was a bit of a car-crash of a contempowaft. Both bare-footed (their soles were filthy by the end), they wafted about, waving their arms about, ducking up and down, grabbing & releasing. It was all a bit stage school and...well...forgettable. Tom had a 'smell the fart' look on his face throughout, while Amy did most of the dance heavy lifting. There was an impressive floating neck spin, but that was about it. It was too controlled, not fluid & free and it seemed like Tom was just going through the motions, rather than performing or believing in the dance. The judges agreed and he scored a low (for Week 9) 31 out of 40). Not even a, frankly very weird, VT from Russell Crowe saved the outing.

Rose & Giovanni followed with a Quickstep to Love Is An Open Door from Frozen. I am extremely proud to say I have never watched Frozen all the way through. Hearing wannabes - or should that be Elsa-bes -  screech their way through Let It Go on karaoke is bad enough. Or, as one Party Princess we saw in Bolton sang, Lerrit Gorr. A marked improvement on the original if you ask me. Just not my kind of film, Besides which, that annoying bloody snowman would get the heat gun treatment from me. 

Apart from Gio's odd centre-parted hair, this was my favourite dance of the night. From signing the speaking parts of the song to the final (mis)step this was an absolute joy to watch. It was just great fun and you could tell the pair had a whale of a time dancing it. It was light, slick and stylish with changes of pace that Rose wasn't fazed by. Tons of tricky content - spins, turns, skips, even The Robot at one point! There was fabulous story-telling, character and chemistry and the choreography was exciting to watch. A rare error by Gio tripping near the end stopped them from getting full marks and they scored 37 out of 40. So cute to see Rose reassuring Gio in the Clauditorium that he'd done well and not to worry about the mistake!

John & Johannes were up next with a Viennese Waltz to Chim Chim Cheree from Mary Poppins. MP again? Does someone in Strictlyland have shares in the film? Every flipping year someone dances to a tune from the show. There's LOADS more musicals out there. Though I suppose something from Jerry Springer, The Musical would get Complaints with a Capital C. Still, I wish they'd give it a year off. It didn't help that the Beeb put the sodding film on right before Strictly, either. I have to say, this wasn't John's best dance this week. Dressed as a chimney sweep - obviously - there was a lot of fanoogling (mucking about) with chimney brushes at the beginning, in the middle, at the end...you get the picture. It was decent enough - John is the only dancer who switches between leading and being led, which is very tricky, especially mid-fleckerl like he did during this routine. He may have been put off by singer Tommy's Cock-er-nee accent, which was only marginally better than Dick Van Dyke's effort in the film. It was pretty fast for a Viennese with loads of spins and turns. John finished all his lines nicely and he'd put a lot of work into his posture, frame & shaping. The transitions between moves was good and the dance flowed fairly well. There was a lack of glide across the floor and a few foot faults which the judges picked John up on. Their feedback was generally positive - they just want to see him perform more, and differently, in his dances to bring more light & shade. 32 out of 40 scored.

Not even I can resist posting a Dick pic

 

Tilly & Nikita brought us the night's second Couple's Choice to Revolting Children from Matilda. I need to see this musical. I love Tim Minchin - I've actually been in arm's length of him when we saw him as Judas in Jesus Christ Superstar. Alright, Mr Tickle's arm length but you get my drift. Disappointingly, Nikita did NOT dress as Miss Trunchbull, which missed a trick as far as I'm concerned. No, they were dressed as stereotypical school-kids. BORING! Neither the musical they chose or the costumes were a great stretch of the imagination. Now, according to the VT, Tilly's dad is...GORDON RAMSAY! I know, right? Shocker. Nobody's ever mentioned that before 😒. 

