Yes, I know you can see a bloke scoring a try but a) I like rugby and b) it was the best I could find.
Well, here we are again. Strictly Day already. Doesn't time fly when you're having fun? I say fun, I really mean working, sleeping, stressing...you know, grown up stuff. And after all that gubbins we've got Christmas in THREE WEEKS! I hope you've all got your sprouts on or they'll never be done in time. Ah, Christmas Traditions: bags of nuts you'll never eat - and don't even have a nutcracker for, anyway - half hundredweight of satsumas, seventy-five tubs of chocolate and a random bottle of Advocaat nobody even likes but you've got to get it because it's Tradition. Although you can't quite remember why.
Have you got your tree up yet? Some folk round here have had their astonishingly tacky light displays up since November 6th! Can you imagine their lecky bill? Doesn't bear thinking about!
Tasteful and understated, just like me
We might do ours next weekend. We always try and find the most awful bauble or tree decoration each year. We have a dinosaur, a burger that looks like it's been in a nuclear accident and a Dalek. This year, I think we've outdone ourselves. A lurid green gherkin in a Santa hat.
Nothing says Christmas like a festive pickle
Oh, and next weekend we go on our Works' Do. I'll probably get squiffy and end up going to bed with the boss again. Ah, now, don't get too excited. By Works' Do I mean HOTH's driving school and, as he's self-employed, he's the boss. Well, that's what I let him think, anyway.
And, of course, we only have three Strictlys left. Our Famous Five are all trying their very bestest to get into the final and a hope of grabbing the big, shiny Glitterball, prying it from reigning champ Bill Bailey's grasp. No hat-trick for Oti this year, since she was lumbered partnered with Ugo. So, who's going to be Strictly Come Dancing Champion of 2021? Let's have a look who won't be first, shall we?
We were treated to a really rather lovely pro-dance with an actual storyline featuring Oti & Greasy Arnold (Graziano) as a couple in and out of love, flashing between time with them meeting, falling in love, breaking up and meeting again. I think. It was beautifully choreographed, really romantic and touching with the pair acting their roles so well. This was all done to It's All Coming Back To Me Now sung - not by Sealion Diane - Celine Dion to everyone else - but by the massively talented, Olivier award winning Cassidy Janson. I spent quite some time after the show catching up with her work and I really recommend you do, too, if you haven't already.
John & Johannes kicked off the Quarters with a Salsa to We Are Family by Sister Sledge. Well. They certainly got the party started with this number. High energy, high octane, John was giving it large and Johannes was clearly living his absolute best life, pulling some rather odd faces, a huge grin firmly in place. There was a good amount of bounce & hip rotation in this disco style salsa and some decent footwork, John coping well with some difficult choreography. John shook what his momma gave him and did a fab knee slide reminiscent of small boys at weddings throughout the years. It was wild & abandoned full of fun, vigour and joy. There were some really tricky lifts, John tossing Johannes here, there and everywhere like he weighed as much as a fag paper. And then it all went a bit to pot. At the final lift, Johannes gave John the wrong hand and what should have been a pretty amazing presse / plank went awry. Rather than a controlled dismount, John basically dropped Johannes like a roll of carpet where he landed with a bit of a thud. Shame, as it had been good up to then. Johannes styled it out though and tried to make it look like it was done on purpose. Nice try, JoJo. A mixed bag of scores - a seven from Craig who wanted more head action and finished lines - and the pair scored 32 out of 40.
When they be-grin the Beguine
Rhys & Nancy came next with their Argentine Tango to In The Air Tonight by Phil Collins. Sadly no gorilla on the drums, which I was most disappointed by. In the VT, Rhys said 'you can't look like you're giving it too much'. Has he watched himself the past ten weeks? He's been giving it TOO too much. But this week? Who is he and what has he done with the real Rhys? Even Claudia asked 'Where has Rhys gone'?
This was moody, intense, dark and controlled. Rhys was totally in character and really connected with Nancy this time. There were changes of pace, slowing right down then picking up speed which leant drama to the routine. His ganchos were very good - and there were a lot of them - and he showed purpose, attack, intent and a maturity we've never seen before. He nailed the Argentine tango walks - again, quite a lot of those too (the choreographers had obviously worked to Rhys' strengths) and coped well with the amazing lifts, including a spin where he held onto Nancy's neck and twazzed her around and a huge wrist-ripper. By the end Shirley and Motsi were on their feet, Motsi shouting 'TEN, TEN, TEN!', which rather spoiled the surprise. A slight missed synchronicity in the grapevines spotted by Craig (who else?) cost them a full house and they were given 39 out of 40.