I'm not quite sure what the judges were watching, but I don't think it was the same thing as me. Look, I know I'm not a dance expert - and Couple's Choice ones are especially hard for an amateur to critique - but I know what I like and this wasn't it. I think it was Street Dance, but it just seemed like a load of running about, stomping, jumping on furniture and gurning. There didn't seem to be a lot of dance content. Yes, there was bags of energy. Yes, there was a cartwheel. Yes there was a Trust Drop. But it was all...meh, to me. The timing was good, Tilly was in sync with Nikita and her stamina has improved a lot since the beginning. I'm sure it was a lot of fun, if you like that kind of thing. But Shirley's comment that she couldn't tell which of the pair was the pro dancer was risible and seemed disingenuous. Maybe Gordo had paid off the panel because the dance was way overmarked with a full house 40 out of 40.

We don't need no education - we need a decent dance

Dan & Nadiya closed the night with a Charleston to Good Morning from Singin' In The Rain. If you want to see a really good dance to Singin' In The Rain, check out Spiderman's Tom Holland on Lip Sync Battle and wait for the segue. Trust me on this. 

Dapper Dan's dance was decent enough. There was a decent amount of content and it was energetic and lively. There could have been more swivel (which Craig no doubt would have mentioned) and attack in the moves, but he stayed in sync with Nadiya in the side by side sections and enjoyed himself while he was doing it. The lifts were good - quite challenging, too - and a nice little Fosse flair break that mixed things up a bit. He did a roly-poly on the sofa, something I haven't done since I was about six. I'd do myself a mischief trying something like that now and I'm only 5 feet tall, not eleventy billion foot tall like Dan. There did seem to be quite a bit of ploddy walking about at times where Dan looked a little unsure of himself, and he needs to finish his lines properly and watch his free arm. More overmarking from Shirley (a 9 for flip's sake) meant Dan finally broke the 30 barrier on his 'Journey' (thanks for pointing that out Tony) and he was given 31 out of 40.

And that was that. The curtain came down on Musicals week and we all went home for tea. The scores on the doors were:

Tilly & Nikita - 40

AJ & Kai - 38

Rose & Giovanni - 37

John & Johannes - 32

Rhys & Nancy - 32

Tom & Amy - 31

Dan & Nadiya - 31

Which, as we know, means the square root of bugger all one the viewers have voted.

Sunday dawned bright and very cold (cold in winter - who'd have thunk?). Meanwhile, in Strictlyland the votes had been counted and the pairs in peril were known. Last night, to be honest, but let's play along.

With a risk of being suitably terrified by The Weeping Angels in Doctor Who (I know it was on before Strictly but we were saving it) - the episode Blink where they were first introduced is probably the best one EVER in the show's history - I needed something a bit more sedate in the interim. Like Tess' announcements, for instance. I mean, she's meant to be building the tension, I get that. I just end up shouting 'I say, old girl. Would you mind awfully increasing your pace, just the tiniest amount? Thank you ever so much'. Or words to that effect. I might use one or two  that are usually represented by asterisks in print. The sixth letter of the alphabet gets quite the outing. Ahem.

We were treated to ANOTHER Pro dance opener, with routine to....Defying Gravity. I was OK though - the end note was nothing like a high E6 (still about 7 octaves higher than I can hit, though). Fully green Elpheba and glittery Ga-lind-a - if you've seen it, you'll know what I'm on about. Wafting, waving, flying. It had it all.

There was the obligatory recap and backstage comments. Then in roughly about the same time as it would take to walk to Saturn we finally learned that

RHYS was in the dance off. Not a great surprise, given the dog's dinner of a dance he'd delivered earlier. I mean last night. He has fans with the CBBC viewers, but he doesn't seem to have a similar following with the Strictly voters. He was obviously disappointed with his performance and landing in the dance off put the tin hat on it, as my grandad used to say. He tried to put a brave face and positive spin, but he looked crushed, bless him.

Tilly was up first for the Chatterpillar, which must be a nice change for her. She's been in the dance off a few times - sometimes undeservedly. She must have been relieved to have been saved first.

AJ was still emotional and buzzing - even after 24 hours 😉. Kai did his impressions of Anton & Shirley. I don't think Rory Bremner will be losing much sleep, but it was a bit of fun.

There was a guest slot from Max Harwood and The Feeling performing Out of the Darkness from the really rather good Everyone's Talking About Jamie. Loosely based on a true story, it's about a young lad from Sheffield who dreams about becoming a drag queen. Max starred in the film version as well, if you want to check it out, with a singing Sarah Lancashire & Richard E Grant in a frock. A couple of the spare pros lolloped about for a bit but, unfortunately, none in drag. Though that might have finished me off after Gio's cabaret turn-out.

The judges did their bit, expanding some on their earlier comments. It's still not my favourite bit, but I suppose they have to fill the time with stuff other than the elimination bit. Cynthia was refreshing, though, giving her insights as a performer. She can come again.

And do back down to Tess who......could......now......reveal.....that......the......second......person......in......the......dance.....off.....was.... 

<pause of the same duration of the Hundred Years War in slow motion>

TOM. Again, not a surprise. Down at the bottom of the leader board and, while he had scored one more point than Dan, the TV presenter appears to have a bigger fan-base. Probably all the 'aw bless him, he's a lovely chap' Breakfast Brigade who vote for who they like even if they'd have had a lie down mid routine, thrown a toddler tantrum and flicked bogeys at Dave Arch And His Wunnerful Orchestra. Tom took it on the chin and Cynthia gave him some really encouraging words.

Back with Claudia, Gio and Rose were like a pair of Labrador puppies, Rose doing impressions of his teaching faces and him saying 'Lovely Jubbly' which was a bit weird.

Dan has apparently had a curry named after him and can sing as well as dance. Saying that, if he sings like he dances, I'll take a rain-check, thanks.

John & Johannes were evidently relieved they'd been saved & John has promised to try to take the judges' comments on board.

And the dance off? Rhys had actually dialled it down a bit and showed some restraint. The errors had been ironed out, he stayed in sync and tightened up the kicks and flicks. A better performance all round. If only he'd remember how to control himself next week.

Tom tried to be more emotive and expressive. It worked to a degree, and there was a touch more light, shade and layers, but I still wasn't impressed by the choreography itself. Too......stop, start, stilted.

All was done. The fickle finger of fate lay with the judges. And it didn't take them long to decide to ditch.....

TOM - although Shirley said she would have booted Rhys instead. Perhaps to make Tom feel better, perhaps to put a rocket under Rhys to finally pay attention to the notes he's given. Who knows. It was an emotional farewell, especially from Amy who was in bits. It seems like Tom has been her favourite partner so far, and she loves his family too.

And that was that. We're down to the last half-dozen and the sharp end of the competition. Not long now before we'll crown our champion. Until next week, dahlings.....

KEEP DANCING!

McFly Me To The Moon - Tom departs the dance floor

Back To Blog

 

Well hello again, dance fans. How are we all? Sorry for the radio silence but there's been a lot of Stuff (with a capital S) going on over the last few weeks. First Katherine Ryan (hilarious), HOTH* & I's wedding anniversary (mucky weekend away in stunning Barmouth at the amazing Lawrenny Lodge) and our son's 16th birthday (The Ivy - we spoil that kid, we do). Other grown-up life things as well, which I won't go into detail about here - suffice to say it has been a bit head-pecky and a bit of a bother). Hopefully, things are on the upturn as we hurtle downhill to Christmas like the Jamaican bobsled team in Cool Runnings, only without John Candy and an egg. If you've seen it, you'll know what I'm on about.

Without my weekly blog outlet, HOTH has got rather fed up of me blurting out which dance I think would go with which song on the radio. Take Me Out by Franz Ferdinand? Tango. Sign Your Name by Terence Trent D'arby (as he was known back then)? Rumba. I must admit I did struggle a wee bit with Mr Blobby - but that's what Couples' Choice is for, right?