Eee - lad's got some neck!
Rose & Giovanni brought us a foxtrot based American Smooth to This Will Be (An Everlasting Love) by Natalie Cole. Colour me #Team RoGio! This was simply a beautiful dance. Rose looked gorgeous and sweet in a flowing dress and her face absolutely shone with joy all through the routine. It was light, easy, flowing & flirty, Gio starting with chat up line cards a la Love Actually but less marriage-wrecking. Rose again showed great rhythm and musicality, easily coping with complex choreography and switching pace. Her frame and posture were exquisite both in and out of hold, her footwork was on point and she finished every single line. The love between the pair shines off the screen - friendship & trust love, that is - and that's what makes them a great couple. The last time someone looked at me like Gio looks at Rose I'd just given him a Bonio (that's a dog treat for the uninitiated, not anything rude). And speaking of trust - there was a jaw-dropping, breath-taking and other mixed metaphors Leap of Faith lift where Rose basically launched herself horizontally into mid-air with Gio catching her hands with split second timing to spin her around. One tiny fraction of a second out and she'd have crashed painfully to the floor.
Shirley made the gaffe of the night, telling Rose she was impressed that she had been able to block out all the clapping & cheering for Rhys to concentrate on her dance. Erm..she's deaf Shirl. That's why she has a sign interpreter. Mind you, you could take it as Rose is so good, Shirley completely forgot about her deafness. I like to put a positive spin on things where I can. A teeny, tiny, miniscule heel turn error picked up by the Prince of Piffle Craig but the couple still scored a cracking 39 out of 40.
Team RoGio - Crazy In Love (but not like that)
Dan & Nadiya took to the floor with a Tango to Santa Maria by Gotan Project. Dan looked dapper in his striped whistle (suit) but he kinda reminded me of a spiv. I'm not convinced stripes were the way to go. Gomez Addams could pull it off but he was suave and slick. Dan...isn't. The dance started well, with a CGI taverna scene, Dan & Nadiya dancing on the furniture (they'd get kicked out of the place if they tried that round here). Dan seemed to be managing the soft bent-knee style needed for a tango and his frame looked decent. There was some decent staccato head moves and he was dancing with attack & purpose, changing pace and direction. And then it all went wrong. No idea why - maybe something went wrong we didn't spot and it put him off, maybe he forgot the steps - but it just...fell apart. He started to rise and fall instead of glide / walk, his hands were like bunches of bananas and he went totally off balance. His frame lost all shaping, his top line wobbled and he started to hunch his shoulders and lean forwards into Nadiya. It was such a shame as this could have been a decent dance for Dan - especially as it was Nadiya's first tango as a lead pro. The judges were unforgiving, with the exception of Shirley who had clearly been on the Christmas sherry awarding a flipping NINE. 31 out of 40 for the third week in a row.
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Spivvy Civvy |
AJ & Kai rounded things off with a Salsa to Rhythm Is Gonna Get You / Get On Your Feet by Gloria Estefan and Miami Sound Machine (which took longer to type than the dance lasted). AJ started solo, dancing on some stairs, looking confident and in control. The dance was really fast and fierce, AJ showing great moves, fab hip action and rhythm. Again, the pair were totally in sync in the side by side sections and there was terrific energy and enthusiasm. AJ had plenty of attitude and attack, even when the song & rhythm changed halfway through. Unfortunately, the landing of the lifts was heavy, the transitions were sticky and she started to get a bit flat-footed.
And then it all went wrong. Again. I don't know what happened last night, perhaps Quarter Final nerves, but AJ didn't seem herself after about a third of the dance. The final lift was an absolute casserole, a dance disaaaaaarster. AJ struggled to get up to Kai's shoulders, nearly fell off, then couldn't get her leg around his neck to finish the move. She ended up looking like a drunken fan in a mosh pit, trying to get on her boyfriend's shoulders for a better view. There's no doubt they should have abandoned the attempt the minute they felt it go wrong. It was sadly quite embarrassing and awkward and spoiled what had been a decent enough dance up to then. The judges had no choice but to mark them down and they finished with just 30 out of 40.