So, I've finally caught up on Strictly and we are now sans:

Luvvie Greg 'Mr Emma Thompson' Wise

Jolly Loose Woman Judi Love

Rugby rogue Ugo Monye

Peachy Adam Peaty

From what I saw, most of these were the right viewer choice, but some of the - shall we say less talented ones - are still in. See - popularity vote. You could tromp around the floor like the drunken back end of a pantomime horse and still stay in if the folks at home like you enough. And we've all seen that in action, haven't we?

John Sergeant - is that you & Ann Widdecombe in there?

And now I'm up to speed, shall we crack on with this week's show? Why not. Put down your drink of choice, lace up your dancing shoes and let's hit the dancefloor.

Our Grateful Eight all have their sights set on next Saturday's Musical Week - no Blackpool again this year (booo) - and want to stay in to find out which tired old hackneyed rehash of a previous year song and dance they're going to get lumbered with. If John & Johannes aren't dancing to something from Everybody's Taking About Jamie I'm taking my knitting and going home. And I don't even knit. So it was all to play for, theirs to lose and other mixed metaphors.

Straight into the swing of things, Tess came out looking like a Bury Black Pudding & Claud seemed to have hoofed it from the school run. Motsi didn't get the memo that it wasn't Fancy Dress Week an opted to come as a yellow highlighter pen.

 

Full markers for effort, Motsi

Tilly & Nikita opened the show with a Quickstep to I Won't Dance by Damita Jo. Won't dance? I thought that was the point of the whole show? Inexplicably in the dance off last week, the pair hoped to put that behind them with another high energy routine. And they did - kind of. Starting with some Charleston steps & moves that were fun and novel (for a Quickstep), Tilly danced with more confidence this week. Maybe it was the birthday surprise she had had in training, or her dad Gordon in the audience chewing gum, she seemed to have more energy and sparkle. There was some good characterisation and she was fairly light on her feet at the start, covering the floor and chucking in reverse promenades for good measure. Unfortunately, there were a couple of missed steps and trips and she got out of sync with Nikita on more than one occasion. Her footwork got sloppy as her stamina waned (it'd be more than my feet that would get sloppy if I tried a Quickstep) and her frame wobbled, not being quite far left enough for Anton. Not a bad score of 29 out of 40 from the judges, including an 8 from Anton.

AJ & Kai  followed with a paso to Game of Survival by Ruelle. Just a quick note. I flipping love AJ's mum. She's an utter star in her own right, scoffing pizza while watching her daughter and remaining fairly unimpressed. The lady's a legend. So. AJ & Kai. After their spectacular Charleston last week - which was absolutely one of the best of all time - the pair had a lot to live up to. Maybe it was nerves, maybe last week's score, who knows, but the dance felt, and looked, really...flat. There was some flamenco armography, but not nearly enough and the classic Spanish lines were missing. We did get some impressive bits - a perfectly timed death drop, and Kai flinging AJ around like HOTH putting me to bed after a few 'lemonades' - but there wasn't quite the drive, attack, intent & passion I'd been expecting. AJ seemed tense, meaning her frame was too stiff and she looked like she was resisting Kai rather than being led by him. She coped well with the changes of pace, the chasses and skirt swishing, but I was a bit disappointed. The frock didn't help either. Poor AJ looked like she was wearing a glittery merkin, as well as tripping up on the bloody thing. A leader board tumbling 28 out of 40 scored.

Stop merkin about & get on with it, AJ!

Dan & Nadiya came next with an American Smooth to King of The Road - The Proclaimers' version. Fun fact - HOTH & I's second dance at our wedding was I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)  by the Tunesome Twins. It's not unknown for me to strut my stuff (badly) if it comes on at The Disco. Disclaimer - I never go to discos a) because I'm too old and b) they don't exist anymore. A family do though? There's no stopping me. 

This week Dan was back in ballroom, complete with tails and a cane, trying to recreate the Hollywood era. With his long limbs, Dan is better suited to the ballroom dances and it gives him some elegance. This was the dance that split the judges and almost caused a kick off between Craig and Motsi - my money would be on Ms Mabuse. There was a bit of faffin' abaht on the stage bit, as Len used to say, and some nice Fosse bits. Dan was soft through the knees - which I'm assured is a good thing - and his frame was quite decent. His footwork was nice & clean, he coped with some tricky steps and the lifts weren't bad on the whole, considering he had to get Nadiya a long way up. Dan gave a bit of a weird Jerry Maguire Mission Statement speech at the end, having a dig at the ringers, which was unnecessary. With the scoring, Craig said there wasn't enough swing & sway for him (personally, I agree) and he gave a measly 4. The lady judges disagreed, both awarding 8 and Anton went completely bonkers and gave the couple a 9 leaving himself nowhere to go when the obviously much better dancers were to follow. 29 out of 40 scored altogether.

Rhys & Nancy came out with a Charleston to The Charleston. Bet they struggled to come up with that song title. At last - a dance made for Rhys' boundless overenthusiastic and uncontrolled energy and wildly flailing arms. No tricky frame to maintain either. The McFly song over the VT probably gave Tom another 20p in royalties as well. 

How can you overdance a Charleston? Ask Rhys. Look, it was a good dance, it really was. Everything including the kitchen sink, in fact - pot stirrers, birdy flaps, duck walks, knee crosses, heel clicks, the works. It was exhausting to watch. Massive moves and, again, no light & shade. Just wound up & let go like a crazy clockwork toy. I know the Charleston is supposed to be madcap, but this was all one level of nuts. Rhys did have fabulous energy and a silly, goofy, fun expression on his face and carried off the choreography well. His swivels were spot on but, as previous weeks, he never seemed to be dancing with Nancy until the lifts. Motsi said it was the best Charleston she'd ever seen, so I assume she had a memory wipe after AJ's last week which, in my opinion, was far superior. It got an A-MA-ZING from Craig as well - and the season's first Full House of 40. Guess Craig didn't spot the slip and the clumsy lift, then? Harrumph.

Sara & Aljaz - Argentine Tango to No More Tears (Enough is Enough) by Donna Summer & Barbara Streisand. Let's hope the wardrobe department are kinder to Sara this week. Her 'Dolly Parton' looked more like Kath from Kath & Kim after letting her perm grow out a bit.

                                Dragons' Den Doyenne Sara                   Look at moy, Craig!             

This one was a bit...odd. First, there was more smoke than a Victorian opium den at the start. And a giant glitterball on a string, which didn't seem to add anything more than showing what the props team can do. Sara had a good go at the AT. There was some decent drive, attack and intent and her character was believable. She kept her frame well in the lifts and didn't let her shoulders drop, which can be a reflex reaction to being hoiked off your feet. The chemistry was good and Sara's footwork was clean, but the dance was a bit ploddy in places and wasn't quite fiery enough. Her ganchos were loose (stop it!) and her legs a bit too stiff to give the routine the flow it needed. The judges gave the pair 32 out of 40, leaving me wondering what had been slipped into Anton's cocoa.

John & Johannes sashayed to the stage with a Samba to Acuyuye by Latin artist DLG. No I had no idea what it was either until they got going. This was a really atmospheric dance which totally brought the party atmosphere to the night. I half wanted to get up and join in, but HOTH would have frowned at red wine all over the rug and my back was giving me gip, anyway. John looked like he was having the time of his life with all the shimmies, booty shakes and under the groin limbo action going on - practically every samba step ever danced. He had plenty of bounce and hip action, the samba rolls were good - not quite the sausage-in-the-bun style the mixed couples do, but decent enough. There was some tricky choreography, changes of direction and really fast spins. John had good lines, his weight in the right place to make the moves look smooth. The pair were, as we have come to expect, in sync throughout the dance - although Johannes' fluidity made John seem a little stiff in places, and his shoulders were a wee bit too far back. The judges were impressed - Motsi & Shirl dancing in the aisles - and awarded 38 out of 40. Anton somehow thinking it was the same 'quality' as Dan's outing 😒.