The rhythm definitely got AJ on the night
And so, after only an hour, we were done and the leader board looked like this:
Rhys & Nancy - 39
Rose & Giovanni - 39
John & Johannes - 32
Dan & Nadiya - 31
AJ & Kai - 30
Sunday rolled around, as it is wont to do. My Bonne Maman preserves advent calendar (probably the best I've ever had - and, again, no sponsorship, freebies or payment for the mention) yielded a strawberry and lemon verbena jam, which was miles nicer then the dog chocolate you get in some others. HOTH has a Playmobil Back To The Future one though, of which I am secretly jealous.
Of course, Sunday is also Results Day, which is probably why you've stuck with me so far.
We got another pro dance! Aren't we lucky? A medley of Janet Jackson tunes, big on Girl Power moves as the ladies took centre stage for most of the routine, especially Karen & newbie Jowita. Cracking street dance /funk style that got us in the mood. Well, it got me in the mood anyway.
There was the usual quick recap and behind the scenes chatter for a bit of filler.
Now, with only five couples left, you'd think it wouldn't take Tess as long. Ha! Wrong! She's fully accepted that particular challenge. The bumbedy bum music & flashing lights came on and, fifty million years later we were told the first person in the dance off was...
RHYS! Wait, what? It wasn't Rhys? Blimey. I'm so used to the poor lad being in the bottom I got carried away with me'sen. He did scream like a banshee that had won the lottery then trapped its sensitive bits in a drawer. Can't blame him, though. It must have been such a relief not to be in the dance off. Ahem. Right. Let's try that again. The first person in the dance off was...
AJ. No big surprise, really. She was the bottom of the leader board and had had a shocker of a week. And we are at that time where someone who is talented will be going home. Would this be AJ's time to go home? Or would she fix those mistakes and manage to get her leg over Kai properly. Now, now!
Up with Claudia, Rhys admitted he never thought he'd be up in the Clauditorium again. He thanked the public from the bottom of his heart and is looking forward to double dances next week.
Rose said she can't believe she's still in the competition. She was so overwhelmed she was near speechless. And we learned Gio has had 80 top mark scores of 10 over his career. Which is pretty good going.
We were treated to the tuneful trillings of X-Factor boyband JLS, featuring former Strictly contestant Aston Merrygold - a Hobbit name if ever I heard one! Not so much a boyband now as a blokeband. Oritse taking lead vocals looked oddly like Lenny Henry's character Theophilus T Wildebeest. They still have a decent fanbase and sound as good as they ever did, singing Postcard.
In the Judges' Chat, Shirley cleared up what she'd meant saying Rose was blocked out all the noise while all the commotion was going on for Rhys - that, while Rose could see everyone on their feet, stamping, whooping & hollering, it didn't put her off. Craig gave his view and told us he'd had a very good laugh at AJ's misfortunes. As had we all.
Back to Tess and what would surely be a fairly quick announcement, seeing as there were only two couples left. And yet...No, I jest. It wasn't actually that long before we were told the second dancer in danger was...
DAN - FINALLY. Or, more accurately, Quarter Finally. He's been very popular with the public and there was a lot of talk about him not only getting to the final, but winning the whole competition on Viewer Vote, just like Chris Hollins a few years ago. That would have put the feline amongst the avians. I think some forums would have exploded.
Le Chat sat on The Chat
Claud spoke to the last safe couple, John & Johannes. It was quite emotional, John telling Johannes he loved him, Johannes saying it was the best year he's ever had and he loved John, too. I'm so, so glad they've made it through.
In the 'how you can catch up with Strictly while it's not on' bit there was an awfully prophetic part with AJ & Kai where she was pretending to be checking the social meeja pages and Kai told her 'If you don't want our dance to look socially awkward, we'd better get training'. Mystic Meg eat your heart out.
Dance off time and Dan took to the floor first. He'd tidied up some of the errors and tightened up his frame but there was still some rise and fall and banana hands. AJ had cleaner landings and the final lift actually worked. A mad spinning splits cartwheel thing. Which makes me wonder if they'd changed or simplified it to make sure it did. Hmmm. We shall never know.
Both couples were done and dusted. Nothing more they could do but wait on the judges' verdict. Who was going to get the thumbs down and be hanging up their dancing shoes? Well, the panel were unanimous in their verdict and the celebrity going home was...
DAN
Ah, well he had a good run and did much, much better than people imagined. He tried his best, he put the hours in and, more importantly, he enjoyed himself. And you can't say fairer than that.
We're down to The Fab Four for next week and it will be all stops out to get to the Final. Who will it be? Tune in next week to find out. Until then Strictly chums...KEEP DANCING!
Do do do do do do do, do do do do doooo.
WHAM, BAM, THANK YOU DAN!
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