Tom & Amy were our penultimate couple with a Viennese Waltz to Iris by Goo Goo Dolls. Look, I love this song. I truly do. But it's been done so many times now. Change it up a bit, Strictly Bosses. You could use Nothing Else Matters by Metallica, Never Tear Us Apart by INXS or Crazy by Aerosmith if you want to be a bit more contemporary. Heck, even Piano Man by Billy Joel would be a bit fresher. Enough ranting. This was a more 'modern' take on a Viennese - Tom just in shirt, trousers and tie, Amy in more of a La La Land style dress than the floor length ballroom gown we usually see. It wasn't a bad dance by any means but, like AJ, seemed to compare badly to last week. A bit...safe, really. It flowed quite well, the spins were controlled and there was no errant rise and fall. There was a really good fleckerl and Tom's frame continued to improve. However, his free arm still had a mind of its own and transitions in and out of hold looked a bit 'snatchy' and hurried. The footwork wasn't as clean as it could have been, his feet not closing as well has they might and there were a couple of mistakes. 30 out of 40 scored - which is Tom's highest score for ballroom, though.

Rose & Giovanni  closed the night with a beautiful Couples' Choice to Symphony by Clean Bandit & Zara Larsson. This is my favourite couple. Rose is so enthusiastic and her obvious joy at dancing shines from the screen. Gio has grown so much as a teacher, learning from Rose and having to rethink the way he teaches. This is a fab pairing and you can tell they're loving every second so far. Long may they continue. I don't normally like barefoot contempowaft, but this was a stunning routine for me. It was light, lyrical, stripped back and smooth. There were changes of pace, rhythm and style which were a delight to watch. The pair were in sync whatever they were doing and the connection and chemistry shone through the screen. And then, halfway through, the music and mics were muted. We could experience, in some small way, what Rose does every day and especially in the training room and on the dancefloor. It was powerful & moving without feeling mawkish, or like a gimmick. Truly special. At the end Gio was clearly heard to tell Rose 'I love you'. Craig was very picky, saying it lacked energy through the floor for him (whatever that means) but a very worthy 39 out of 40 scored. Rose thanked Gio in the Clauditorium, reducing him to tears. And I joined him.

And so all the couples had danced. There were a few scoring surprises, changes in dance floor domination and jostling of leader board positions. Given the way voting has been going over the last few weeks, the 'official' bottom two will be hard to call. As it stood on Saturday -

Rhys was top of the crop

AJ was propping up the pairs

Which could all still change, of course.

And so we sauntered into Sham Sunday - not to be confused with punk band Sham 69. Mind you, they did some cracking songs you could shoehorn into Strictly. Jive to Hurry Up Harry, Charleston to Hersham Boys, Paso to Questions & Answers. Wait, I'm doing it again, aren't I? Right, as we were.

As it was Remembrance Sunday there was a suitably poignant and moving Pro Dance to You'll Never Walk Alone to open the show, which ended with a field of virtual poppies.

Once the applause was over and the judges' bums were on their seats Glacier Gob Tess started announcing the couples who had dodged the bullet. You'd think with fewer dancers this bit would go quicker, wouldn't you? Ha! More fool you. Tess has time to fill before Top Gear and boy, does she make sure every second is accounted for. Several aeons passed, civilisations rose and fell until it was announced SARA was announced as the first dancer-offerer. In my opinion, she had kinda dodged the metaphorical bullet for a couple of weeks - last week, especially. Would tonight be the end of the (Scotswood) road for our Geordie Gyrator? We shall see.

A quick canter to the Clauditorium and the Chatterpillar. Rose & Gio spreading their joy, love and positivity, saying anyone can dance. They've not seen me, have they? And also forgot about Hairy Bike Dave, Greg Wise and Gregggggg Wallace, haven't they?

Rhys went predictably wild and annoyingly overexcited when he heard what he's dancing next week. I've seen four-year-olds with more self control. I'm sure he's a lovely lad and it's me being a menopausal, grumpy harridan. But, then again...

Dan was.....Dan. Saying how he danced at a family wedding and everyone was watching, his 'journey', how he's doing it for all the men who can't dance. Whatever.

James Blunt (apparently not rhyming slang) popped up with his new tune. You can say what you like about Blunty - the guy is FUNNY on social media. Many a nay-sayer and troll has limped away with severe burns after trying to take him on via social media. Do these people never learn? Anyway, he performed a nice, stripped back of his hit Goodbye My Love which, for me, is one of his better tunes.

There was VT of the team's visit to the Defence Medical Rehabilitation Centre to meet service personnel who had been injured in the line of duty and showcase the brilliant work the Centre does to help them.

Time for the Judges' recap and Anton explained he'd marked Dan on the improvement he'd made from week one and not necessarily on the dance on the night. Which isn't the point of the scoring, if you ask me. Otherwise they'd have to start carving 11, 12, 15, 20, 50 paddles in the future. Score What You See, Anton. I'm watching you.

More from Torturous Tess - honestly, she could be used in Special Forces training in their Learning To Be Patient section. I don't know if that's actually a thing, but they do spend hours waiting around in the dark covered in camouflage and I doubt they play I-Spy to pass the time. Probably more 'There Spy. Shooty, shooty bang bang'.

Anyway - several Ice Ages and the extinction of a sun or two later - TILLY was in the dance off dance off, again. The poor girl must feel so unpopular. I hope it's because the viewers all think she'll get lots of votes from others so don't give her theirs, rather than her being 'punished' for who her dad is. That wouldn't be at all fair. She always comes across and lovely and sweet so it's disheartening for her to be in the dance off when there's others far less capable and watchable (cough, Dan, cough).

Back to Claudia where Amy still had some voice left after screaming so loud when they were announced safe that flocks of flamingos in Africa must have taken off in fright, a la the opening credits of Tarzan in the 80s.

John & Johannes were thrilled to be safe. So John's sister will be. She's apparently getting the local butcher's sausage at a discount. Not something all of us can say.

AJ was still chipper and cheerful, relieved she'd avoided the dreaded dance off. She felt she'd let Kai down, but she shouldn't be so hard on herself. Everyone has an off week - this was hers.

To the Dance Off. Tilly danced first, as she'd been on earlier than Sara on the night. It was definitely more polished and tightened up, with fewer errors and more energy. Sara also came out stronger. There were still some wobbles but overall an improvement on her first outing.

No more could be done. It was down to Craig and Co. It was a pretty difficult decision for the judges, but the dancer unanimously voted to be going home was....

SARA

She undoubtedly had a great time on her 'journey' across the dancefloor - and a fun, friendly partnership with Aljaz, who will probably still be sticking a 'Howay' into conversations for years to come. But, it was probably the right time for Sara to hang up her dancing shoes and get back to the Dragons' Den. Those entrepreneurs need her. Especially the delusional ones flogging slippers for horses or clip on downhill skis for your granny's Zimmer frame (I'm IN!).

And there we were. Our Magnificent Seven waltz, samba and paso in to Musicals Week. And, frankly, if nobody dances to the theme from the film of the same name, they'll have missed a HUGE trick. I'll give up my job and move to Elstree as New MD - or at least music suggesterer. I was made for that job. If nothing else, it'd stop me randomly shouting 'Samba', 'Rumba', 'American Smooth' at the wireless, for which HOTH would be eternally grateful.

Until next week.......

KEEP DANCING!!!

SARA'S STRICTLY JOURNEY WON'T DRAG-ON

*HUSBAND OF THE HOUSE